Fake T!t Survey

Breast Implants: Good or Bad?

  • Good — the bigger the better.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Bad — they feel weird.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Depends — what size are we talking here?

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
Doing some research and I need some ARRSErs' feedback.

Today my sister called to tell me that she's thinking about getting breast implants. I have an inherent prejudice towards implants, as I am from L.A. and surrounded by horrible boob jobs...playing with them must be like knocking two croquet balls together — that's exactly how they look. Wooden balls under tightly stretched leather. Plus, it's sad that a woman that's fairly cute in all other aspects feels like she needs to mutilate herself to be complete.

On the other hand, the science of implants has clearly advanced in terms of look and feel. And, as my sister tearfully pointed out when I made fun of her, I don't know what it's like to be flat-chested...it's apparently a genuine trauma in our culture.

But the real question is, what do men think about fake t!ts? After all, they're the ones who are going to be handling them (for the most part). And who better to survey about t!ts than squaddies?

Take them? Leave them? Encourage them? Hate them? Bought some for the missus recently? Results will be tabulated and factored into my advice to Sis.

ARRSEttes: Your thoughts are appreciated as well!
I know a girl who had it done and she's very happy with them. I think they look great (and not fake), but I'm too much of a happily-married gentleman to ask for a squeeze in the interests of comparative research.

IMHO the secret is to go for a natural, modest size increase and not for massive comedy Hindenburgs.

Oh, and this girl tells me that you have to shell out and not go for the cheapest deal. Hers cost a small fortune (£4000 UK) but she swears they were worth every penny, which is good enough for me.

Too many Femi-Nazis make a big deal out of this. You only live once: be happy with how you look and if that means a bit of surgery then crack on.



War Hero
I can understand the trauma of being flat-chested on account of having a very small penis. But I am reliably informed that it does the job. Small can be very cute.
Vegetius said:
but I'm too much of a happily-married gentleman to ask for a squeeze in the interests of comparative research.
You lying old tatsqueezer you. :lol:

I once was made to understand the female conundrum issue when climbing with a group of mates. The harness shows off the manly bits for all to see [and, ahem, feel.]


Kit Reviewer
Sack the survey - post a pic (or several) of the young lady in question and the discerning ARRSErs will soon tell her whether or not she needs to shell out. She may even get a proposal or dozen (although I can't say that they will all be honourable).
The amount of lads I know who go "YUCK! Implants, horrible things. Tacky, fake and I don't like them on birds I'm shagging" and when asked well how many have you shagged/touched say "Um...errr....none, actually....but I still don't like them I reckon they would be fakey feeling things........and I would know right away anyhows."

Wankers :lol:

From a female point of view, from someone whom has had the opportunity to see and touch implanted chebs on other girlies, it depends entirely on how well it is done. Well placed, suitably proportioned implants are not fake feeling and you need to know what you are looking/feeling for to palpate the implant. Badly done ones will be the bane of the implanted's life as they will do the "barbie doll stand up" when lying down and are like "tits on a fish".

TY your sister needs to carefully research what she wants, how she wants to look after, what type of implant and care implications post surgery and the reputation of the surgeon. Cheap is definitely not the go in cheb jobs, a good reputable plastics man is essential not some cosmetic surgeon of questionable methods.
Having been patrolling a topless beach for more years than I care to sayI must comment on the advances of cosmetic surgery.It is now fairly difficult to pick out the breast augmentation jobs unless the subject is lying on their back. Otherwise they usually feel a bit different when you ,as a real gent, help them with their factor 30.
As mizkrissi says it is important to go to a reputable surgeon. If you have any friends in the navy they could regale you with many horror stories that have happened to the transgender types they seem to patronise on shore leave. So go for quality
In the intersts of international goodwill if you forward some nude pictures of your sister with her phone number I will circulate them amongst the younger chaps and they can call her with their comments.
Get them implanted on her back. This is highly recommended for two reasons. Firstly it makes her a lot more fun to dance with at weddings, and secondly if her arrsehole holds out she will have made her fortune.
Hope this helps.
Shape is more important than size. some women I have errrm...'handled' didnt need enlargement, more like reconstruction or re-shaping.

