Discussion in 'Armed Forces Jokes' started by The_Remover, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook.
    Night falls.

    First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.

    "Excellent!" remarks the trainer.

    Next up - the Para 's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.

    "A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the

    Lastly, in go the Coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.

    "What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".

    So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.

    "Are you taking the p*ss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer.

    The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:

    "Alright, alright, I'm a f*ckin' rabbit!"
  2. West Midlands Policing. Bring it back.
    It was fucking great in its day.
  3. :twisted:
    I thought this was the norm!
  4. :eek:
    Cool! Loved it
  5. i love this battles between all them , and they r all so true
  6. very good, well done :D
  7. Outstanding Private Pyle - you can shag my sister anytime.
  8. Made my day the best yet :D
  9. :headbang:
    nice one
  10. fuckin coppers there always there when you dont want them .twats. :twisted: