Ever been the adult target of a nonce?

Hi everyone, this is my 1st 'real' post and hope its not too boring, it concerns miss-reading a situation that lead to me, I think, screaming out in fear. Some years ago (late 90s) I experiened a series of related events that at the time I thought I was in real personal danger from some kind of serious nutter.

I had some casual cash in hand work looking after a sportsfield full of equipment within a private school in a surprisingly quiet area not far from croydon, the work involved sitting (sleeping) in my car supposedly preventing the theft of generators and the like. Not having a mobile phone at that time and wanting to make a call to my then GF, I decided to climb over the fence and see if I could find a phone box fairly close to the grounds, the only way to get out in my car would have risked waking the caretaker who lived on site by the gate. The time was around 01.00 and the local roads were similar to country lanes, woods either side with trees meeting above and an absense of street lamps but it was summer and altough quiet I wasn't too bothered to be walking around on my ownsome.

After a long walk in which I saw very few houses or passing cars I eventually found a phone that was set a little way back from the kerb. I was making my call when a big old volvo slowed down to a crawl as it passed me, prompting me to turn round to look, it stopped briefly and although I could see the driver was alone it was too dark to see the face in detail but could make out he was looking at me. So I'm staring at the driver in that 'WTF do you want' fashion but was'nt unduly bothered, thinking it might be a cab, a phone user or maybe someone wanting directions etc. It drove on and whilst I'm there it makes 2 more passes going through the same actions which was starting to piss me off due to the weirdness of it.

Call over and its time to head back and I had the idea that i had been walking a circuit and it would be quicker to go forward rather than back. 10 mins down the road I can see the shape of a car at the side of the road and to be honest it makes me a bit edgy, as said no street lights, houses etc, coupled with the odd events at the box. At 1st I could'nt tell the make of the car and I was'nt going to let my increasing nerves get the better of me and turn around. Oh how I wish I had, a few mins later!

As I got closer it is shaping up like a volvo and facing towards me, ok its probably not the same car and I will see a house soon and will be kicking myself for being a wimp. Closer still, no house, the car is empty, the engine is making that clicking noise as its cooling and I'm notched up to a state of worried alertness. Let me go over the setting again, no pavements or lights, woods either side, a weirdo's been driving slowly past me 3 times and has now turned around again and is either hiding in the car or in the surrounding woods. I'm going over all these things and still trying to rationalise it all.

My senses are on overdrive, looking, listening, fists clenched, hair on neck standing up, I'm absolutely primed for violence. I know this cnut is after me and I don't know why but I'm still telling myself off for being a girl. Giving the car a wide berth as I pass I'm staring at it like it's a grenade about to go off. 10 metres on, nothing, 20, nothing, calming down slowly but I know that HE is there somewhere and my mind is telling me that if I went gimp gathering one dark night I would go equiped, no mistake, axe, bat, blade whatever. HE is there and HE is packing and HE is watching me.

Movement it the woods to my right, is that legs that I can see in those bushes or tree trunks? Feck me they just moved, feck me they are walking out of the woods towards me. I now accept and are resigned to the fact that I'm in trouble here but I'm still playing it cool, keep walking and try to have an air of confidence. HE emerges and is staring at me, late twenties, short hair, medium build, I reckon I could take him on face value but I know HE is carrying and wants to do bad things to me. Its strange as we pass each other staring, no words from either, he goes towards the car, we are moving in different directions and this is getting better, he went for a piss I tell myself, I look away from him and to my front. I cant take it anymore I have to look round to see where he is. He is now behind me on my side of the road following me about 20 feet away I spin round and errupt with an involuntary tirade of oaths and threats about what he is going to get if he does'nt feck off, something like

It worked, he kind of stumbled and started to run towards the car whislt shouting abuse back at me.

Thats it I'm off, I start running in the other direction, I've had enough my nerve has broke, I'm not gonna be around when he turns the car and decides to plough me down. I can see a curve in the road, if I can get out of sight then I'm hitting the woods and good luck in trying to catch me, I'm flying.

