Explosive W*nk

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by gunnerfalkey, Apr 8, 2008.

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  1. Righto, just finished scoff, time for a hand shandy me thinks.

    Away we go, began with the rosy palm for a quick warm up, established cruise with the double monkey, then finished with the reverse vulcan death grip, with a quick pinch to increase the pressure.

    What a mess. On the walls, PC, carpet and all over my suit, never seen anything like it.

    The problem is i have to go and attend a management meeting now and feel like a tranquilized horse and my clothes are glazed in salty smelly cum.

    Solution please?
  2. Use a sock you dip sh!t...!
  3. er?.......... try not to w@nk off blokes who are just back from the stan?...........just a suggestion like!
  4. Have a walk through a car wash. And what BPS666 said.
  5. Funny.

    Seriously though. This meeting is in one hour and my trousers are soaked. I have tried sponging them but a white sheen remains!!! How can i get rid of the stain! Help people! Im desperate! My trousers smell too! OH NO. ITS in my hair too! FFS. I cant wash my hair, an i cant go in with it wet to the meeting. What should i do? I could spike my hair a bit, pretend its gel? HELP ME!
  6. Won't be a problem if the rest of the people attending the meeting are w*ankers too.
  7. Ring in and say you contracted norovirus. Always works.
  8. No they know i am of good health. I cannot phone in sick. I have given my trousers to the dog, he seems to like the taste (well i know he does from past experiences) so hopefully he will lick the stain clean. With regards to the hair situation im pulling up the clumpy strands so hopefully i will look street.
  9. I wouldnt worry too much.
    You're a bit late for it now anyhoo.
    Your first post was almost an hour ago.


  10. The meeting is at 8.

    He has not cleaned the stain.

    Time for punish.
  11. Oh so your comment

    was just a throw away remark?

    How very drole.
    Forgive me for being the fun police, I just felt like being a cnut.

    Tell you what, try vinegar, I heard it removes some stubborn stains, and at least if it doesnt work, the mixture of semen and vinegar will make it possible to fool everyone into believing you've just had fish and chips :D
  12. A suitable plan.

    Now i need to deal with this incompetent dog!

    I might not be fully charged up again yet, but at least its still hard as a rock, ready for round two no doubt.

    This is going to feel good. He might be a bit tight but the vaseline always helps with that!

    TIME FOR PUNISH. :twisted:
  13. If you are still at home Change your suit. In future young man leave Mr William alone , it will stunt your growth.

  14. Im at a friends house. But she is out.

    Just me, and her dog :twisted:

    This isnt turning out quite so bad after all :p
  15. Naughty dog has been disciplined :twisted:

    He might be strong, but he isnt as strong as me. What a mess on my old john! The amount he bleeds! even after 3 sessions! I even lubed him up.

    I love the look in his eyes afterward, he always thanks me.

    Im off for my meeting.