"Face down the Taleban" Des Browne

#2
The mission creep has started and we're not even three months into the deployment. I believe the word is 'marvellous'. 'What a surprise' might also figure.

Even better than that, however:

The Dear Leader said:
"If extra resources are needed, then no doubt extra resources will be found."
From where, exactly?
 
#3
"Facing down a dangerous bunch of islamic fanatics is just like making love to a woman... and you need a wet sponge. Sending soldiers somewhere dangerous is like the Big 'O' - the orgasm. Sending soldiers somewhere dangerous with the best equipment and resources is like a multiple 'O': it never happens" - more carp from Swiss Tony.
 
#4
"Facing down the Taliban is like making love to a beautiful woman"..... so spake Swiss Des. There are precious few surprises in the way that the Afghanistan campaign is shaping up, but I take no pleasure from tapping out those words. I have previously been accused of being a Cassandra on the subject, whittering on about having more than one mission, having a shape that did not reflect probable roles and the like, but the thing that really, really grips my sh*t is that it is, as always, the Tom who reaps the whirlwind.
Aside from the mixed mission thing, let me just add a comment about the tri-partite structure of the mission command: us, DFiD and FCO. We, the Armed Forces are supposed to be preparing the way for reconstruction, so we trog into a ville, chat to the elders tell them the good news and, once they've finished asking for the lap tops, motor cycles and mobiles that the Taliban need so badly, agree that they might like a new well instead. Fine, we say, and pop off to the DfID people to ask for the readies and the kit. "Oh no", they say, "its far too unstable to risk any of our people there". Fine. What chance do we have of bringing the locals on side when we don't deliver on what we've promised to give? Afghans love to parlay, to prevaricate, to discuss, but they admire a promise kept even more. About 4 years or so ago, I was working for Gen John McColl in Afghanistan: he offered only what he could goive, gave it and never let the Afghans down. At that time, we were winning: clear mission, simple C2 and promises delivered in a visible way. Now, we have the obverse and I fear that we will have to suffer the consequences until the politicos find a way of saving face and their future pensions.
 
#5
May I suggest Swiss Tony goes and 'faces down' a Taliban fighting patrol himself, just so he can get the feel of it? I'm all for the spectrum of conflict et cetera but I wish the political masters would say "war" if it is a war and "PSO" if its a PSO. Then maybe they won't make errors and prevaricate when someone fighting a war says "Excuse us, can we have hodloads of air support please" and then look for people in green to blame when it all predictably goes bums-down!
 
#6
Cuddles said:
May I suggest Swiss Tony goes and 'faces down' a Taliban fighting patrol himself, just so he can get the feel of it? I'm all for the spectrum of conflict et cetera but I wish the political masters would say "war" if it is a war and "PSO" if its a PSO. Then maybe they won't make errors and prevaricate when someone fighting a war says "Excuse us, can we have hodloads of air support please" and then look for people in green to blame when it all predictably goes bums-down!
Cuddles, Cuddles, Cuddles,

Don't you see the flaw in your argument? Did you never watch Yes, Minister? For the Government to be able make the distinction between warfighting and a PSO would require them to have some sort of rudimentary grasp of what it is they think they're doing. :wink:
 
#7
The Dear Leader said:
"If extra resources are needed, then no doubt extra resources will be found."
I can't quite put my finger on it but theres something about that "no doubt" bit that makes me feel less than convinced. Sounds like the sort of thing you say when what you really mean is "Don't look at me mate, it was't my fcuking idea"

Swiss Tony indeed!
 
#8
No doubt love of course I don't have any STDs.

This sucks. Des Brownes' my mothers MP I'm wondering if she should go along to one of his surgeries and give him an ear-bashing ;).
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#9
Cuddles said:
May I suggest Swiss Tony goes and 'faces down' a Taliban fighting patrol himself, just so he can get the feel of it?
Well said....as has been frequently said on this site by others... if you want to talk the talk Minister - ' grab a gat and STAG ON ! '

Le Chevre

(hmm that nearly said 'Grab a Goat and stag on'....must get some better specs....)
 
#10
I was taught by father that you should never ask anyone to do something you were not prepared to do yourself. Des Browne's stock might rise if he got out on patrol in Afghanistan, then again, probably not.
 
