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Every day I pray for Arrse...

#1
...just before I lay my--admittedly handsome--head down on the pillow.

God,

I don't ask for much but please grant me this;

That my papist friends bring back Britain into the orbit of our great Papa in Rome and slay the heathens who don't convert. Leave atheists be, better to be them than Methodist or Presbyterian.

That one day Arrse dedicates a shrine to that dude Tony Blair who seemed a pretty good friend of America. We loved Churchill and the Brits came around on that one, let them come around on Tony as well.

That Sergey and Domovoy get green cards to the United States, good jobs in Brighton Beach, season tickets to the NY Yankees and a good dental plan.

That all the professional soccer (football) teams in GB suffer the same fate as those Argentinians dudes who crashed in the Andes and became cannibals thereby giving American football a toehold on the island.

And lastly that for one day God, for only one day, there won't be any posts on Arrse predicting the economic/military dramatic and epic decline and destruction of America off the face of the planet.


Odds are they'll be a f'ing memorial page to Blair on Arrse, a greeting posted from Sergey vacationing in Disney Land, and Biped leading an Arrse amateur gridiron team in pregame Hail Mary's before I ever see the last paragraph happen.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#2
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
 
#3
TheIronDuke said:
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
Can't get much for a pony these days. Better off with a monkey.
 

Fugly

LE
DirtyBAT
#5
putteesinmyhands said:
TheIronDuke said:
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
Can't get much for a pony these days. Better off with a monkey.
Not much eating on a monkey. Go with the pony. Or a cow, with a couple of pigs and some chickens.

And a zebra that shits hash browns.
 
#6
Fugly said:
putteesinmyhands said:
TheIronDuke said:
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
Can't get much for a pony these days. Better off with a monkey.
Not much eating on a monkey. Go with the pony. Or a cow, with a couple of pigs and some chickens.

And a zebra that shits hash browns.
Mmm Hash Browns.

OK - my Prayer - it might not rhyme:

Before I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for blokes to weep
For those serving in the Stan
Hope your wife gets a good man
I'd like to pray for a decent thread
One that doesn't want make me to kill ********* dead
A thread that wants to make me laugh
Rather than kick the fucking shite out of people who post fucking bollocks and are only brave over a keyboard.

Amen.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#7
Fugly said:
putteesinmyhands said:
TheIronDuke said:
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
Can't get much for a pony these days. Better off with a monkey.
Not much eating on a monkey. Go with the pony. Or a cow, with a couple of pigs and some chickens.

And a zebra that shits hash browns.
I am not sure Jesus would be happy with you praying for an exotic animal that shits hash. I think it is illegal.

I'll stick with the pony if thats all right? Can I have a black and white one please?
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#8
The_Snail said:
Fugly said:
putteesinmyhands said:
TheIronDuke said:
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
Can't get much for a pony these days. Better off with a monkey.
Not much eating on a monkey. Go with the pony. Or a cow, with a couple of pigs and some chickens.

And a zebra that shits hash browns.
Mmm Hash Browns.

OK - my Prayer - it might not rhyme:

Before I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for blokes to weep
For those serving in the Stan
Hope your wife gets a good man
I'd like to pray for a decent thread
One that doesn't want make me to kill ********* dead
A thread that wants to make me laugh
Rather than kick the fucking shite out of people who post fucking bollocks and are only brave over a keyboard.

Amen.
here...




sip that, contemplate and fucking button it. Some of us are about our prayers.
 
#9
TheIronDuke said:
I'll stick with the pony if thats all right? Can I have a black and white one please?
I think you'll find that's called a zebra.
 
#11
TheIronDuke said:
The_Snail said:
Fugly said:
putteesinmyhands said:
TheIronDuke said:
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
Can't get much for a pony these days. Better off with a monkey.
Not much eating on a monkey. Go with the pony. Or a cow, with a couple of pigs and some chickens.

And a zebra that shits hash browns.
Mmm Hash Browns.

OK - my Prayer - it might not rhyme:

Before I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for blokes to weep
For those serving in the Stan
Hope your wife gets a good man
I'd like to pray for a decent thread
One that doesn't want make me to kill ********* dead
A thread that wants to make me laugh
Rather than kick the fucking shite out of people who post fucking bollocks and are only brave over a keyboard.

Amen.
here...




sip that, contemplate and fucking button it. Some of us are about our prayers.
Has it got 3 sugars in? Got to keep my figure......

Oooh - if it's in a big cup, I might need 4.
 
#13
TheIronDuke said:
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.
Whoa, spooky!
Me too.
And when the big guy didn't answer me, I resorted to badgering my parents, who were having none of it (don't start), even when I downgraded it to a donkey when I was 11.
I just had to make do with ponies in the outhouse.
(Bloody luxury!)

Hmm, donkeys. Donkeys vs Elephants. vs Bears. vs Lions.
East-West. Whichever way the wind blows.

And Virgil:
And lastly that for one day God, for only one day, there won't be any posts on Arrse predicting the economic/military dramatic and epic decline and destruction of America off the face of the planet.
You say that like it's a bad thing :)
 
#14
CQMS said:
Order out of chaos

AF1157
AF1033
AF1954

On the seventh day he should have created G4.
The X Factor created them. All Hail Simon Cowell.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G4_(band)

(Linkys aren't working on the craptop)

Amen.
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#15
The_Snail said:
Fugly said:
putteesinmyhands said:
TheIronDuke said:
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
Can't get much for a pony these days. Better off with a monkey.
Not much eating on a monkey. Go with the pony. Or a cow, with a couple of pigs and some chickens.

And a zebra that shits hash browns.
Mmm Hash Browns.

OK - my Prayer - it might not rhyme:

Before I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for blokes to weep
For those serving in the Stan
Hope your wife gets a good man
I'd like to pray for a decent thread
One that doesn't want make me to kill ********* dead
A thread that wants to make me laugh
Rather than kick the fucking shite out of people who post fucking bollocks and are only brave over a keyboard.

Amen.
Slugster, it might not rhyme, or have any sense of rhythm (I was going to say meter, but I couldn't rememeber how to spell it) but it does have a certain something.

It reminds me of Government issue toilet paper. It almost, but not quite, fails to be of any use at all.... :wink:
 
#16
i like cheese
 
#17
The_Snail said:
Fugly said:
putteesinmyhands said:
TheIronDuke said:
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
Can't get much for a pony these days. Better off with a monkey.
Not much eating on a monkey. Go with the pony. Or a cow, with a couple of pigs and some chickens.

And a zebra that shits hash browns.
Mmm Hash Browns.

OK - my Prayer - it might not rhyme:

Before I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for blokes to weep
For those serving in the Stan
Hope your wife gets a good man
I'd like to pray for a decent thread
One that doesn't want make me to kill ********* dead
A thread that wants to make me laugh
Rather than kick the fucking shite out of people who post fucking bollocks and are only brave over a keyboard.

Amen.
'I'd like to pray for a decent thread
One that doesn't want make me to kill ********* dead'

Dunno why but I love that bit

sort of shit ya could find scribbled on a compound wall in helmand
if it wasnt as net related. :D
 
#18
Every night I pray for arrse, too. But the missus just says she has a headache.

Still, next year in Jerusalem.
 

oldbaldy

LE
Moderator
#19
TheIronDuke said:
I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
I pray for Scotland to beat the All Blacks on 8th November.
Think I have as much chance as you with the pony,.
 
#20
putteesinmyhands said:
TheIronDuke said:
I'll stick with the pony if thats all right? Can I have a black and white one please?
I think you'll find that's called a zebra.
I think you will find its called a skewbaled or for our septic friends a "paint" pony.
 

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