Ending it all.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Hector_Chavez_V, Dec 2, 2011.

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  1. (nope, not me, none of you are that lucky)

    Man Commits Suicide On Skype As Horrified Partner Watches Helpless

    Strange cunt eh? Definate 9/10. Gets you thinking though? If you really had to, how would you turn it in?

    A mate of mine had a barney with his missus whilst we were on a night out a few years ago, they mooched off early in a flurry of slapping and amidst her permanently windmilling handbag. They got home, she called the police, they advised him to stay elsewhere that night so he hung himself from a tree right across the road in the park for all the world to see, 5/10 for effort really.

    I remember having to go to a local pub with the Duty Wheels to pick up a piss artist who was rowing with the entire boozer and who had then barricaded himself in the heads. I tapped on the door and advised him to come out or the law would probably end up involved and it's double trouble if you get charged blah blah ect ect, out he came and headed out to the wagon but not before calling the collected assembly of, civvies, off duty squaddies and their families a 'load a cunts'. Got him back to the guardroom and let him sit in an open cell to get his head together before the duty boss could come over.
    Left the idiot in the cell until we heard the squeaking of trainers on polished floor then a dull thud, we poked our head round the unlocked inner gate and watched the fruitloop run the full length of the cell (it was for four SUS's!) before clattering his head into the blockwork. Bemused but concerned as he was effectively on my flick I enquired as to what he was doing, 'going to kill myself' he said before again, firing his nut into the wall. It was a bit half hearted and there was no real danger of damage so we all trooped into the cell to see him doing it again and again till he was shipped off to the docs. He was kicked out a year later for more piss head related tomfoolery with an axe and someones car. Overall a poor 2/10.

    So how would you do it? Better than that, which arrser would you like to see take a header and how? I'd take Red_Square, after jabbing his own neck with 500mls of Happy Shopper bleach,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:)))
  2. Half an ounce of charlie, two hookers and a dodgy ticker.
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  3. Are you John Entwistle?
  4. No sympathy for fuckwits that top themselves. If they want to do it, then why not jump into a volcano.....no mess to clear up....but no, they all decide to want to create as much mess as possible by jumping off buildings and making a splat, standing in front of trains or cars and making splats, blowing their brains out and making a splat, ODíng and making a mess by dribbling, shitting and pissing themselves.

    If I was going to do it, I would just jump into a volcano.
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  5. Don't worry, I'd be on hand to push you if you lost the nerve.
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  6. This looks like fun. Take some chavs to the afterlife as slaves.

    I don't take the internet seriously enough to want anyone on here dead. When I start 5 or 6 abusive threads because some meanie took my Mallet's Mallet away I'll defo go Michael Ryan in the nearest Farmfoods or Aldi.
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  7. M60 - Stockport section - The North West's very own Beachey Head! Some twat jumps off there about once a week. Did know of a girl (through work related shit) that set fire to herself once (lived). Most of the shits I work with do half hearted efforts - Overdosing, sliting wrists with a plate, couple fo the staff have seen hangings, but not me. Last few to go have been Heroin, or Alcohol mixed with Valium.
    Tower block jumping seems the best way to go, but not very exciting for the rest of the world.

    Nealry forgot - A guy a few years ago in Manchester tied a rope to a lamp post, then round his neck. got in the car and fucking floored it!

    story here -
    Suicide riddle over severed head | Manchester Evening News - menmedia.co.uk

    Turns out he did do Harry Karry in the end!
  8. Well, thats not very nice at all....blinkin rude in fact!
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  9. Suicide stats are proof that men are mentally weaker than women. I think the suicide rates for men are significantly higher than women in the same age groups, men do it with style and panache though, usually with some of their offspring in a fume filled car on the edge of Epping Forest whilst letting the kids Mother hear their frightened screams, a perfect 10/10..
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  10. Or that the snakey titted bastards drive us to it!
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  11. I'm surrounded by complete fannies, 2 of my mates failed with the old cutting/stabbing routine and failed. to be fair to one of them, he rammed a knife in his chest and was found by another mate, so that's at least manlier than slitting yourself in the bath. which is definitely a woman's way to go.
    then there was my neighbour who strangled his 10 year old son to death and then bottled out when it came to taking his own life.

    personally, if I was going to kill myself I'd try and make it look suspicious. roll off a cliff in a car my hands and feet tied together, hang myself in an impossible place to get to, something like that. bonus points for framing it on somebody.
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  12. So when did he join the Grenadier Guards?
  13. Used to work in a loonie bin once. One of the patients chewed his wrists open and spread the mess all over the walls. 10/10 for commitment and drama. Magnificent.

    It still wasn't as funny as the junior doctor getting an ear cut off when he insisted on the patients being treated with dignity and metal cutlery being brought back out for meals. It's what they call a learning curve.

    That was one nasty job, mind. Not because of the bloody mess every day but because of the ward where they looked after child abuse cases...it's where it stops being funny...
  14. Stats for male suicides are significantly higher than females as blokes being practicle beasts plan it better and subsequently have a better execution rate. Females being more emotional statisically go for the pills and alcohol or wrist slashing route.

    A old mate of mine whose now a plod, told me of bloke who threw a double six by gassing himself in his car, but to ensure he wouldn't bottle out super glued his hands to the steering wheel. My mate told me he looked funny as fcuk lying in the mortuary still holding the steering wheel.

    If life becomes too much for me I would opt for the death by police marks man. Steal a gat head down town and do a Michael Ryan and hope duty plod has his sniper scope correctly sighted. Knowing my luck I would only get winged and would have to go through a load of psychological mumbo jumpo and I'd end up in Broadmoor!
  15. "My concept of death for a long time was to come down that mountain road at 120 and just keep going straight right there, burst out through the barrier and hang out above all that . . . and there I'd be, sitting in the front seat, stark naked, with a case of whiskey next to me and a case of dynamite in the trunk . . . honking the horn, and the lights on, and just sit there in space for an instant, a human bomb, and fall down into that mess of steel mills. It'd be a tremendous goddam explosion. No pain. No one would get hurt. I'm pretty sure, unless they've changed the highway, that launching place is still there. As soon as I get home, I ought to take the drive just to check it out."
    —Quoted in St. Petersburg Times, February 22, 2005 Hunter S Thompson.