English Officer

An English Officer decided to write a book about famous churches around the

So he bought a train ticket and took a trip to Plymouth, thinking that he
would start by working his way across England from South to North. On his
first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden
telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "£10,000 per call".

The English Officer, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what
the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to
heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God. The English Officer thanked
the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Worcester. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the
same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was
the same kind of telephone he saw in Plymouth and he asked a nearby nun what
its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that
for £10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the Englishman.

He then travelled to Salisbury, Leeds, Carlisle and Newcastle. In every
church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "£10,000 per call"
sign under it.

The English Officer, upon leaving Newcastle decided to travel to Scotland to see if the Scots had the same telephone. He arrived in Edinburgh, and again, in the
first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time
the sign under it read "40p per call."

The English Officer was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father,
I've travelled all over England and I've seen this same golden telephone in
many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in England
the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Scotland now, son - it's a local
schweik said:
And you got it wrong. He didn't go to Scotland, he went to Wales.
You are right, my welsh mate sent me it and I changed it to suit a military theme. As a Celtic brother, you can appreciate the pun as you too live in God's country.

It is just a jibe at the English - 18 - 12 Hahahahahahaha :lol:
Warrior_Poet said:
Yeah, well at least we smell of roses and not p*ss and cabbage you Celtic Untermensch.
Roses was the last thing you smelt like after the final whistle at Murrayfield on Saturday, dung would be more appropriate. :p
Yeah well, the air at Murrayfield does that to a man, must be the stench of Buckfast and HIV infected urine that does it.
It wasn't the air that stifled your performance it was the realisation that you cocky tw@ts didn't have a plan B!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Plan B was to shag your women (At least we think they were women, hard to tell what with all that Body hair and kilts etc), we couldn't rugby you out, so we decided to breed you out!
Enjoy your fleeting moment in the sun. I can assure you that normal service will be resumed before too long. Even as an Englishman, I like to see Third World teams win now and then. I suggest you go back to concentrating on your curling if you want any future sporting victories.

See you in the World Cup..... Not!!!
Like a typical English arrse, you are unbowed by your defeat and your ignorance allows you to soldier on in a world of fantasy. W@nker.
If we are unbowed it is because we have merely lost a minor skirmish, the certain knowledge that we will win the war means we can just shrug our shoulders and crack on. Ultimately, you will make the most of your victory precisely because it is so rare for you. We on the other hand will learn our lessons about complacency in the face of inferior opposition and give you a drubbing when next we meet. It is the certain knowledge of your own inferiority and the knowledge that your small victory is a one off which makes you hate the English.
It is a well known fact that there are only 3 personality types in Scotland:

a) Bitter

b) Twisted

c) Bitter and twisted.

As an Englishman I pity you.
NAP6W said:
Like a typical English arrse, you are unbowed by your defeat and your ignorance allows you to soldier on in a world of fantasy. W@nker.
As an Englishman I was gutted to lose to any team on Saturday. My initial feeling of sadness gave way to positivity that the 6 nations seems to be becoming a good even competition again. Who wants to watch a match where you know the outcome at kick-off (eg Sco vs Eng 2001-2005)?

Lets not get carried away though. When a Jock lifts the Webb Ellis Trophy, and Scotland beat England 9 games out of every 10, there will be cause to gloat, although I guess you wouldn't really like that, as you won't be able to play the 'plucky underdog' card..............

You daft fcukers obviously don't see a wind up when it hits you. Anyway, my Mum is from Goole and I had an England Colts trial when I played for the RAF. :oops:

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