F***in ugly but nice aquiantances.........

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BROCKS, Dec 3, 2010.

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  1. Now dont get me wrong,i dont consider myself to be the most handsome bastard in the world,but JR3 got me thinking about our lesser blessed friends?..we had one in our village a few yrs back.Eddie was his name,5ft3" tall in his best Gola trainers,squinty eyes,that peered down his boil encrusted nose,receeded hairline complimented by his greasey,limp ,side parted shoulder length hair..aged mid 40's,with a permanent expression of confusion on his horrendous physog,Eddie really did look like he'd been on smack since playschool,tho surprisingly had never done drugs...Unsurprisingly he still lived with his mum.Whereas most people afflicted with such cruel features,would be self conscious,our Eddie bless him was the polar opposite,and considered himself to be Gods gift to women,and regaled any poor bastard stood within 10ft of him with tales of "this orgy"and "that orgy"..most people uncomfortably moonwalked away from him,or decided they were supposed to be somewhere 10 minutes ago!,add to the horror mask face,the fact he looked like Begbie out of trainspotting and carried that look of phsyco,made him quite off-putting...not to young Brocks tho?..i found him amusing,having just left the Gunners,i was used to ugly fuckers with sentence stringing difficulties,i actively encouraged him! the way he smiled when reminiscing the "absolute fuckin stunners" of Skegness,who whilst holidaying with his mum,would give him a gobble for a fiver..made me love him even more!....one thing that always confused me tho?was his nickname"Eddie the wedge"??..i just presumed,it was due to living with his mum all his life and not having to spend any of his chicken factory wages.....then one night i discovered the reason,when i followed my mate into the bogs..only to here my mate shreik"FUCKIN HELL...FFFFUCKIN HELL",i replied whats up you silly ff....."???...then i saw it!Eddie smashing his 11" semi against the tiles!!!....that sight will stay with me for ever,and even tho i threatened to throw the ugly ,annoying little bastard thru the pub window a couple of times,I couldnt help admire him/it...the lucky lucky bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!..
     
  2. You should put 2 spaces after a fullstop, it will stop my eyes bleeding.
     
  3. Crack has obviously taken hold in Skegness.
     
  4. Was Eddie familiar with writing skills,sentence structure,punctuation and spelling?
     
  5. ha fair points about the grammar!
     

  6. Dont be too harsh on the fella, He's an ex-dropshort and we all know how thick they are!
     
  7. your quite right..in fact your very right! but i can lift heavy things.
     
  8. Sounds like a paper bag and gag is in order. Nature has a way of levelling the playing field. It endowed him with qualities some women will be attracted to.
     
  9. Got to love gunbunnies
     
  10. So could your well endowed mate, by the sounds of it!
     
  11. Been looking in the mirror again you do have a face like a bulldog licking piss from a nettle whilst it fell off the ugly tree and hitting every branch on the way down before catching fire and ending up with a face like Simon Weston
     
  12. My friend Craig is a diamond of a bloke. Such is the reliability and nature of his unflappability he is Godfather to a few of the lads kids and the general agreement is that a stauncher bloke there does not exist.

    One Friday night a month though he comes out with me. The bluffing cunt pleases and thankyou's his way around my house and leaves those who have bathed in his presence breathless, not by his charming wit nor his lovable personality but by his fucking abnormaly ugly head. Craig looks like a steroid enhanced Brian Moore with the developed forehead of Cro-Magnon man, his fingers tell the tale of a man who has worked with bricks and mortar for 15 years and never in my life have I seen a penis so meaty and heavily veined.

    His penis also is the stuff of legends, over the course of a fortnight the bar manageress, cleaner and ex wife of one of the first team scrum halfs at the Rugby Club sampled his immense organ and who then talked in hushed tones of his ability to flood a womb with an unhealthy amount of glue. The gopping cunt also likes squeezing the spots on his back then swallowing the mess that spews forth from them.

    For the full feel of his ugliness visiting a brothel with him usually underlines it nicely. I am a normal looking person, I am sure that when a whore looks at me she isnt automatically groaning inwardly at the thought of me poking around in her meatiness and noisily banging her until either my time runs out or the beer prevails but the sheer look of horror displayed by many a slag when Craig appears with his opening boom of 'ay up lass! tha's gonna get reet shagged t'neet!' and his constant rubbing of the rapidly expanding crotch as his Frankencock wakes up is a sight to behold.

    The rotten bastard also started a bizarre and untrue rumour about a local simpleton claiming he had seen him 'shagging a donkey up on one of the top fields', he repeated it that many times that now when the poor cunt enters a particular pub for a few post work wets a resounding cheer of 'aaaay! donkey shagger!!' erupts from different corners of the ale soaked shithole.
     

  13. I find 'fuck off slag' fired off through gritted teeth works.

    You seem like the sort of internet spunk receptacle that only has a history of failed relationships, heart rendering miscarriages and Birds Eye meals for one to reminisce about.
     
  14. I'd say you've pulled there, you smooth talking Royal.
     
  15. what is it with these natural born ugly fellas,and massive tools??.ive often said,if i was hung like Eddie the wedge,i would not be working shifts!!! surely theres a market for abnormally ugly pornstars?surely they cant all be as dashingly handsome as Ron Jeremy?