Experts wanted for Authoritative ARRSEPedia article - The Shed

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Excognito, Jan 16, 2011.

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  1. Gentlefolk,

    Either my search engine is seriously broken or there is a major omission from ARRSEPedia. I can find no serious, in-depth, authoritative work on that sine qua non of male dominion - The Shed.

    I can discover everything there is to know about Walts, Para Mortars, THEM and even the Crabs and Andrews, but not The Shed.

    I'm looking for Volunteers to correct this oversight ... you, you and you - this is what weekends and nights were invented for :)
  2. Have you been wandering in the desert for the last 18 months, or in prison(Devil's Island?), or lost in a brewery?

    Or are you just being sarcastic and bloody-minded.

    The Iron Duke has given his all - to sheds. He has passed the 100,000 visitor mark for his insightfulness in opening a thread
    on Sheds. (He needs your sympathy by the way - he has an infestation of worms - and trouble with his bowels).
  3. Which shed, I have one at the end of the garden which has the kids toys in, one on the allotment that has my 'toys' and bottle opener in, I've been to the Shed at Chelsea but full of children, and don't really know any other sheds.
    Advise, over !
  4. Not quite his all - there is the little matter of it's lack of coverage in ARRSEPedia - the fount of all true wisdom and knowledge. Whether I pray for him or his worms depends upon his seeing the light and bringing succinct wisdom to the masses. :twisted:
  5. Don't matter, man. As the gurus of ancient have said: a cigar is just a smoke, but a shed is a Shed.


    Fades out singing this song to a well known tune ...

    I like them tall sheds
    I like them short sheds
    I like them brown paint sheds
    I like them green paint sheds
    I like them big sheds
    I like them small sheds
    I like them carrying a little bitty workshop sheds

    I get all the sheds I get all the sheds
  6. Try searching under "wooden construction of temporary nature".

    The word "sh*d" is strictly taboo!
  7. I haven't yet reached the Level of Adept Arrse and am consequently forbidden access to these deeper mysteries.

    Only to women.

    The word clearly appears in several articles including Cider and in the description of a Defender (I suppose one could also define the BN aeroplane as a shed with wings and the LR vehicle as a shed with wheels).
  8. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Be very careful! While it is true that some mentions have been made of sh*ds but these are posts that have been missed by the COs. If they found out that the was a thread about sh*ds then there would be hell to pay. Just as well they don't bother actually reading the stuff that is posted here. :)

    Anyway, by putting up an entry in Arrsepedia this could only result in disaster.
  9. If you should require any assistance with tunnelling in the vicinity of "Sh**s then contact Revmodes by p.m. or Digger c/o Rampton secure hospital, remedial therapy department, we are pretty busy at the moment with a project in the tower of london area, but should be free just after the royal wedding..

    Dont be put off by our last caper,we were sabotaged by anti wooden structure activists on the Autumn:Season of mellow fruitfullness thread. As we speak Tom O' Shot is plotting revenge!!
  10. Why would we want to bring succinct wisdom to the masses? Or any sort of wisdom at all? We hate the masses, that's why we have sheds!

    And who told you we had wisdom anyway - never mind enough to give it away to others?
  11. I’d like to join forces with anyone willing to ‘shed’ some proper light on the huge gaps in our knowledge about Sheds… what are they for? Or to be more precise what are they used for? Places to store garden tools and junk or are they sinister manifestation placed on Earth to examine the behaviour of human beings?

    Apparently these devices that can transcend the laws of space and time are capable taking out of action the majority of adult males in UK during periods of likely invasion by aliens…Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoons are especially when we are most vulnerable. There is defo something going on and ARRSEPedia has a duty to inform.

    Now I’m no expert but we do have a shed in our garden that gives off a strange smell that is almost irresistible…Pine and creosote may have mind altering properties because my brother in-law heads straight for it on arrival and he can hardly walk when he emerges an hour or so later, a dribbling mess, babbling the same old Irish jokes or insults about his nagging missus. The Shed can also send out intermittent humming sounds that seems to draw us to it like Seirenes on cape Pelorum. It could be just an old fridge containing surplus tins of beer and cheap supermarket wine but other forces must be at work…burp.

    Unlike our garage where one can actually get some work done The Shed has a paralysing effect on all who enter it. Come on ARRSEPedia …investigate and report accordingly, it could be a matter of national security.
  12. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Enough. Let us offer the traitors the warm hand of fellowship and forgiveness?

    We know who has communicated with Julian Assange regarding the Secrets of the Sh*dii and the filthy plan to whore our arcane knowlege on ARRSEPedia..

    We feel your pain, traitors. Confess now. Share your dispicable shame with honest citizens and we will enroll you for re-education.

    Or your Mum can scrape the brains of little Scuttles off of her glasses before a 18" Stilson Record unexpectedly connects with the back of her head and her remains tip into the canal to float face down to be eaten by rats.

    Your shout.
  13. I once saw a shed with a plaque over the door with 'nowhere' carved onto it.

    "Where you going love?"


    Ways around all rules....
  14. Actually the reverse applies. If those aliens do arrive unexpectedly (on a Sat or Sun) they will take out the humans on the golf courses, and the supermarkets, and the lunch-time pub diners, and the dog-walkers, and all those scattered in vulnerable open spaces like market stalls and river banks around the country-side.

    They will miss entirely the true men of our nation, those safely ensconsed in their sheds.

    When the aliens leave all those dedicated Sheddi will emerge to re-populate the earth - which is why is why we permit some Sheddi to be female!

    Stand by Boldnotold!
  15. :-? They can read?

    Not if you put it up right, with proper frames and battens. Decent sized virtual nails should help. :)