Its not over yet and my shame is not complete, as I get round the bend I almost collide with another guy just standing in the road, thats when I think I screamed in blind panic, I tear past nutter mkll, he aint catching me either there is light ahead and as I run can see cars parked and more people emerging from the woods, they are all men, maybe 5 or six, I'm in a layby by a T junction, all seen at speed and slowly it starts to make sense. I've just run screaming and shouting threats through a fruits venue for knobing, a bathhouse of suburbia if you will, being observed by those curious or worried enough to show themselves.

I've never wanted to kick the feck out of anyone so much in my life as that twat of a volvo driving cnut. I stormed up the road ranting about queers and not being able to make a call without some cnut wanting to suck me off and the general injustise of it all.

As a rule I don't have an intolerance of bandits beyond not wanting to try it but fecking hell why don't they go to clubs that cater for that jiggery-pokery. All the above is absolutely true even if it does read a bit like the 'Something about Mary' gay haunt scene and no, I have never been back. However I did relate the story to someone who knew the area and he told me it is well known what 'goes down' there.
Jarrod do you have something to admit?

Just out of curosity

**** off you attention whore!

Having been a lurker for some years I was expecting a hard time for posting in the NAAFI from some members, so fire away, not really inclined to outrage but did'nt want to appear a sulker either.


ok....''pop quiz'',

who can tell me what the word NONCE (as used in the title) actually means / stands for?

(this could be VERY interesting!) ha ha
I was just shaking the drips off it officer......
Wow.... I thought I was reading an article from the 'Sunday Sport'.......... now, if youse has about an hour spare..... when I were a lad, once upon a time.... way back when Young Uncle V was innocent of all these naughty goings ons.... blah... blah... blah....blah, blah, blah....... !

Matron says it's time for me Meds before I heads out down to the Pub again.... I must stop imbibing in cans of double strength Special Brew....
Similar thing happened to me on the piss in London. I was based in Woolwich at the time and was on the piss in some suburb thereof.
Took a shortcut across Woolwich Common on my way back to Napier Lines. Always stuck to the path and walked around from then on!


One of the reasons I left the job I had in Iran the year before last was that the Chinese HSE engineer (whatever that is) kept trying to get into my room at all hours of the night he was forever wanting to share my car going to the office. After cease works hewould try to get into my room to watch me shower. Wherever I went hewould turn up. At mealtimes he would sit silently watching me. He got very petulant when I shagged the head of accounts who was a lovely Chinese accountant. It was when he suggested we go shopping in Dubai together, saying that I couldn't avoid him for ever that I decided to fo


Is it Not On Normal Courtyard Exercise?

near enough, MC Not on Normal CELLULAR Exercise.
It used to be stamped on the little name cards outside each cell, abbreviated to N.O.N.C.E. in big red letters.
(and in old Victorian Jails, the NONCES were always housed on the very TOP floor, to stop 'proper criminals' dropping Acme Piano's on their heads, and other pleasent 'parcels'!)
NONCE, by the way, does not automatically = Baby Buggerer, or paedo.
The N.O.N.C.E. ruling was used for 'vulnerable prisoners', who are segregated for their 'own protection', from the inmate general populus.
(ie. ex-coppers, judges, bent screws..... ME etc)

(although i am sure one of our learned colleagues, may enlighten us further)


One of the reasons I left the job I had in Iran the year before last was that the Chinese HSE engineer would try to get into my room to watch me shower.

eodmatt - are you SURE the little slitty eyed HSE man, that liked to watch you in the shower, was from China?

sounds more like ''PEEK-ING''! ahh ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Da-Dumk! <----fell off chair laughing at own sense of (1/2) wit!!!


War Hero
Never mind eodmatt hes still shaking about the blue wire or the other one to cut. maybe there are no wires it gets you after awhile.
with regards EOD
I didn't read the OP.Anyone care to precis it for me.Or should we forget about it?

Perhaps he should have just posted a link to some other website, without a short brief or condensed statement giving a general view of the subject.
God forbid, no one else does it, do they?

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