Fairytale of New York (Politically Correct Version)

HarryPalmer

War Hero
To be sung by Ed Sheeran, accompanied by Ellie Goulding.
Ceol: Mumford & Sons.
The first draft was initially published on Sat morning 08.12, I’ve edited & revised since.
It was Happy Holidays Eve babez
In an undesirable place for inebriated people that I somehow ended in
A man of a certain age said to me, won’t see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Condensation
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you
Though I realise that betting is inappropriate
Someone handed me a slip and I got lucky
I’ve got a feeling
This year’s for me and you
So Happy Holidays
I love you babez (if it's not cold outside)
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true (unless AI and the algorithms and the nihilism of Trump and Brexit get in our way)
They’ve got hybrids big as drinking emporiums
They’ve got rivers of gold (they don’t really, only the 1% do, but this is a metaphor)
But the wind goes right through you if you're wearing threadbare rags made in sweatshops
It’s no place for people who have contributed to society and whose pensions were decimated by the crash
When you first took my hand
On a milder than usual Happy Holiday Eve (thanks to global warming)
You promised me
The X Factor was waiting for me.
You were hot
You were gorge
Mayor of New York City
When the DJ finished playing
They howled for ‘One More Tune’
Gaga was gallivanting,
All the inebriated they were singing
We pecked lips on a corner
Then danced through the night
The cast of Frozen
Were singing ‘Galway Girl’
And the bells were ringing out
For Happy Holidays Day
You’re a boldy bolder,
You’re someone who listens to loud tuneless music and sticks safety pins through your nose,
You’re a person of a certain age consumed by a truly damaging substance
You naughty naughty person, you bug,
You cheap bundle of sticks
Happy Holidays your posterior
I pray to the higher power it’s our last
The cast of Frozen
Were singing ‘Galway Girl’
And the bells were ringing out
For Happy Holidays Day
I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
Xanax took my dreams
When I first first found you
I kept them with me babez
(the dreams, not the Benzos)
I put them with my own
Can’t make it all alone
I’ve built my dreams around you (if we can afford healthcare)
The cast of Frozen
Were singing ‘Galway Girl’
And the bells were ringing out
For Happy Holidays Day
 

Dread

LE
@HarryPalmer : "Ed Sheeran, accompanied by Ellie Goulding"? Two conspicuously white heterosexual people?

You fücking racist transphobe bigot. I didn't read the rest as I have to go to a safe space to recover.
 
You failed to mention that the saintly Sheeran is cursed with being ginger, there could be blood on the streets............
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I despise people who use this word in the now commonly accepted but clearly incorrect way.
I reckon only about 1 in 10 understand the real meaning of it
 
To be sung by Ed Sheeran, accompanied by Ellie Goulding.
Ceol: Mumford & Sons.
The first draft was initially published on Sat morning 08.12, I’ve edited & revised since.
It was Happy Holidays Eve babez
In an undesirable place for inebriated people that I somehow ended in
A man of a certain age said to me, won’t see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Condensation
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you
Though I realise that betting is inappropriate
Someone handed me a slip and I got lucky
I’ve got a feeling
This year’s for me and you
So Happy Holidays
I love you babez (if it's not cold outside)
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true (unless AI and the algorithms and the nihilism of Trump and Brexit get in our way)
They’ve got hybrids big as drinking emporiums
They’ve got rivers of gold (they don’t really, only the 1% do, but this is a metaphor)
But the wind goes right through you if you're wearing threadbare rags made in sweatshops
It’s no place for people who have contributed to society and whose pensions were decimated by the crash
When you first took my hand
On a milder than usual Happy Holiday Eve (thanks to global warming)
You promised me
The X Factor was waiting for me.
You were hot
You were gorge
Mayor of New York City
When the DJ finished playing
They howled for ‘One More Tune’
Gaga was gallivanting,
All the inebriated they were singing
We pecked lips on a corner
Then danced through the night
The cast of Frozen
Were singing ‘Galway Girl’
And the bells were ringing out
For Happy Holidays Day
You’re a boldy bolder,
You’re someone who listens to loud tuneless music and sticks safety pins through your nose,
You’re a person of a certain age consumed by a truly damaging substance
You naughty naughty person, you bug,
You cheap bundle of sticks
Happy Holidays your posterior
I pray to the higher power it’s our last
The cast of Frozen
Were singing ‘Galway Girl’
And the bells were ringing out
For Happy Holidays Day
I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
Xanax took my dreams
When I first first found you
I kept them with me babez
(the dreams, not the Benzos)
I put them with my own
Can’t make it all alone
I’ve built my dreams around you (if we can afford healthcare)
The cast of Frozen
Were singing ‘Galway Girl’
And the bells were ringing out
For Happy Holidays Day
The Christmas 'celebrations' started early in your house?
 
I am pleased to 'admit' that I don't understand a word of what you have obviously paraphrased. There are some perks to being old.
 
Were singing ‘Galway Girl’
‘Galway Girl’ is derogatory to women and discriminates against people who don't have black hair and blue eyes.
 

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