Farting Dogs

My dog normally farts inaudibly but generally detectably! Oh lordy yes...

However when asleep and only when asleep he lets off a string of poots that sound like a line ogf guns in a distant valley. I wonder if he is applying a sound-track to a dream of past drives of glory?

Does anyone else have an audibly farting dog?
When not asleep the dog does loud trumps then stares at you as if its your fault and trots off with a look of disgust on her face. When asleep however she "guffs". It is a noise akin to squeezing the last bits of air out of a blow up bed or the noise an officer makes with his mouth when he is trying to convey the impression of summing something up before saying "no".
Oh yes Cuddles. I have a year old Siberian Husky who delights in "pooting" audibly. The first time she did it she shocked herself and let out a howl. My two year old grandaughter has discovered where the dog "poots" from, points to its hoop, and says "pooeee!". So yes, I can sympathise mate!
gobbyidiot said:
Mixer makes it worse IMHO. Greasy, meaty, boney stuff means you can share a tent without lung damage.
Yup - dry food only for mine. Still, always amused by the look of surprise on her face when the 'Pfft' escapes and she spends the next two minutes walking around in circles trying to discover the source.
Jet was an amazingly stinky dog but he thought that it was great; very handy for getting rid of people who wanted to drink my gin
My lab does it when he is awake and has no shame!! My lurcher is a bit posher if you drop one discreetly in front of her she will get up and walk of in disgust. I have never known the lurcher to drop one; wish I could say the same about the wife!!

My dog has 2 modes :-

Mode 1 : awake
dog makes single sound like 'phffffff' whilst laying dog, waits approx 30 seconds, then looks up, 50% of time at me, 50% at his own arse, with disgusted expression as if to say 'you dirty stinky bastard'...

... then proceeeds to stand up and walk to another room, trailing stinkbomb behind him

... cue anyone in the room choking and gagging (both of which cause you to breath more of the death-gas in)

Mode 2 : asleep
Similar, but the if the initial fanfare is less than about 3 toots, then fails to wake up, but sometimes it is followed by sleep running (always funny to watch, and I can only guess he's dreaming of taking part in WWI)

...and for all "doggers" (or "doggists"), if you didn't watch Horizon last night watch it on the iplayer. Turns out your dog really does understand you better than your friends.

[Of course, the great thing about the internet is that nobody knows you're a dog].
Both my mini dachshunds fart in an audible fashion along the lines of faaaaarrt, then both look at each other in a blameless fashion. Good boys though! The end product leads the unfortunate inhaler to seek fresh air immediately.
My spaniel was exceedingly stinky, but we gave her chlorophyl tablets that helped a lot.


I took some advice a long time ago from a Sgt in the ADU in Antwerp. If you put a little meat tenderiser powder (found by spices in supermarket) in their dog meat about half an hour before you give it to them. It helps their system digest the food better and alleviates the farting problem. Tried it on the wifes dinner but had no luck to date!
Both my dogs do it.

Blue, my Patterdale Terrier tends to do it when excited. Nothing like coming home and having a terrier jump up on your leg, tail wagging, tongue hanging out, and just as you bend down to stroke her, she starts trumping away giving you a face full of dog musk.

Ruby, my Border Collie, tends when lying in her bed to let out a satisfying pffft. A bit like me.
She's great for blaming when I let out an audible guff in front of The Fun Police.
I'm a flatulent b*stard. The following (honestly) happened. I'm looking after this Lab cross for a few weeks, giving full vent to my exaggerated leg-lift farts. I visit the dog a few months later. After the initial excitement I'm sitting on a futon, he jumps up, turns around, fore-paws either side of my thighs anus an inch from my face, holds his tail up, and guffs right under my nose.

I can only assume that he thought it was the kind of thing I'd appreciate.
jarrod248 said:
Years ago I had a doberman who used to creep up and lay at the side of my bed, she used to fart in her sleep and wake me up smelt like a coking plant. I was advised to give her charcoal dog biscuits, which helped tremendously, black tarry diarhoea everywhere.
My german Shepherd was exactly the same, I would wake up in a panic thinking I could smell burning rubber. She was always silent, but throat grabbingly violent, the kids would pitch to one side of the settee like an Atlantic breaker when they caught the first whiff. Funny as fcuk!
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