Excuses for Limpness/No Detonation?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by caubeen, May 17, 2007.

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  1. It must have happened to all of us.

    Utterly lovely bird. Utterly lovely sh@g prospects. Quiet, warm place.

    But you couldn't Rise To The Occasion. Or, if risen, proceed to Detonation.

    Accounts and excuses/explanations?

    Mine was : "Ive just been declared Forward Tropical, and the jabs they've given me are making me feel sick".

  2. " Sorry love i can just about stand i have drunk 10 pints of harp and a few irish mists "

    ( then proceed to collapse )
  3. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    never mind, it's my age, but I can breathe through my ears.
  4. "Can I have a tenner back, then, love?"
  5. Brewer's droop has never been a problem...brewer's can't quite finish is a different story!
  6. Cuddles, dear boy! Got to you, too, eh? 8)

    Bushmills o'clock in my loc. :D

    Slainte!! :roll: :D
  7. Your starting early my friend!

    And why not!

    I find that the present Ms BoS quite enjoys the "cant detonate" moment!

    Just fake it............they never notice if they are as p1ssed as you!
  8. 'Couldn't be arrsed luv'

    'Your fanny smells like an old kipper'

    'It must be your fault, it's never happened before'

    'Christ! You remind me of my wife'
  9. " Your cúnt is bigger than a bucket"
    "The blackout curtains failed to stop me seeing your face"
    "a piece of sweetcorn from your shitter has blocked my japs eye"

    Just wear a condom and fake it. A wnak is much less hassle.
  10. Why do we always do it in the dark, and I would get those piles seen to. They are hugh and starting to grow hairs.
  11. It's always best just to blame them for being insufficiently skilled or attractive.
  12. Whats poor Hugh got to with it? Dont try and blame others for you shortcomings. A bad tradesman always blames his tool etc etc
  13. 'It's my bad week'

    'Your too fat'

    'The cat/dog/hamster licked my arrse'
  14. Surely yours should have been something more along the lines of.

    "Sorry love, but i've been averaging 42 posts a day on the ARRSE for the last couple of months and i've got no time for anything else"

    Either that, or you were going to get your end away, but you said fcuking 'Bushmills' so often that she attempted to strangle you.
  15. "Now before I can allow myself to get hard are you ok with my AIDS problem"