Farting Etiquette

Not sure how drill is taught these days but for those who remember the Parrot Fashion Method they may appreciate this. More than once I have done it as a party piece, never understood by civvies.
For those that can't open Word

Taking you a stage further in your etiquette drill I am now going to teach how to emit wind from your anus in an un-gentlemanly manner.

The reason this is taught is to enable a young officer to understand how junior nco’s and other ranks break wind.

Stand easy and will give you a complete demonstration of this disgusting practice.

“Give demo as below”

Points to note. As the feeling I needed to break wind, sometimes referred to as farting or dropping your guts, came upon me I shifted my weight onto my right leg and slightly raised my left leg, exerted downward pressure onto my anus via my abdominal muscles and broke wind.

When in the company of others efforts must be made to break wind silently.

Having broken wind I regained a normal stance turned slowly round and walked nonchalantly away from the obscene smell I had emitted.

While walking I used my right hand to carefully feel at the material of my trousers in the general area of my anus.

This is to establish whether I have inadvertently passed a solid or some sort of liquid, this usually occurs after a heavy night on the Guinness followed by a curry, as nothing untoward was discovered I continued walking away from the area.

If however a solid object or patch of dampness is discovered, the phrase “ Oh bollocks I’ve shit meself” will be muttered and walking with a slightly bow-legged gait I would find a place of privacy to cleanse myself.

Break off into your pairs and practice the movements, bear in mind gentlemen this is the one and only time you as officers will carry out this disgusting practice. If you are observed breaking wind in such a manner outside this room I am sure your respective adjutants will ensure you receive more than your fair share of extra duties.

[FONT=&amp]Are there any questions. [/FONT]

Similar threads

Latest Threads