Entertaining ways of dealing with pikeys?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by vampireuk, Aug 1, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. With television being saturated with absolute crap, reality shows and god awful talk shows hosted by those of a different sexual persuasion, who are going to hell no matter which religion they may belong to. (Oh eck!) I've been thinking wouldn't it be brilliant to have a show inspired by the Top Gear caravan trashing scenes. If we can put together a one hour show of pikey caravans getting trashed, crushed and burnt out (preferably with the buggers locked inside) as a pilot we could get this commissioned as a pay per view event. A portion of the proceeds would go towards funding ARRSE so we can make fun of Jarrod again.

    Now gentlemen. Ideas for disposing of the cretins in a humorous and entertaining way, please keep swearing to a minimum as I'm aiming for before the watershed.
  2. Flamethrowers, need I say more :WINK:
  3. Big Brother - The Pikey Cut

    A series which follows a group of nomadic smackheads on their quest to infest middle Britain, aided with copious amounts of alcohol and drugs. The twist, however, is that all the caravans used in this program are rigged with many different sharp and corrosive boobytraps, with one 'special' caravan rigged with a small explosive charge.

    Last pikey alive at the end of the series is then shot.
  4. Bugger beaten by rangestew........barsteward
  5. Before I give my ideas on this, there isn't a Padre that's a pikey is there? Wouldn't want to get in the sh1t.

    Anyway, you could always wait till they are ( inevitably ) breaking into your house and shoot the cnuts. In the face.
  6. Or the back. :)
  7. We might have a problem if they are gay pikeys.
  8. They are scum. Had a run in at the shot once. They were lucky to live and regret it.
  9. Manual mine clearance. I could do with some disposables. Could make a game of it and call it Hop, Skip, Bang. The survivors can play beat the kalashnikov. Any who make it through intact would be automatically entitled to one attempt at the famous SF sky dive and cloud grab from a chopper - sans chute.
  10. Pikey is very very un-PC, and the term should no longer be used, they are now known as,

    Caravan Utilising Nomadic Travellers, or C.U.N.Ts for short.
  11. Mustard gas, simple, fairly clean, worked for Saddam :wink:
  12. No problems. Michael Barrymore said they can use his pool.
  13. Force feed them with baked hedgehog (a la fois de gras) in a darkened enclosure (a la veal calves) and then transport them in cattle wagons to SPTA for use in PDT and UOR testing. Reduction in benefits bill, improvement in crime stats, and and assorted op benefits.