Ever Soiled Yourself As An Adult?

almost eased springs tonight when the phone rang at 3am turned out to be a recorded message telling me we're about to get washed away but when you have aging parents the phone ringing at that time is a real O ring tester
 
@mechanicalhorsetrough - I concur with my learned brother @jumpinjarhead , best story so far.

Cannot recall any problems as an adult. I did have a couple of close calls after attending receptions on Canadian destroyers visiting Boston. The francophone mess stewards on RCN ships are actually aspiring anesthesiologists who want to put all aboard under and unconscious.

Only real incident was as a mid teen, not quite an adult yet. Walking back from the beach to my house I heard a noise behind me and a truck from the county mosquito control agency was approaching with the DDT fog on full blast. Did the moron driving it shut down passing a pedestrian?? The hell he did and I got heavily fogged, fell down simultaneously choking, gagging, vomiting and shitting. My bathing suit and legs must have been a sight as I hurried past neighbors houses. Happily in those days we has a shower stall just off the back porch so I was able to undo the worst of the damage, throw my suit into washing machine and racing upstairs naked. Startled my aunt but she could take it. She did change my diapers when I was a baby.
If the mosquito control people did that today to someone they would have been sued.
The radio today announced spraying in my town due to an outbreak of EEE in my part of Massachusetts which brought this to mind.
 
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This was not me, but a tale related to me by a colleague who was a crewman on a frigate, which was on duty in the Caribbean, and southern American states.
After 2 months patrolling the Caribbean islands the ship was invited to Miami for a run ashore, relations with our American cousins ensured that most of the crew were invited ashore by families and could, where invited, stay with a family for the 3 day weekend.
Our hero gets invited to a family who are clearly very wealthy and have a mansion of some 8 bedrooms based on a very nice housing estate on the edge of Miami itself. The hospitality was good, and included a barbeque and numerous beers for the first night. At about 02:30 he woke up in his bedroom with an urgent need for a crap. All the hospitality earlier had ensured that he was disorientated when he woke up and did not remember the location of the bathroom. He didn't want to crap in the washstand which was fitted in the room so he devised a plan. He had a pair of sea socks in his bag, the long wooly types which our naval cousins are issued. He decided one of these would make a good receptacle for his turd. He duly squatted down and parting the top of the sock curled one down inside the sock, having brought immense relief to his lower guts he attempted to wipe up and washed his hands. This left him the problem of what to do with the sock itself. He could hardly leave it in the bin, as it was pretty smelly, and Miami being pretty tropical the contents would soon begin to smell a lot worse than it currently did, and attract the local flies.
An idea hit him, he noted that his bedroom overlooked the vast garden, so believing that he could get a good throw in the garden he could send the sock into spaces where it would not be found for some time. He duly tied a knot in the top of the sock, and started to swing it over his head to gain the necessary momentum to propel the sock to far corners of the garden, he gave it 5 or 6 rotations before successfully launching the sock and its smelly contents into the far corners of the garden.
He subsequently washed up at the sink and cleaned the stench, returning to bed to sleep off the evening's meal and alcohol.
When he woke up with the noise of his host family moving around he opened his eyes, it was now full daylight with the sun pouring in through the windows, imagine his horror upon seeing the brown ring which now decorated the painted walls, the ring formed when swinging the sock over his head to give it momentum!
 
