entitled to refund?

An anxious weekend passed by with the worry / wonder of whether or not the planet was going to be graced with the arrival of another Mini me.

Shocked and stunned were we both when her regular as clockwork menstrual cycle failed to turn up, you can usually programme your video to its punctuality. Friday rapidly turned into Monday and still no need for jam rags.

Monday night, wonderment and a need to be put out of our misery found me in Sainsburys looking for something for her to p1ss into..... I put down the ice cream cornets and made my way to the pharmacy

Clear blue was the weapon of choice and they were on offer 'two for one'

After a small amount of nervous banter with the girl on the checkout I made my way to the good ladies work place and handed her my 'in need of diluting gift'

With an uncertain and slightly ill at ease grin she vanished into the lavs. I went to the gents next door and looked at my old boy and gave him a dressing down for being careless. I could hear her next door p1ssing like a race horse, a faint lady 'toot' popped out and it brought a smirk to my chops.

I was subconsciously thinking to my self 'No matter what the result mate, grab her and give her a hug' but be careful in case she's p1ssed on her hand

She came out of the loo, and we made our way into the kitchen to put the kettle on and await the word from the square window.

She already knew the result when she looked at me with a look of horror in her eyes..... for a good five seconds I was convinced I has another mini me swilling round inside her.

Laughter and relief took over but not before she flicked the remaining moisture from the end catching me right on the lip, I did the duty good egg thing and gave her a big kiss.

There was still a slight shadow of doubt though, this was late o clock and you’re supposed to use your first sugar puff p1ss on it. With this in mind we hid the second test away and got on with the week.

This afternoon whilst tucking into 'greggs finest pastries' she vanished to to the loo, when she came back she whispered in my ear that she'd got redcurrant jelly oozing from her socket.

I'd kind of got used to the idea of the situation and although relieved I couldn't help but feel a slight amount of disappointment.

My dilemma now is that we have a surplus test, but the packaging is still intact. Apart from a faint smell of wee and a 'not pregnant' sign in the window you'd never know.... I can think of better things to spend £13.95 on

Am I justified in returning the product, or should I get a preggers lady to p1ss on it and scare my Mum and dad senseless?

What she doesn't know is that I bought a pair of edible shreddies from the tacky Anne Summers shop this afternoon and once she's parked her Menstrual cycle I'm gonna plate her for a week through them, then make sweet love to her botty

 

Yes my friend. BDA might be an idea, as it will save on the testing regime. Just remember there is no biological difference between a womans bottom and a mans, and mouth too now you come to mention it........

 

LMFAO

Why wait until shes parked her cycle, get down there, pull the mouse out with your teeth and plate her like theres no tomorrow.

She will either love you forever or throw up when you try to kiss her afterwards.

Keep the tester, your bound to need it at some point in the future.

 

What's the worst that could happen?? Just don't turn up at your folk's for Sunday lunch looking like Ronald McDonald!!

 

I think you are right, I don't usually ride the tide, but this time I think I'll make an exception.

Still no closer to discovering whether or not I'm entitled to a refund though

 

MDN,

Perhaps had you have done that in the first place then you could have saved yourself 13.95 and a trip to Sainsburys.

Sparky

 

The whole pregnancy thing seems to be a pre-rip off stage to the costly child.

The mrs decided that she needed, what I can only describe as 'P1ss sticks'. These determined the most fertile day

Cost? £20 for five. She would have needed seven a month. Why pack them in fives, if she needs seven?

Luckily for me, she fell pregnant on the first month

Then there's the whole test/new clothes/ring piece cusion sh1te that she needs/will need.

And what if it's a spasmoid? I had a dream about that, but it's a whole different thread

 

I shall put that to her for future thought. I'll return with the answer.

Although to be fair I think the day in question there was enough DNA flying round the place that if she'd tripped on a towel in the bathroom a tadpole would have still dived in.

 

I might have a use for that if you can spare it mate.

The inner workings of a woman's body astound and frighten me almost as much as the whirring, clanking and clunking that occurs inside their head. I know it involves Fallujian tubes, servos and utopians, some naked chick with an apple and three blind men describing an elephant, or somesuch. Contraception, I recently discovered, is not where the pretty Nicaraguan secretary sits as she takes calls and enquiries on behalf of the anti-Sandinista revolutionary movement, it's to do with ovulation and hormones and something called Spermicide, which apparently isn't a porno version of Murder She Wrote starring Angela Shlongsbury.

Anyway, all women are different (or so I'm told - watch them watching Sex in The City and tell me they ain't all cackling psychopaths), and they all have different approaches to contraception. My present squeeze uses something called a IUD. This sinister sounding device caused little RT a great deal of consternation and he refused to go in their for weeks until I issued him with enhanced CBA and had a Tp of Chally 2 providing a foot on the ground. IUD stands for "Green Flag over A Range for every day of the month." Using ancient Mayan shamen magic, they stop periods, but not ovulation. She told me why, but Top Gear was on and I'm a mission command kind of guy - I don't care how it happens, it's the end-state I'm interested in. I don't bore her with the various methods of making sperm taste nice, do I?

As my dear old dad told me - never trust something that bleeds for a week and doesn't die. But believe me, it's harder to trust something that never bleeds. True, the thing (it's a bit like that robot thing in The Matrix that they implant into Keanu Reeve's navel) has legs that provide a nice scratching sensation on the head of mini RT, but how would I know if it all goes pear shaped and my frankly unholy (yet completely non-ginger) offspring started mitating in her belly? It takes time to organise diplomatic passage to cuba on a fake passport, and I still ban't decide whether I want to be called Miguel or Ramon.

So my plan is this, I get her drunk, dip her hand in a glass of water as she sleeps, she lags on the p1ss stick et voila - peace of mind or a valuable head start. Foolproof.

 

Sack, Cuba, get yoruself to Fantasy island...



Go on stumpy, change yer avatar to 'De plane De plane'

 

Really funny stories MDN and RTFQ.

keep it MDN, it sounds like you were warming to the idea of another one. Cant think why they would sell two for the price of one in any event as "Clear Blue" is suppose to be the market leader and results guaranteed !

 

It's because they saw MDN coming a mile off, and this is the sixth time this year that he's been in claiming he's got his mum pregnant. Don't be fooled, no-one's ever seen MDN and his 'wife' in the same room together, and despite her great dress sense, her adams apple and boyish hands are deeply similar to MDN's.

 

Found a picture of MDN and his missus mate

 

Do those boyish hands have pudgy fingers?

 

I was kind of warming to the idea....... I was just petrified at the thought of breaking the news to Mrs MDN