Emergency Assistance Required!

#1
:oops: I have just finished drinking a nice bottle of Stella and I er thought it would be interesting to put my man tube into the top of the bottle. I wasn't poking it honest 8O My 8====O is now wedged into the top of the bottle and I can't get it out. What do I do? I am also bollock naked!

Command Task is set. Best answer gets a date with Dale or my Stella Bottle

:D

You have 24 hours to complete this task

Edited to say: You can tell I am bored tonight :D

 
#3
Phone 999 and take loads of photos to stop the swelling
 
#4
Dip the bottom of the bottle into boiling water. Glass will heat up and expand, and your 'mate' should come loose. Failing that, lube with marge, butter or olive oil and rub well into the effected area. Post more piccy's too.
 
#6
SuperTooper: Hello, 999? Yeah its ST, yeah, its in a Stella bottle this time :)
 
#8
Clausewitz said:
How on earth did you get it in there in the first place? (Are you particularly small?)
I am hung like a hamster, a large one. See for yourself. Come on you lot, where's all the creative solutions. I've decide to have a party as you can see

:D

 
#9
Sit your knackers in ice and the old man should shrink. heat the bottle with boiling water and the air inside should expand firing your self free.

Alternatively keep it there: The added weight will make it stretch! and no novelty condom could be as thrilling or secure as what you are presently adorned with!
 
#10
Grab a bread knife, bite on a pencil, and set to work on Mr Johnson.
 
#11
8O Well, i guess some advice is DEFINITELY don't get a hard-on! I go with a joint idea, dunk the bottle in boiling water, and put ice round the base of your knob, that should sort it.
 
#13
army-hopeful said:
8O Well, i guess some advice is DEFINITELY don't get a hard-on! I go with a joint idea, dunk the bottle in boiling water, and put ice round the base of your knob, that should sort it.
I am really starting to think I'll keep it on there permanently as a unique fashion accessory. The only problem is that every time I pee, I get a hot jet all over my chest. Any budding plumbers out there who could jiggle with my inner tubes so I can pee out of my arrse, just like a Doris?
 
#15
Pillager said:
Its not possible to get your bellend stuck in a stella bottle I just tried!
maybe im a bit of a sceptic but if you look at the picture of the bottle in the original message and compare it to the other one there is no green glass neck piece.
MS paint, Photoshop?

missed the 1.5L comment, but what posseses you to do such a thing :?
 
#18
FFS. What on earth made you think that this could possibly be a good idea? :?

Lump hammer should sort you out a treat by the way. 8O
 
#19
Hacksaw your knob off, smash the bottle, retrieve said item of boyhood and then reattach using superglue and a rusty nail.

Sorted.
 

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