Gravity is cruel too. Anything bigger than 1.4 BSH (British Standard Handful) starts to head south at about 35yrs.

Shape first. Bigguns are of course an added bonus, and if she's up for a soapy t*t w*nk in the shower every morning, you will always be at work with a smile on your face
Absolutely spiffing suggestion, young filthyphil. One can't be too helpful when another chap(chappette?) is talking about their sisters funbags. :lol:
should ' window shop ' before buying.. might want to check these out for suggestion of sizing.. etc.


just trying to be helpful...
Why thank you Rocketeer. You spoil me. I must make a clean breast of it though and offer more advice for Tankiesyankee's dear sister.
If the lady wants to go through a surgical procedure just to make herself more attractive to men she's a boob oo.All she has to do is buy us beer. I know that after two beers (usually numbers27 and 28) I'm anybody"s. Alternatively if she has her heels behind her ears very few of us will be scrutinising the secondary mammary tissue.

Now I'm sure I'll find some knockers of these axiomatic tips. However I think you will find that an obsession with bra size is a manifistation of a rather puerile intellect. Now if TY's sister can e-mail the nude photes with her number it would be greatly appreciated.
Never had the 'hands on' opportunity to make a suggestion about that aspect of 'fake' ones.

As mis points out, you get what you pay for, and I'm sure there are some very 'natural' ones out there.

Pamela Anderson apparently had hers out, but I can't tell the difference. Maybe Rocketeer can help out with pictures?


Kit Reviewer
I am ashamed to admit this to you, fellow Arssers, but I did contemplate a penis reduction to bring it down to a normal 9" length and 36" girth. Alas, I decided that it was a load of tosh and you are what you are.

Give me a healthy set of droopers adorned with unfeasibly large scammel nut nips any day :D
A good friend of mine from London, absolutely stunning (& happily ensconced with her fiancé, before any of you blerks ask for an intro!) was for many years unhappy with her A-cup bust, so around 5 years ago she had an op to increase her cup size to a C. Her décolletage looks very natural as she’s not gone for huge globes, we’ve all had a squeeze & think that they feel a little firmer than normal breast tissue, but they’re certainly not solid lumps. (If you’d like me to find out the type she had, please PM me & I’ll ask). Like your sis, my pal was very aware of her lack of bosom and it really affected her self-esteem, even though she is gorgeous looking & never without a boyfriend. She did it for herself, and was thrilled with the results, so as long as your sister is considering the op for herself and not for any other person or persons, it’s not necessarily a bad thing so I’d support her choice.

Points of warning/advice: make sure she uses a reputable surgeon & fully discusses the size she wants to be post-op. I’ve another friend out here who went into Malaysia for a boob-job & liposuction. The liposuction op went perfectly but she’s come back with boobs a size D-DD whereas she told us she was only going out there for an increase from AA-C. We’re not sure if she’s lying to us about what size she asked for, but she’s now quite embarrassed about their size & shape (a little bit ‘boxy’ despite doing all the massage that was recommended) although her hubby won’t stop raving about the STWs he now gets… :roll: Also, one thing your sis would need to watch out for is that there can be some nerve damage – to this day my pal from London can find herself walking down the street ‘smuggling peanuts’ without realising, much to the enjoyment of any men in the vicinity!
I'm quite disappointed about how sensible and un-smutty this thread is.


When considering breast augmentation I'd suggest that a key factor is that of "Soapy TitWank Capability" (STWC). The boobage needs to be large enough to accommodate a chap for said activity, but not so big that (A) he can't see what's going on and (B) you don't end up with chebs 'round your ankles aged 35.

There are two ways of figuring this out. Firstly, shower, lather up and try it out on a cucumber. Take digital photos and post them on a pay-to-view only website called www.preboobjobsoapytitwank.com. This will have the added benefit of probably funding the boob job too, as long as a career in internet porn suits.

Secondly, you could get your sis to PM almost any bloke on ARRSE, who would view it as an almost patriotic duty to fly to the USA immediately to assist and give a balanced, reasonable view.

You are welcome as it's always a pleasure and never a chore!


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