Every day I pray for Arrse...

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Virgil, Sep 17, 2008.

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  1. ...just before I lay my--admittedly handsome--head down on the pillow.


    I don't ask for much but please grant me this;

    That my papist friends bring back Britain into the orbit of our great Papa in Rome and slay the heathens who don't convert. Leave atheists be, better to be them than Methodist or Presbyterian.

    That one day Arrse dedicates a shrine to that dude Tony Blair who seemed a pretty good friend of America. We loved Churchill and the Brits came around on that one, let them come around on Tony as well.

    That Sergey and Domovoy get green cards to the United States, good jobs in Brighton Beach, season tickets to the NY Yankees and a good dental plan.

    That all the professional soccer (football) teams in GB suffer the same fate as those Argentinians dudes who crashed in the Andes and became cannibals thereby giving American football a toehold on the island.

    And lastly that for one day God, for only one day, there won't be any posts on Arrse predicting the economic/military dramatic and epic decline and destruction of America off the face of the planet.

    Odds are they'll be a f'ing memorial page to Blair on Arrse, a greeting posted from Sergey vacationing in Disney Land, and Biped leading an Arrse amateur gridiron team in pregame Hail Mary's before I ever see the last paragraph happen.
  2. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    I pray for a pony. I've done that since I was six.

    Not to the ARRSE of course. That would be silly. I pray to God. For a pony.
  3. Can't get much for a pony these days. Better off with a monkey.
  4. Since he's omniscient he already knows.
  5. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    Not much eating on a monkey. Go with the pony. Or a cow, with a couple of pigs and some chickens.

    And a zebra that shits hash browns.
  6. Mmm Hash Browns.

    OK - my Prayer - it might not rhyme:

    Before I lay me down to sleep
    I pray the Lord for blokes to weep
    For those serving in the Stan
    Hope your wife gets a good man
    I'd like to pray for a decent thread
    One that doesn't want make me to kill ********* dead
    A thread that wants to make me laugh
    Rather than kick the fucking shite out of people who post fucking bollocks and are only brave over a keyboard.

  7. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    I am not sure Jesus would be happy with you praying for an exotic animal that shits hash. I think it is illegal.

    I'll stick with the pony if thats all right? Can I have a black and white one please?
  8. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer



    sip that, contemplate and fucking button it. Some of us are about our prayers.
  9. I think you'll find that's called a zebra.
  10. Man that is born of woman;

    Ha'th but a short life,

    And it is full of misery.
  11. Has it got 3 sugars in? Got to keep my figure......

    Oooh - if it's in a big cup, I might need 4.
  12. Order out of chaos


    On the seventh day he should have created G4.
  13. Whoa, spooky!
    Me too.
    And when the big guy didn't answer me, I resorted to badgering my parents, who were having none of it (don't start), even when I downgraded it to a donkey when I was 11.
    I just had to make do with ponies in the outhouse.
    (Bloody luxury!)

    Hmm, donkeys. Donkeys vs Elephants. vs Bears. vs Lions.
    East-West. Whichever way the wind blows.

    And Virgil:
    And lastly that for one day God, for only one day, there won't be any posts on Arrse predicting the economic/military dramatic and epic decline and destruction of America off the face of the planet.
    You say that like it's a bad thing :)
  14. The X Factor created them. All Hail Simon Cowell.


    (Linkys aren't working on the craptop)

  15. Slugster, it might not rhyme, or have any sense of rhythm (I was going to say meter, but I couldn't rememeber how to spell it) but it does have a certain something.

    It reminds me of Government issue toilet paper. It almost, but not quite, fails to be of any use at all.... :wink: