Farting in the gym......

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by headgear, Feb 12, 2009.

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  1. Just an idle thought


    Has anyone else noticed how hard it is to fart on an exercise bike? the saddle seems to provide a cork and then when you sort of lift your arse up and lean forward off the seat it puts you in the best position to guff at the poor barsteward on the running machine behind you!

    The trouble with farting on the running machine is that you cant leave the scene and the evidence clearly points you out as the culprit!

    The best thing is farting in the sauna or jacuzzi though - because you re well camoflauged and you know whats coming you can react immediately and look at the gorgeous woman opposite screwing up your nose and looking disgusted so they take the blame!!!

    Sit-ups are also an area of danger when your doing crunchies - its far too easy to let one or two pop out!
     
  2. The highest fart-risk for me is BJJ, so I try to use it to my advantage: let a good one rip when I'm Rolling, then Tap Out my opponent while he's struggling not to breath!

    An even more sadistic technique is to gain Side Control, then fire for effect; the opponent is pinned down in the Hot Zone! :twisted:
     
  3. That's too funny :lol:
     
  4. I followed through doing sit ups once, not a pretty sight for the lad holding my feet and counting.
     
  5. I counted a girl's situps on a BFT and she cranked out B Flat Fanny Farts on each upstroke.

    She was snookered owing to the fact she had to press on for 2 minutes, and the gym's acoustic properties were akin to those of Abbey Road (probably).

    Psychologically I thought I was beginning to smell a fishy odour so I cranked my head away from her, breathing through the side of my mouth.

    Roy Castle would've been proud.

    Bless.

    I'm convinced i've mastered the fart in the gym. It will happen as sure as tax and death. The technique I employ is to grimace and look at someone else, to sideload blame. Years of Staffordshire Bull Terrier ownership has honed this skill.
     
  6. running machine & cross trainer always has the desired effect for me.
     
  7. Rowing machine is good for those 'dynamic farts'.
     
  8. When lifting weights is best, as you feel the air escaping just let out a loud "aaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh" as you lift/lower the weights and hey presto fart isn't heard. Then simply grimace at anybody within 20m and hopefully that'll excuse you from blame for the smell.
     
  9. Whats a gym?
     
  10. is their any excuse for grunting in the gym, lad the other night in the gym sounded like he had just sustained a serious injury, then he reminded me of the last time i visited a maternity ward. All fair enough i thought, until i saw the weight he was lifting, had he got no shame...
     
  11. a place men go to fart in various positions wearing tracksuits and drinking gatorade
     
  12. ah ha. I might try it out then. I hope the door's wide. :D
     
  13. AND perv on fit women who are wearing very little clothes while sweating and breathing heavily... :drool:
     
  14. i've been on many a platoon tab or run when ive been sucking in air from dundee, only for the "good bloke" in front of me to let rip a quick burst of morning hate into my face. I usually spend the next mile or so trying not to vom, and drop back to the back of the pack on purpose. I can't complain, I once sharted my pants 5 minutes into a 8hr sanger bashing session. My stag partner was not best impressed.
     
  15. Ccok a leg, let rip and follow it up with a satisfied sigh. Lick your finger and mark it off next to the others on the posing mirror.