After Chicken Curry and copious amounts of Guinness, followed by a bit of Close Quarter battle with Mrs LIMA, I awoke this Morning with an Ominous Gut Rumble and an extreme feeling of pressure South of the Waistline. My Immediate action was to RV with the WC and pebble dash the Pan. On the way to work, Gas seepage neccesitated driving with the car windows open in Minus Temperatures and Driving Snowstorms. Now safely seated in my office, I am afflicted by a rather serious attack of trouser burping. The Air is foul and green and I am not fit to Lliase with other Human beings at this moment in time. The problem is that in about two hours I have a meeting and I cannot guarantee the integrity of my Sphincter muscles. I`m sure that some of your Arrsers can offer some advice on methods of Suppressing Anal explosions in the prescence of those not fit to recieve them. I had thought about giving myself a Pull through with a bass broom but I canÂ´t seem to find one. I await your advice with baited breath and clenched Buttocks!