#11
Trevelez said:
I was taught by father that you should never ask anyone to do something you were not prepared to do yourself. Des Browne's stock might rise if he got out on patrol in Afghanistan, then again, probably not.
What do you reckon the odds on 8 simultaneous NDs are?
 
#12
People keep saying 'Des Browne...'

... And I keep saying, 'Who?' :?
 
#13
The supposed Secretary of State for Defence was not even prepared to attend the House of Commons to make a statement in person with regard to an out-of control operation which has cost 5 lives in 2 weeks.

Thy lying sh!t claimed "constituency business" but still had time to appear in Channel 4's Westminster studio to make a fool of himself.

This shows the contempt that this scumbag has for the military. He deserves to be kicked to death. :x
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#14
OldAdam said:
People keep saying 'Des Browne...

... And I keep saying, 'Who?' :?
http://www.mod.uk/DefenceInternet/AboutDefence/People/Ministers/SecretaryOfStateForDefence.htm

Secretary of State for Defence

Rt Hon Des Browne MP


Rt Hon Des Browne MP
Rt Hon Des Browne MP was appointed Secretary of State for Defence on the 5th of May 2006.

He has previoulsy been appointed Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Minister of State for Nationality, Immigration and Asylum at the Home Office, Minister of State for Work at the Department for Work and Pensions and, prior to that, Parliamentary Under Secretary of State at the Northern Ireland Office.

Mr Browne has been MP for Kilmarnock and Loudoun since 1997 and was previously Parliamentary Private Secretary to the late Donald Dewar MP 1998-1999.

He is a former member of Select Committees on Northern Ireland 1997-1998 and Public Administration 1999 and the Joint Parliamentary Committee on Human Rights 2001.

Mr Browne also tabled the Register of Drug Trafficking Offenders Bill, a private Member's Bill to amend the Misuse of Drugs Act (1971) to establish a register of trafficking offenders.


Mr Browne was born on 22 March 1952 and studied at Glasgow University where he was awarded an LLB. He is married and has two sons. Before entering Parliament he was a lawyer, he was admitted as a solicitor in 1976 and was subsequently called to the Scottish Bar in 1993.

Responsibilities
The Secretary of State for Defence is the Cabinet Minister charged with making and executing Defence policy, and with providing the means by which it is executed, the Armed Forces. He is Chairman of the Defence Council and of its three Boards, (the Admiralty Board, the Army Board and the Air Force Board).

Although responsible ultimately for all elements of Defence, the Secretary of State is supported by three subordinate Ministers: the Minister of State for Defence Procurement, the Minister of State for the Armed Forces and the Under-Secretary of State for Defence. The Secretary of State assigns responsibility to them for specific aspects of the Armed Forces and the Ministry of Defence's business. However, the following are specifically his responsibility:

Policy, including nuclear issues and European defence
Operations
Personnel
Finance and efficiency
Oversight of major acquisition decisions and defence industrial issues
Media and communications
People

Jocularly Dubbed " Swiss Des" on this board, from his supposed likeness to a greasy car dealer called Swiss Tony in the popular televisual entertainment entitled << The Fast Show >> , M'Lud.....do keep up at the back !

Le Chevre
 
#15
I think that this needs to go into ARRSEpedia, what do we think ...

"Ah yes, facing down the Taleban is very much like making love to a beautiful Afghan woman in a burqa. No-one can see you do it..."
 
#16
"...M'Lud.....do keep up at the back !..."

Ahh the popular beat combo....
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#17
Speed Kuff

Eye Thenk YO!...always nice to have some provenance for these things.... Beachcomber or Private Eye - Lord Justice Cocklecarrot ? :D
 
#18
Ok, Swiss Des it is then, we need an Arrsepedia entry :) Can the usual suspects move this into common usage ( a la TCH) as soon as possible? Journos, a fine Arrse T-shirt or tie for the first time this appears in print or in the TV media :D
 
#20
Goatman said:
First journo to use....my betting's on Minty McGinty or John LittleMail :-D
We must not discount Libby Purves or Andrew Gilligan, both regular ARRSE readers.

Least likely to refer to Swiss Des: the Scum- loving Soldier magazine, who are too keen to please MoD to risk mentioning SoS's nickname, BAFF, MoD ignoring court rulings, and (cont p.94)
 

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