English Officer

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by NAP6W, Feb 27, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. An English Officer decided to write a book about famous churches around the

    So he bought a train ticket and took a trip to Plymouth, thinking that he
    would start by working his way across England from South to North. On his
    first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden
    telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "£10,000 per call".

    The English Officer, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what
    the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to
    heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God. The English Officer thanked
    the priest and went along his way.

    Next stop was in Worcester. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the
    same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was
    the same kind of telephone he saw in Plymouth and he asked a nearby nun what
    its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that
    for £10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the Englishman.

    He then travelled to Salisbury, Leeds, Carlisle and Newcastle. In every
    church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "£10,000 per call"
    sign under it.

    The English Officer, upon leaving Newcastle decided to travel to Scotland to see if the Scots had the same telephone. He arrived in Edinburgh, and again, in the
    first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time
    the sign under it read "40p per call."

    The English Officer was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father,
    I've travelled all over England and I've seen this same golden telephone in
    many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in England
    the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
    The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Scotland now, son - it's a local
  2. Read your thread with growing interest in anticipation of the punchline. Wish I hadn't bothered.
  3. And you got it wrong. He didn't go to Scotland, he went to Wales.
  4. Must have been a wrong number to Beelzebub in that case..
  5. You are right, my welsh mate sent me it and I changed it to suit a military theme. As a Celtic brother, you can appreciate the pun as you too live in God's country.

    It is just a jibe at the English - 18 - 12 Hahahahahahaha :lol:
  6. That laughter - it's infectious. Hahahahahahahahaha
  7. Yeah, well at least we smell of roses and not p*ss and cabbage you Celtic Untermensch.
  8. Roses was the last thing you smelt like after the final whistle at Murrayfield on Saturday, dung would be more appropriate. :p
  9. Yeah well, the air at Murrayfield does that to a man, must be the stench of Buckfast and HIV infected urine that does it.
  10. It wasn't the air that stifled your performance it was the realisation that you cocky tw@ts didn't have a plan B!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  11. Plan B was to shag your women (At least we think they were women, hard to tell what with all that Body hair and kilts etc), we couldn't rugby you out, so we decided to breed you out!
  12. You lost
  13. We didn't lose, we merely had a deferred victory.
  14. You lost
  15. If you are as exciting in bed as you are on the rugby pitch then it will be deferred for a very long time!