Ever wished you were quicker off the mark............?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ham-shank, Sep 6, 2007.

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  1. After a long and, its got to be said, wine sodden flight to the US I woke up just as the plane came to a standstill at the stand. I stood up and got my bag from the overhead bin only to turn around to find the lady (60yrs +) who had been sitting next to me throughout the journey staring at my crotch with a look of open-mouthed horror.

    Looking down I realised that the outline of a rather magnificent throbber could clearly be seen through my trousers. The lady began spluttering and coughing and in an effort to save her further embarrassment I looked at her with my most disapproving stare and harrumphed in a Daily Telegraph stylee, "for God's sake Madam. It won't bite!"

    Problem is, I can't help thinking I could have done better on the witticism front. Anyone else been in a similar situation were the brain couldn't spark quickly enough to provide an Oscar Wilde response?
  2. Fair play -- I think you played a blinder to even throw that one back at her having just woken up. Convoy cock can strike at the most inopportune moments. As Billy Connolly's Dad said to him "Son, when you get to my age, never waste a hard-on" Wise words.
  3. At the other end of the scale somebody once coughed and in the most discrete way he could pointed out to Winston Churchill that his trouser buttons were still undone.

    "Dead birds do not fall out of nests" he growled. 8O
  4. "Do you spit or swallow darling" ?
  5. Yes love, the cage is open but the beast is asleep.
  6. " What are you staring at?"

    " Dunno, but it's staring right back".
  7. "Blink and you'll miss it"
  8. I take it she had really good eye sight then?
  9. Calm down dear, it's only a lob-on!

    Relax old-timer, I was dreaming about the trolley-dolly!
  10. Throw your arms up, shriek "DVT, DVT, I'm a DEAD man", slump back in your seat and feign delirium.