ex sqaddie songwriter wants Sqaddies opinions on lyrics

#1
ex 22yr sqaddie wants comments (by guys on current or recent ops)on a song I've written, Ive uploaded it to youtube (links at the bottom) lyrics are in the comments box below the viewing screen (expand them) I'm not a guitarist, but i'd love to hear thoughts on the lyrics relavence to boys on ops, your thoughts on possible changes

reply via youtube if you wish.
cheers gez

gonna pitch it to billy bragg! (maybe not)

Thanks for all comments pulled it from youtube so not to offend further, 1st attempt remember! keep safe on Ops!
regards
 
R

randomgary

Guest
#2
dude!! would you want a mother with a son in afghan to hear that? do you think it will bring any comfort to friends and family?

i dont
 
#4
Awful song and the lyrics are poor. I certainl wouldnt want families of soldiers serving out there to hear it

You should be shot!!!

:x :x :x :x :x
 
#5
jarrod248 said:
You can't sing, can't write music and you're pig ugly.
Guaranteed chart material then.
 
#6
That's just bad
 
#8
sod em all fella, better than they and I could do. carry on with it n send it to Billy Bragg
 
#9
ex22yrcfn said:
ex 22yr sqaddie wants comments (by guys on current or recent ops)on a song I've written, Ive uploaded it to youtube (links at the bottom) lyrics are in the comments box below the viewing screen (expand them) I'm not a guitarist, but i'd love to hear thoughts on the lyrics relavence to boys on ops, your thoughts on possible changes

reply via youtube if you wish.
cheers gez

gonna pitch it to billy bragg!

HERE's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlGF_SRFQ6U
Anti war song on the Premier Military Website in the country. Go for it dude. 8)

You are Durchy, you are ex Binfantry and I claim my 10p. :)
 
#10
I prefer the Amazing__Lobster dubstep version:

Remix

edit:

Can get the link to work; even the vuvezela player can't stand it.

Although tbh, it's not terrible, and maybe a bit catchy :)
 
#11
Bragg's a pacifist and wouldn't touch it, although I can see why you thought of him.

I really thought that I was going to hear something truly crap, but actually it's got potential, but you need to change a few things.

The balance is wrong and to sort that out you either need to double verse, or add two more verses; and don't start with the chorus, it's like jumping into a story half way through.

Post-mortem songs are fecking daft most of the time - think Tell Laura I love Her etc.

Change the theme to injured and you may have something (and that means losing the WB reference which I think that you should anyway). Instead go injury-> Lynham-> Selly Oak-> Headley->Aftermath. That gives you a) a protest song and b) the extra verses.

Slow the tempo down a bit, same pitch and melody (which actually aren't that bad), and it'll have more impact. Have a listen to Harvey Andrew's original version of Soldier in comparison to rock versions and you'll see what I mean.

Lose the word Rock in Rock Drill, it makes you sound like a crab.
 
#14
After 22 years in the green and a bit of duff hearing the least you could have done was provide some subtitles you GIT!

You thrashed the guitar too much to allow the words to be heard properly. As in previous posts, listen to Harvey Andrews and not just the Soldier song. There are plenty of songs on his Writer of Songs LP to give you some inspiration.

To the rest of the arrsers out there, do not condemn to quickly a fledglings first attempt at flying from the nest.

But if he hits the ground with a thud, "Smithers, release the hounds."
 
#15
After managing to see the lyrics on the tube, 50 % are goodish, but with some changes it could turn out to be a decent song.
 
#16
twosup said:
sod em all fella, better than they and I could do. carry on with it n send it to Billy Bragg
Better yet, send it to Billy Connolly, whoever has to listen to that sh!te needs a sense of humour.
 
#17
Its not very good is it seemple.

Try getting one of them one man band setups with the symbals between your knees - hopefully you`ll trap your knackers and sterilize yourself, at least then it will be semi entertaining to watch. Someone campared you to billy brag - why do they hate billy that much, hes good you`re shit.
 
#18
I liked it, alot. Just some changes to help it along, in my opinion I would change the song (completely) including all the lyrics.

"Switching to auto, in the dead of night", mmm, is this a new SOP?

Good luck with your fight against cancer, which you may or may not have, but deserve.
 
#19
To all
many thanks for all your comments, even personal attacks! going to pull it from youtube, so not to offend any one else. will take on board tips (not sure about symbals between the knees though)
keep safe on Ops
regards
 
#20
He's gone off to neck a bottle of absinthe and go for 'a walk in the woods', the poor sensitive artiste. It's all our fault. Is a 'sqaddie' a type of cymbal?
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top