Farting in the gym......

#1
Just an idle thought


Has anyone else noticed how hard it is to fart on an exercise bike? the saddle seems to provide a cork and then when you sort of lift your arse up and lean forward off the seat it puts you in the best position to guff at the poor barsteward on the running machine behind you!

The trouble with farting on the running machine is that you cant leave the scene and the evidence clearly points you out as the culprit!

The best thing is farting in the sauna or jacuzzi though - because you re well camoflauged and you know whats coming you can react immediately and look at the gorgeous woman opposite screwing up your nose and looking disgusted so they take the blame!!!

Sit-ups are also an area of danger when your doing crunchies - its far too easy to let one or two pop out!
 
#2
headgear said:
Just an idle thought


Has anyone else noticed how hard it is to fart on an exercise bike? the saddle seems to provide a cork and then when you sort of lift your arse up and lean forward off the seat it puts you in the best position to guff at the poor barsteward on the running machine behind you!

The trouble with farting on the running machine is that you cant leave the scene and the evidence clearly points you out as the culprit!

The best thing is farting in the sauna or jacuzzi though - because you re well camoflauged and you know whats coming you can react immediately and look at the gorgeous woman opposite screwing up your nose and looking disgusted so they take the blame!!!

Sit-ups are also an area of danger when your doing crunchies - its far too easy to let one or two pop out!
The highest fart-risk for me is BJJ, so I try to use it to my advantage: let a good one rip when I'm Rolling, then Tap Out my opponent while he's struggling not to breath!

An even more sadistic technique is to gain Side Control, then fire for effect; the opponent is pinned down in the Hot Zone! :twisted:
 
#3
Mr_Deputy said:
Farting? That's just ghost pooh. I curled one out on the free weights last week. Apparently that's 'not done.' No sign up though. Well, there is now but...
That's too funny :lol:
 
#4
I followed through doing sit ups once, not a pretty sight for the lad holding my feet and counting.
 
#5
I counted a girl's situps on a BFT and she cranked out B Flat Fanny Farts on each upstroke.

She was snookered owing to the fact she had to press on for 2 minutes, and the gym's acoustic properties were akin to those of Abbey Road (probably).

Psychologically I thought I was beginning to smell a fishy odour so I cranked my head away from her, breathing through the side of my mouth.

Roy Castle would've been proud.

Bless.

I'm convinced i've mastered the fart in the gym. It will happen as sure as tax and death. The technique I employ is to grimace and look at someone else, to sideload blame. Years of Staffordshire Bull Terrier ownership has honed this skill.
 
#6
running machine & cross trainer always has the desired effect for me.
 
#8
When lifting weights is best, as you feel the air escaping just let out a loud "aaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh" as you lift/lower the weights and hey presto fart isn't heard. Then simply grimace at anybody within 20m and hopefully that'll excuse you from blame for the smell.
 
#10
REMEbrat said:
When lifting weights is best, as you feel the air escaping just let out a loud "aaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh"
is their any excuse for grunting in the gym, lad the other night in the gym sounded like he had just sustained a serious injury, then he reminded me of the last time i visited a maternity ward. All fair enough i thought, until i saw the weight he was lifting, had he got no shame...
 
#11
a place men go to fart in various positions wearing tracksuits and drinking gatorade
 
#12
Lampard said:
a place men go to fart in various positions wearing tracksuits and drinking gatorade
ah ha. I might try it out then. I hope the door's wide. :D
 
#13
Lampard said:
a place men go to fart in various positions wearing tracksuits and drinking gatorade
AND perv on fit women who are wearing very little clothes while sweating and breathing heavily... :drool:
 
#14
i've been on many a platoon tab or run when ive been sucking in air from dundee, only for the "good bloke" in front of me to let rip a quick burst of morning hate into my face. I usually spend the next mile or so trying not to vom, and drop back to the back of the pack on purpose. I can't complain, I once sharted my pants 5 minutes into a 8hr sanger bashing session. My stag partner was not best impressed.
 
#15
Ccok a leg, let rip and follow it up with a satisfied sigh. Lick your finger and mark it off next to the others on the posing mirror.
 
#16
Werewolf said:
Lampard said:
a place men go to fart in various positions wearing tracksuits and drinking gatorade
AND perv on fit women who are wearing very little clothes while sweating and breathing heavily... :drool:
disagreed, theres only one woman at my gym, she wears lyrca everything and can outlift me on most things.

she also turns sideways to get through doors.

and eats the weights between sets.
 
#17
Werewolf said:
An even more sadistic technique is to gain Side Control, then fire for effect; the opponent is pinned down in the Hot Zone! :twisted:
Either your arse is not where it ought to be or you've got an odd side-mount pal :p
 
#18
Always best to drop your guts when you are at the front on a CFT.

You can then spend the next 8 miles knowing that everyone behind you has breathed air that has lived up you Arrse.
 
#19
Best thing to do is, if you're on the running machine, to sneak it out quietly then give it a second before glaring at the bloke next to you.

Instant deflection! Hopefully the smart bird on the other side of you will believe your horror is real and blame the other bloke as well.
 
#20
ive been eating a loada kitkats latley coz there 3for 88p at boots at moment and im sure there making me more windy at the mo :/ at gym other day i did a pritty smelly one but luckley i was the only one in that section :/
 

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