F*cking with the new guy

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by kyleq101, Aug 16, 2009.

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  1. got talking with an old friend about the various tricks played on new soldiers:
    "hey you, go find (insert senior NCO, Officer, usually a hardass) and get a box of grid squares from him" laughter (and many, many push-ups ensue)
    "hey you, we need to make sure this turret is screwed on tight. get in there and traverse it clockwise until i tell you to stop." laughter ensues (never saw this one done but heard about it) along with a fair amount of vomiting from dizzyness.
    anybody else got one?
  2. How about "Go fetch a bucket of tartan paint"?
  3. or "god dammit, this radio is busted. hey pvt, go get me a can of squelch grease!" actually fell for that one. on return (after 45 mins) : "were you born stupid, or do you have to work at it?"
  4. Long stand, long weight, spirit level bubles and the key to the indoor granade range all spring to mind.
  5. using the wing mirror arm minus the mirror to get the new officer to pump up the tracks

    or give this note to the SSM whilst carrying a hammer " give me some sodding leave you b;stard or i'll smash your desk up)
  6. I remember at Aldershot phoning Depot RCT and telling the guard corporal that we were from the PSA putting the new security fence up and had left a pack of "grommits" in the grass, could you send the fire piquet out to look for them, you could tell by the tone of his voice that he didn't have a clue what we talking about but agreed nonetheless to save face. We drove past five minutes later to see the fire piquet on their hands and knees with torches looking for our grommits. :D :D :D
  7. I got "order a length of fallopian tube" (it was actually on the system but is not an actual valid part - which makes it all tougher) and "report to stores to be issued with your DPM skirt" (which I did get my revenge for)
  8. If you had " Group H" in the old type driving licence you should be in the Air Sqn as you could fly Helecopters

    I am sorry Danny but it was funny
  9. removing oil from the cvrt petrol engine by wiping the dipstick clean and re-inserting it repeat when level correct

    remove oil from under said wagon with rag readying for PRE

    Use the fishplate to get all the road wheel hubs at the same position
  10. Telling a skinny little sprog to get in the back door cage of a CVRT because it needs to be fitted for him so he can be the rear door gunner.
  11. Tankie2ndrtr

    Tankie2ndrtr Old-Salt Reviewer

    I once saw a new lad following the OC with the 0C c/s board raised above his head. !

    Hohne Ranges 2003

    Or is the headlight filiment gone ? *young trooper leans forward to inspect it................. BEEEEEEEEEEEEP !
    Horn allways get TP LDR´s aswell :)
  12. Cheers cunt guard at depot RCT was 2 hours on/off for 24 hrs and during the 2 hrs off normally had to escort SUS doing boggy jobs and bone details as well as fire picquet nor were they allowed to lie on the beds until after 18:00hrs. So a good chance the lads were hanging out their arse
    after that some poor bastards were day on day of for weeks they looked like something out the living dead.

    Anyway had a recruit sent to us asking for a long stand kept him there for an hour or 2 only for his troop staff to phone up and ask if they could have him back.

    Dont forget a tin of elbow grease as well :wink:
  13. Or a tub of rainbow coloured paint.
  14. 4 ADSR 1989, a young Sig M-B straight from Catterick was sent to the QMs with big trolley thing to collect tyred wheels for 432 so we could take it down town to put it through car wash!!

    Wet behind the ears? I had a fucking shower behind them!!

  15. While track-bashing a 432 I was sent off to the RQ Tech to get a vital piece of equipment needed to make sure when we made a new hole it would be in line with the existing ones.

    Yes folks, I went and asked if I could draw a 'drill square'. I was very good at pressups in those days.