Engels as she can to be spoken.

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#1
This is probably an internet joke, but hot off the press from my inbox, Cutaway@poes.co.za, comes the following which is claimed to be from a hospital in Mpumalanga:


1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 11kgs weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. The patient refused autopsy.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

As I said, it may or may not be true, but can you ouens think of any other examples ?
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#2
As no-one else has any examples it would seem about time to wheel this one out again.
 
#3
I hear so many of these when I'm out on shift, but can never remember them! I will make more of an effort to note them down next time, and then post on here.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#4
I hear so many of these when I'm out on shift, but can never remember them! I will make more of an effort to note them down next time, and then post on here.
T'enk you, Medem.
;-)
 
#6
Rectal exam revealed a normal sized thyroid? That must have brought a tear to the eye and a lump to the throat.
 

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