Fancy dress party

#1
A firm with a sense of humour, at last......
>>
>>
>> A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy
>> dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his
>> wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
>>
>> A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
>>
>>
>>
>> Dear Sir,
>>
>> Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will
>> cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right
>> as a Pirate.
>>
>> The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he
>> writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another
>> parcel and note:
>>
>> Dear Sir,
>>
>> Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit.
>> The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you
>> will really look the part.
>>
>> The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company
>> has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his
>> bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint. A few
>> days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the
>> accompanying
>> letter:
>>
>> Dear Sir,
>> Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
>> We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head,
>> stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.
>> Kind Regards Margaret
>>
>>
>>
 
#2
A bloke turns up at a fancy dress party bollock naked, painted green and with a bandana across his eyes, with a woman on his back.
The doorman asks who/what he's come as?

"I'm a Ninja turtle" he says and, pointing to the bird on his back, adds "and this is Michelle".
 

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