Embarrassing soiling……….

Discussion in 'RLC' started by GeneralMalaise, Apr 20, 2007.

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  1. A well known, ex Corps Adjutant had the unfortunate experience this week of ‘soiling’ himself whilst on a rather ‘large’ night out. He claims that he was infected with a virus that caused this embarrassing event but I say it was the 2 gin and tonics, two bottles of red wind and several bottles of beer!

    Said individual had to leave the evening early to return to his flat IOT refresh himself and change clothing; much to the amusement of the rest of the party crowd. He didn’t return to the night out and you can imagine the banter that ensued the following day.

    This situation then reminded me of another big night out in London with an AGC (RMP) ‘friend’ of mine during which he too could not hold the call of nature and promptly shat himself in the back of a black-cab; much to the disgust of the driver who threw us out before we’d got to our next RV. The unfortunate chap then had to clean himself up in a public toilet and dispose of his soiled undergarments in a nearby skip. However, after he had cleaned himself up he managed to continue the night - much to his credit

    Question is:

    Has this happened to any other fellow Arrsers? Are there any other interesting stories of those that may have embarrassed themselves on a night out by not being able to hold their toilet experiences until they actually got to the toilet?
  2. Unlike the Corps of officers I'm actually **** retentive.....
  3. I have a colleague who regularly runs to work in a very crowded city. Part of the route goes over a bridge which is also packed with commuters. One morning he was crossing the bridge with commuters all round him. Suddenly the brown light started flashing and he had to pull up to the side of the road and extract a few of Bungle's fingers whilst disgusted commuters watched on!!
  4. After a rather savage sesh in the Church I made my way back to Waterloo where I sat next to a tramp begging (they used to get away with it then) and a woman put a pound in his tin and said ''get yourself a cup of tea lads'', said tramp looked at me in disgust. I got up and promptly followed through, I had to walk to Burger King with my cheeks tightly clenched to prevent any more mishaps and had to flush my boxers down the toilet!
    I am proud of this tale!! Oh, and the tramp called me a dirty fcuker!
  5. ...er once in stratford-apon-avon I backblasted :tp: whilst throwing up in shop doorway, quickly ran down an alleyway, dropped my keeks & slapped my underpants ;P on the floor next to a bird giving her fella a BJ, :slow: abuse from him was warranted.... :rage:
  6. Hasn't everyone?

    I know I've personally managed the triple but that's another story.
  7. *looks on in awe*
  8. The Wife was obviously pleased.

    A thing to behold.
  9. There was a bloke in The Pegasus in Aldershot last year who was absolutely minging, he was wearing chinos and it was obvious from the smell that he'd shat himself, he then collapsed onto his arse and well, you can imagine what his chinos looked like, something akin to a brown map of the world. To this day he is know as Shitty Simon!
  10. I've just about got myself under control again, this thread is fcuckin' hilarious! I, too, had an incident a few years ago whilst on a stag night in Amsterdam. Me and my mate were pishing into a canal and trying to outdo the distance of each others streams - I needed to push just a little harder so that my pish was ahead of his but, unfortunately, a follow-through ensued. Luckily, it was a malteser which rolled harmlessly out of my boxers and down my trouser leg, exiting on the canal bank. Apart from having to hobble slightly to prevent any other escapage, I made it to a pub bog to dispose of my keks and enjoyed the rest of the evening.
  11. Your diarrheal disasters pale into insignificance when compared to those endured by the late, great Spike Milligan.

    He tells a tale of being afflicted with some bizzare, intestinal parasite that caused bowel movements that put him in personal breach of the nuclear test ban treaty. One such **** overblast occured in the high street as he was running to catch a train.

    Being ex-army, resourceful and considerably smarter than he looked, Spike immediately diverted into the nearest department store where he quickly grabbed the first pair of trousers that came to hand. Stressing the need for urgency, he persuaded one shop assistant to accept his payment while the other retreated to the back of the shop to wrap Spike's purchase.

    Within seconds, Spike is once again sprinting towards the railway station. Salvation, in the form of new trousers wrapped in a brown paper parcel, is carried under his arm, Johnny Wilkinson style.

    Just in time, he boards his train and heads straight to the toilet. There, he pauses for a moment to catch his breath before removing his soiled pants and trousers. Cursory inspection reveals that they are beyond redemption so they go out the window of the now speeding train.

    Now naked from the waist down, Spike rips open his parcel to reveal ..... a ladie's pink woolen cardigan. In his rush to get the increasingly malodorous Spike out of his shop, the assistant had given him the wrong parcel.

    IMHO this tale forms the basis of a excellent syndicate exercise for the Admiralty Interview Board, and whatever the Army do before letting you into Sandhurst.

    What would you do in these circumstances?
  12. I believe the correct term for such an occurance (as the former Corps Adjt has recently had) is sharting (with apologies to the Anchorman motion picture).

    GM does the individual work ahem north of the border? :roll:
  13. Indeed it is. The man most often quoted as the bastion of standards and integrity for all new subalterns to the Corps.
  14. Said with a straight face and not a hint of irony....
  15. New a guy once who was doing a BFT at 0630 having come in off the p1ss at 0600. We had just started the final 1.5 mile individual best effort when the dam holding back the sewage burst! With commendable presence of mind he took a slight detour behind a convenient hedge, squared himself away using his shreddies (which he left behind) and carried on with the BFT. Passed with a time of 9 minutes and 45 seconds as I recall. Those were the days: Berlin 1990!

    Me personally: in the back of a crowded four tonner travelling from Kic Camp, Zagreb to the APOD. Luckily we were crawling along in the morning rush hour, so I hopped over the tailgate, did the necessary behind a wall and ran to catch up with the four tonner. Could have had some explaining to do though if it had gone through the lights, as the whole operation was carried out without the knowledge of the driver!