Ever Soiled Yourself As An Adult?

SO2_UKSC(G)

Swinger
This evening, as usual, what with me being a life-long singley and it being Friday night, I walked straight out of my office and into the corner shop just down the road, where I purchased a six-pack in anticipation of a wild night of Youtube, pornography and despair. As I was walking up further up the road, toward the local underground stop, I un-clenched myself to let out a day-old fart. However, instead of the expected "potent gust", I actually shit myself. Not a full-on log but enough to make the back of my kecks warm and wet. As you can imagine, that made the rest of my walk somewhat interesting and things became even more engaging (for me and everyone around me) when I boarded the train for the journey home.

It occurred to me, an hour later as I was un-clagging my arse and dolefully regarding the stain on my gusset, that the last time such a thing had happened, was in about 1981, I was probably wearing dungarees and my Mum probably had enough on her mind with her 5 minute call to my Dad in Belfast to worry about my stinky botty. Once I was a squaddie myself, however, I met no end of people who took pride in their mishaps. Indeed, one comrade was so famous for his propensity to ND when drunk that he had earned the nickname "Lag" Adams and went out on the lash wearing a nappy made from a black bin bag and masking tape.

I'm 41, I usually eat two meals a day and am usually irregular. Should I be worried?

TIA.
 

gorillaguts981

Old-Salt
This was socially acceptable in Belize as long as brown legs were avoided. I have been to social functions where a concerned look may pass across the face, drink placed on bar and an 'excuse me for about 20 minutes' as you retire to rake out the monkey cage, shower and change. Back to bar, retrieve drink and resume social contact. Damn you Bellikin.
 
The correct technical term for what you experienced is a 'Shart' where a fart becomes a shit!
Lumpy farts is what we, ............errrrrm, some people might call them.

I remember someone doing a lumpy fart on morning PT run once, ran down his leg. You've never seen the pack move so quickly to get past someone.
 
This thread reminds me of some extremely sage advice given by an Arrser in a thread on important lessons life has taught you. He wrote "Never trust a fart."
 
I had campylobacter once. Cost me two pairs of perfectly good y fronts.

E coli was good too.

For reasons i needn't go in to i was walking from Nottingham to Loughborough one night after the pubs shut, and stopped to shit in hedges, laybys and fields 17 times, plus 2 or 3 kakky pants episodes.

I was really quite poorly, as well as pooy, as it turned out, not thinking straight. Plus i was drunk.
 
Long story shortened.
Night minefield crossing exercises(tanks) and I was Recce Troop my job was organising/running the start point. Part way into the exercise I started to feel the need for a shit, which would be the first after 3 or 4 days on compo rations. Lots of radio traffic etc as the Sqn started to move so I was very busy and the need to shit was getting more urgent. The first troop moves through the start point and the work load eases a lot and by this time I was desperate, grabs a shovel and starts to make my way towards some bushes, made the mistake of crossing the track the vehicles were using, it had been a wet couple of days and the ground was well chewed up, I tripped and stumbled in the deep ruts, lost control of the desperate buttock clenching and shat myself. Only thing to do, undo and drop the overalls, penknife out and slit the soiled skiddies down each side, clean up and back to work.
 
Thanks to nerve damage and IBS my initial indicators of impending movements south of the border are the equivilant of Defcon 3 for the average person, I have become a dab hand at the porcelain bowl recce, knowing where the nearest one is at any given moment. unfortunately for the past two years consistency has almost caught me out on more then one occasion with the SOP for farts being to unload while pointing the barrel into the sandpit so to speak
 
Long story shortened.
Night minefield crossing exercises(tanks) and I was Recce Troop my job was organising/running the start point. Part way into the exercise I started to feel the need for a shit, which would be the first after 3 or 4 days on compo rations. Lots of radio traffic etc as the Sqn started to move so I was very busy and the need to shit was getting more urgent. The first troop moves through the start point and the work load eases a lot and by this time I was desperate, grabs a shovel and starts to make my way towards some bushes, made the mistake of crossing the track the vehicles were using, it had been a wet couple of days and the ground was well chewed up, I tripped and stumbled in the deep ruts, lost control of the desperate buttock clenching and shat myself. Only thing to do, undo and drop the overalls, penknife out and slit the soiled skiddies down each side, clean up and back to work.
Tank leaves skid marks (in discarded skiddies). Should make an interesting find for Time Team (If you drank Guinness it could be aged iron) or the local plod.
 
Long story shortened.
Night minefield crossing exercises(tanks) and I was Recce Troop my job was organising/running the start point. Part way into the exercise I started to feel the need for a shit, which would be the first after 3 or 4 days on compo rations. Lots of radio traffic etc as the Sqn started to move so I was very busy and the need to shit was getting more urgent. The first troop moves through the start point and the work load eases a lot and by this time I was desperate, grabs a shovel and starts to make my way towards some bushes, made the mistake of crossing the track the vehicles were using, it had been a wet couple of days and the ground was well chewed up, I tripped and stumbled in the deep ruts, lost control of the desperate buttock clenching and shat myself. Only thing to do, undo and drop the overalls, penknife out and slit the soiled skiddies down each side, clean up and back to work.

Mention in despatches at least i hope. RAF would give you a promotion and a month off.
 

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