F***in old people in cars!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Zorro, Sep 8, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Now I am normally a pretty chilled out individual but what is the score with f***in old people and cars!!

    Am I the only one who thinks they should have their driving licences revoked when they hit 70. They can't see, can't hear and most of them can't reach the pedals as they have shrunk so much. They bimble along at 20mph, listening to Radio 4, Never ever looking in thier mirror to see the huge line of traffic building behind them.

    On the way home the other day I hit (not literally) one of these queues and at the front of it was an old biddie in a little fiesta crawling along.

    Now it would have been bad enough if she was just doing that but no, she would brake everytime a car came towards her on the other side of the road!! How no one crashed is a miracle.

    And don't get me started on tractors either!!!

    Sry, rant over, .............I need a coffee to calm down
  2. What about the 17 to whatever age, who think it’s their God given right to drive at warp factor 15 all the feckin time. You should have a medical and another driving theory/practical test every three years from the date of first pass.
    That would cut congestion.


    Im going on a driving holiday for 2 weeks, standby any Granny who gets in my way

    Good job Im not in charge, we`d all be fecked.
  3. If you want to f*** old people in cars it up to you mate, I imagine their zimmerframes get in the way once you get them in the back seat though. And the rest home will want them back by 10pm for their daily dose of wee and moth balls smell.
  4. it's ALWAYS a rover .... f*cking crusty old c-unts ...

    i work with motors (for now) and if you see a rover come in you can guarantee it'll have a nice comfy cushion in the seat and a packet of werthers originals in the glove box.

    it'll be an automatic

    and it'll be in for repair because the dusty old c-unt "got confused" which pedal was which (50/50 you f*cking alzheimers sufferer) and has totalled 5 other motors and a garage.

    retest at 60 and 70 ... euthenase at 71.
  5. When my dad was alive, he drove a Ford Granada, in which he used to pick a gear for the day and stick to it (bit of a bugger if
    it was reverse!)

    My mother on the other hand uses the clutch pedal as a foot rest and gets the engine screaming whilst doing 25 mph.

    I agree. Get em off the road. (Along with tw*tish boy racers)
  6. Agree totally - you think Rovers are bad, my grandfather is the proud owner of a Reliant Robin!

    Now, he too drives at 30 mph (but only cos they can't go any faster than that). The added trouble is that he is quite a hefty old geezer, and a big old bloke, a hair pin bend and a 3 wheeler do not make for a happy passenger!

    I'm sure that thing must take corners on one back wheel - how he's never rolled it is anyone's guess.
  7. my mate Gary bought a reliant in the pub ( i think he won it in a game of cards actually) ...

    what a b1tch magnet ... we were fighting them off wiith a sh1tty stick

    and yes ... they do roll, we used to regularly arrive in the pub car park on our side and have to climb out the passenger window and turn it upright again.

    someone blocked us in so we got 3 more blokes and picked it up to move it.

    i may get another one, i had more f@nny that summer than i could handle.
  8. Thanks LARD, I've just simultaneously pished myself & blown my brains through my nose at THAT! :oops: :lol: We must share a mother... Father, on the other hand, is rapidly approaching 70 but is an excellent driver & whilst not being quite as much of a psycho-speed-freak as me, doesn't exactly pootle along at 10 mph either.
  9. Those in the UK should thank their lucky stars that there are very few Koreans on the road there. I'm not one that typically subscribes to racial stereotypes, but I haven't met one in 4 1/2 years that has the first fcuking clue what to do behind the wheel of a car. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go and deal with the stoned, dirty, lazy wetback living next door who's insisting on playing ELO, loudly, on repeat at 0125 which is why I'm sat at the computer writing b0llocks instead of being away with the fairies, dreaming the dreams of the righteous. I've alredy been subjected to Michael Jackson's "Bad" album for two hours this evening.
  10. Ah, now I have LOADS of experiences of being in cars driven by Singaporeans, Malaysians & Indonesians. The general mentality is thus:

    * lights don't get used because they will wear out & have to be replaced
    * pick a gear, any gear & stay there - eventually you'll hit a speed that suits it
    * don't apply constant pressure to the accelerator - it will use too much petrol. Instead press, lurch and drift, press, lurch & drift...
    * drive into a stream of traffic without looking to see if it's clear – all drivers are eqully bad so they don't get stressed & there’s no road-rage
  11. And what is it with old people and those bloody stickers they put all over the car windows.

    My grandad has got little triangle ones with 'Torquay', 'Lyme Regis' and other places that only old people go to all over his windows.

    You sit in the back and look like you've gone back in time to VE Day surrounded by bunting!
  12. My Father in Law has a Mondeo Estate which in his hands is a lethal weapon despite him never driving fast enough to actually kill anything. He was recently flashed by a speed camera doing 40 in a 30 zone.

    This is because no matter where he is, town, motorway, country road, Waitrose car park etc he drives at 40. NOT 39, NOT 41 but 40.

    Strange thing is he is a lovely chap, well educated, well spoken, witty and an ex squaddie to boot but once he gets his tartan flat cap with the blue bobble on his head and slips behind the wheel of his Mondeo something strange happens. Must be a combination of the flat cap and sitting on one of those pile inducing wooden beaded cushion thingies.

    Saw the post about Werthers Original in the glove box, he has them! honest! he quite often has a bag of Uncle Joes Mint Balls in the centre console as well.

    Said speed camera incident has resulted in my Mother in Law accusing him of being "reckless" and she now nags him constantly to "Slow down and pay attention Bernard" which is interspersed with her "Map Reading" commands along the lines of "Ooooh, I think we should have turned left back there you know......"

    Oh God, no, please hubby, lets NOT go out in the car with your Mum & Dad. You drive instead, please, oh go on......
  13. Build a little kiddy steering wheel and a few switches into the back of every Wallace Arnold coach-seat in the land. Herd the oldies onto the coaches and have them driven around in circles.
    That'll keep them
    a. entertained,
    b. out of our way.
  14. wood in cars ..... it's wrong.

    stop it.

    and beaded seat covers.

    and dogs .... DO NOT let f*cking mutts in cars that some other poor c-unt may one day have to get in ... they f-ucking reek.

    and i don't want to see a picture of your repulsive grand kids .... ugly feral little c-unts.

    tatran blankets will not make your car more comfy.

    why do some old people put stickers with "lights" and stuff like that written on next to a button with a picture of a f-ucking light on it !!!!!!!!!!!!

    Rovers are sh1t .... period.
  15. thinking..........um....how to get a reacation.....umm....Oh yeah i know...............

    The only thing worse than old biddies and boy racers are young women. If they are not doing their hair and make up (whilst moving!!) they are chatting on their mobiles and brushing thier hair. They never look in the mirrors either, have no idea how wide their car is (so will never overtake anything even when stationary!) and can't park for toffee.

    In fact the only people who should be allowed on the road are male drivers (over the age of 25 but under 70!), everyone else can catch the bus!

    now that should do it