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This was not me, but a tale related to me by a colleague who was a crewman on a frigate, which was on duty in the Caribbean, and southern American states.
After 2 months patrolling the Caribbean islands the ship was invited to Miami for a run ashore, relations with our American cousins ensured that most of the crew were invited ashore by families and could, where invited, stay with a family for the 3 day weekend.
Our hero gets invited to a family who are clearly very wealthy and have a mansion of some 8 bedrooms based on a very nice housing estate on the edge of Miami itself. The hospitality was good, and included a barbeque and numerous beers for the first night. At about 02:30 he woke up in his bedroom with an urgent need for a crap. All the hospitality earlier had ensured that he was disorientated when he woke up and did not remember the location of the bathroom. He didn't want to crap in the washstand which was fitted in the room so he devised a plan. He had a pair of sea socks in his bag, the long wooly types which our naval cousins are issued. He decided one of these would make a good receptacle for his turd. He duly squatted down and parting the top of the sock curled one down inside the sock, having brought immense relief to his lower guts he attempted to wipe up and washed his hands. This left him the problem of what to do with the sock itself. He could hardly leave it in the bin, as it was pretty smelly, and Miami being pretty tropical the contents would soon begin to smell a lot worse than it currently did, and attract the local flies.
An idea hit him, he noted that his bedroom overlooked the vast garden, so believing that he could get a good throw in the garden he could send the sock into spaces where it would not be found for some time. He duly tied a knot in the top of the sock, and started to swing it over his head to gain the necessary momentum to propel the sock to far corners of the garden, he gave it 5 or 6 rotations before successfully launching the sock and its smelly contents into the far corners of the garden.
He subsequently washed up at the sink and cleaned the stench, returning to bed to sleep off the evening's meal and alcohol.
When he woke up with the noise of his host family moving around he opened his eyes, it was now full daylight with the sun pouring in through the windows, imagine his horror upon seeing the brown ring which now decorated the painted walls, the ring formed when swinging the sock over his head to give it momentum!
The ''Ring of mire?''. ;)
 
I went to bed with a bit of a grumbling bowel years ago and woke up the next morning feeling like I needed a massive fart, so I pushed it with the usual gusto for maximum noise and instantly regretted it as I filled my boxers and bed with liquid shit.
 
Waiting in the queue at Sainsbury's on Saturday, bloke 2 in front arguing about a 300 point coupon not going through. very gassy and had pains in stomach, just got home in time to dump my load, but it was close, 5 minutes more and would have been the field near home & hoping to aim properly or doing it in my strides!
 

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Many of you are aware that The Leader of the Opposition (aka Mrs Smeg) was being treated recently for breast cancer. Happily, she didn't need Chemo for it, just drug therapy. The trouble was, when she guffed it would stun a shithouse rat! Coming home from a hospital appointment, my olfactory organs were assailed by what appeared to be a mixture of rotten cabbage and a thousand bad eggs! I asked her if she'd farted and she said no, much worse.

As we continued, with all windows open, we joined a queue of traffic passing an accident. A police officer was talking to each driver and I was getting a horrified look from Mrs Smeg. When the copper stuck his head through the open window, his eyes glazed over and he came over sort of green. I apologized and said it's my wife's cancer treatment. Plod, being the wit they usually are, immediately said,
" that's a new treatment on me, take her out for a drive and fart all the way there and back!"

Plod legged it while we sat in shitty horror all the way home. It took some industrial strength air freshener to get rid of that particular odour.
 
Many of you are aware that The Leader of the Opposition (aka Mrs Smeg) was being treated recently for breast cancer. Happily, she didn't need Chemo for it, just drug therapy. The trouble was, when she guffed it would stun a shithouse rat! Coming home from a hospital appointment, my olfactory organs were assailed by what appeared to be a mixture of rotten cabbage and a thousand bad eggs! I asked her if she'd farted and she said no, much worse.

As we continued, with all windows open, we joined a queue of traffic passing an accident. A police officer was talking to each driver and I was getting a horrified look from Mrs Smeg. When the copper stuck his head through the open window, his eyes glazed over and he came over sort of green. I apologized and said it's my wife's cancer treatment. Plod, being the wit they usually are, immediately said,
" that's a new treatment on me, take her out for a drive and fart all the way there and back!"

Plod legged it while we sat in shitty horror all the way home. It took some industrial strength air freshener to get rid of that particular odour.
Best bought in bulk. I feel.

 

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