Fancy a Christmas Break in Dorset

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#2
Late availability for Christmas getaway
It is early December and no other mug punter has booked it.

staying in Luxurious self catering barn conversion
Bring your own food and some blankets. You will be staying in a ******* barn in the arse end of nowhere

with private pool and hot tub.
A luke-warm soup of pubic hair and body fluid left by the mug punters who rented the gaff for Camp Bestival

It used to be a mental hospital

15 minutes away from the stunning Jurassic coast.
A DVD of The French Lieutenants Woman is in the left hand top kitchen drawer.

special offer price to fellow Arrsers
Cheers fellow. I'll come back to you on that, yah?
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#3
Three ******* grand for a weekend in a barn?


Are you taking the piss?
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#5
Three ******* grand for a weekend in a barn?


Are you taking the piss?
Ah, come on Legs. It has a 'private pool'. In Dorset. In December. And it is only 15 minutes from the Jurassic Coast. Which is like the film Jurassic Park but with Southampton in it. Who could dream of more?
 
#7
Its needs to have 4d TV with 24 on porn on also, so the birds can jump out at you and give you a complimentary nosh at that price........
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#8
It has got a lovely tombstone as you go in.

" Treat Axnoller as your own luxurious private home".

For three grand for the weekend I'll treat it like a ******* burglary, thanks.

shitbag ******* gaff.JPG
 
#9
"I want my guests to stay somewhere which is at least as good as, if not better, than home." FFS for 3k for a weekend I would want somewhere better than my hovel
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#10
"I want my guests to stay somewhere which is at least as good as, if not better, than home." FFS for 3k for a weekend I would want somewhere better than my hovel
Can I give you £300 and stay at your hovel? Have a ******* look.

Anorexia.JPG

They have dropped the ceiling and squashed in a cheap spiral staircase which completely cattles the entire room. Cheap down-lighters in the false ceiling and a ******* smoke detector. Cheap tiling done by people who were recently evicted from Dale Farm. Some cheap jars on the mantelpiece and what the **** is going on with that green ornament on the spidery table by the window? The **** use is that? A writing desk? Oh, and a pink wrought iron banquette thing on the left. In case faggots come to stay. Because they like pink, eh?

******* horrible shambles knocked together by the developers bird because she went to art college and has 'an eye'.

If the owners wish to pay me £3,000 I can probably arrange to have the gaff torched so they can claim the insurance and start again?

Edit - their Twitter page is ******* priceless. Twitter
 
#11
Here's my hovel, it could pass as a s**d
 

Attachments

#12
Three Grand? I paid £350 for two weeks slumming it in a top notch villa in Bulgaria with 5 other peeps.

Oh, and there are still 2 places left. All you need to pay for is flights, scoff and alkymahol.

Three ******* grand. Have a word.
 
#13
Three Grand? I paid £350 for two weeks slumming it in a top notch villa in Bulgaria with 5 other peeps.

Oh, and there are still 2 places left. All you need to pay for is flights, scoff and alkymahol.

Three ******* grand. Have a word.
Went to Pamparovo for Xmas several years ago. Four adults and two kids, excellent four bed apartment,£500 for a week.Skiing/drinking, owner of a good restaurant laid on transport to his gaff, after a couple of bottles, wine was on the house.Every day, a man trekked up through the snow with fuel for the log-burner.Gleaming.
 

Bowmore_Assassin

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#14
Fancy a Christmas Break in Dorset ?

No.
 
#15
Where exactly is Dorset, pray?
 
#16
According to Google Earth the nearest bars (Red Lion & The Greyhound) are only 8 kilometres away................. nice walk across a few fields!!!! Not much in the way of shopping opportunities - nearest shopping centre is Yeovil.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#17
According to Google Earth the nearest bars (Red Lion & The Greyhound) are only 8 kilometres away................. nice walk across a few fields!!!! Not much in the way of shopping opportunities - nearest shopping centre is Yeovil.
Yeah, but for £3000 you get to meet the owner who is Simon Deverell. According to his Twitter page he used to be a venture capital chap (VC. Not the Victoria Cross) and is now bragging to his chums about 'See what I am doing now with Axnoller'

Axnoller. A farm in the arse end of nowhere bought by some VC reptile with a few quid and absolutely no taste. And you can rent it for just the £3000 for a weekend?

Anyone know where I can sign up to their newsletter? There may be pictures of the outside of the farm on the newsletter. Because there are none on the website.
 
#18
Looks like my quarter
 

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