F*cking madwomen

#1
I have read that madwomen are far better in bed than the nice sort because their libidos are fuelled by high-octane rage.

Having no experience of this, I ask you- true or false?
 
#2
The best ones are the ones that are really crazy, the ones that scream, stab themselves and fist their own anus's.

And they are generally ok for when you lead the Donkey in as well.
 
#4
Absolutely false. I married a she-devil, she was hopeless at rumpy pumpy and made me so vexed I had to set the dogs on her in the end. Lives somewhere near the south coast now so I'm told (best place for her say I)
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#5
Don't even entertain the idea. The sex might be great, but the mental bit of it can kill, or at the very least, leave lasting mental scars - I KNOW!
 
#7
Biped said:
Don't even entertain the idea. The sex might be great, but the mental bit of it can kill, or at the very least, leave lasting mental scars - I KNOW!
You're quite right, come to think of it. Another Arrser (don't know who) reported (unsuspectingly) pulling some psychoette.

Post-shag, he woke up to find her rocking back and forth, weeping hysterically, and only then noticed that she was covered in new and old slash scars.

Then he noticed a carving knife on the floor beside the bed 8O

I can't understand how he managed to get dressed whilst running like ten men...sheer incentive, I suppose!
 
#8
To be fair, Mrs Tubs has never been the most sane person I have ever met. Hence why she is Mrs Tubs rather than an ex-girlfriend...

I have to say that, while she was a psycho girlfriend, the sex was fecking brilliant and knackering. When she became Mrs Tubs however, she just became frigid (and stopped hiding her neuroses).

Ain't Married life great?

Tubs
 
#9
Tubbyboy said:
To be fair, Mrs Tubs has never been the most sane person I have ever met. Hence why she is Mrs Tubs rather than an ex-girlfriend...

I have to say that, while she was a psycho girlfriend, the sex was fecking brilliant and knackering. When she became Mrs Tubs however, she just became frigid (and stopped hiding her neuroses).

Ain't Married life great?

Tubs
Yet another reason not to get married-if one were needed.
 
#10
puzzledgrunt said:
Tubbyboy said:
To be fair, Mrs Tubs has never been the most sane person I have ever met. Hence why she is Mrs Tubs rather than an ex-girlfriend...

I have to say that, while she was a psycho girlfriend, the sex was fecking brilliant and knackering. When she became Mrs Tubs however, she just became frigid (and stopped hiding her neuroses).

Ain't Married life great?

Tubs
Yet another reason not to get married-if one were needed.
No, really, married life is great,







so she tells me.

Tubs
 
#11
It is very true. I have had more than my fair share. I can tell you though it is not worth it. Turn around and walk away.
 
#12
puzzledgrunt said:
Post-shag, he woke up to find her rocking back and forth, weeping hysterically, and only then noticed that she was covered in new and old slash scars.

Then he noticed a carving knife on the floor beside the bed
Where can i find her? Im hard already...
 
#13
I lived with a mad woman once. She would scream the place down whilst doing the deed (no matter where or when). At first I found this quite erotic, but after a while rather annoying.

Fast forward to after we had bought the house. She would shag half the town, but if I went in to the local for a pint, she would come in creating holy feck accusing the bar maid or any other women who might be there of trying to get off with me.

Not a nice time in my life, although every now and again I think of the screaming..........
 
#14
Forget it. The sex isn't always that great, you can hardly talk to them and there is always that risk that they will wake you up with a knife to your throat. Oh, don't forget the paranoia when you are out of their sight for more than five minutes because you are obviosly s*agging anything with a pulse. Stay away!
 
#15
They are all fucking madwomen.

Selah.
 
#16
Yes, mad woman is surely a tautology? Like black darkness or, oh I don't know, incompetent Des Browne?

I went out with a woman who seemed completely sane, well-balanced and was very fit. Over the time we were together, she became mad, lumpy and manipulative. We hadn't even got married FFS! She would call it all off, I would start seeing some other bird and bada-boom-bada-bing there she would be, offering sex and looking daggers at the current Cuddlesse en titre.

Eventually I learned to shag her without giving of my precious inner flower, after which she became almost desperate for me to humiliate her. I well remember the night she offered her all on her kitchen floor. Throughout the experience I was thinking, "must be up early I've got to catch a train to Catterick" and "I wonder if she has any brandy".

Luckily her husband had a bottle of duty free, which I polished off as a further mark of my respect for him...I was on a post divorce mad-minute, I cannot condone my actions and can only thank the Queen for sending me to warrier climes so I could get myself straight. Op tours do help cut through the bullsh!t don't they?
 
#18
I used to utilise a five point check with birds.

If during the first week of the relationship she...

1, Claims she was once raped.
2, Claims her ex used to beat her up.
3, Claims she has attempted suicide.
4, Starts talking about getting engaged.
5, Claims her ex was / is a big drug dealer..

Then she is a madbird.
That checklist virtually put all women born and bred within 10 miles of Plymouth out of bounds for me :evil:
 
#19
Hang on, there are people who will willingly get into bed with a bunny boiler? I wouldn't have thought anything made up for the 'anonymous' letters and general feeling of having to constantly look over your shoulder...
 
#20
Lets cut to the main message

ALL BIRDS ARE FECKING MAD AS A BAG OF FROGS
 
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