Embarassing moment

#1
Tonight I've been routing through the loft sorting some of my old green kit out for an pal. I found all sorts from Soxmis cards, Batco Wallets, SOCs, Bivvybags, Helly Hansens, you name it it was there.

I dropped my bergan out of the loft hatch and turned round to come down, I spied an Iraqi Resi and a Russian peak cap.

I went into the bedroom, got bollocky and put on mask, hat and ammo boots and sneaked down stairs.

Not content that my outfit was complete I went to the fridge, got my self a semi chubby on and dipped it in a Ski yoghurt.....

The back room door was closed so I assumed the little one was nodding off and not the right time to storm the room.... I decided to go out into the garden and make the trout jump from the French Wndows.

I rattled the window and did the most perfect star jump imaginable shouting 'Chrisps, cake Donkey Monkey' in an 'Uncle Peter' accent.

As I came down from my star jump ready to break into a lunge, horror struck, My Other half was sat in the same room as her best pal and her husband (whose parents she buried three days ago)

My other half went bright red and those two burst out in shocked laughter.... I wanted to vanish up my own back box.

At that moment my nosey neighbour peered over the back fence to see what the comotion was.... he got an eyeful of yogurty c0ck and bulled boots as I legged it in the door and up the stairs.

I could say things got worse, but I'd be lying, it was a bit of a bonus when i sat down to pull of my boots and the dog licked the Rasberry yoghurt off my champ :D
 
#4
Biscuits_AB said:
My, how the wee small hours must just fly by.
They do... the dog learnt the Yoghurt trick off yer Mrs...... who in turn copied from yer mam :D
 
#7
Bad drills using yoghurt, should have dipped the wick in custard instead. Then you could have truthfully stated "I'm fcukin' discustard"


my coat please.
 

stet

War Hero
#9
MDN you my friend are a god
 
#12
Been subject to a gruelling evenign of questions like

1. Do you think thats acceptable behaviour from a business man

2. Do you knwo she buried her mum and dad three days ago

3. When are you going to grow up

4. Is it not time you got over the fact that you aren't in the army anymore

5. Do you think anyone other than yourself found that funny

My response in reflection I suppose was mildly childish so apologised later on by standing at the top of the stairs, parting my cheeks and yelling 'Lick it'

You'd think she'd be grateful that I'm approaching middle age with a sense of youth and playfulness, not like a grey heair times reading mondeo driver with a PVC briefcase... or like Woopert :D
 
#13
Mighty_doh_nut said:
5. Do you think anyone other than yourself found that funny
I think you've just found a whole stack here in a relatively short space of time :lol:

I also note, with interest, thet the new and improved MDN didn't last too long!!
 
#14
Mate, people take death far too seriously - if it really was so sh1t, people would stop doing it. You can help the girl get through her grieving process, when she starts blubbing at the funeral, pass her a pot of ski bio; it's bound to get a laugh.

And even if the missus leaves you, takes your offspring and half your estate (which in fairness is likely) she'll never find another bloke like you (and she knows it) plus the market is a glut of divorcees who want someone more interesting than their workaholic ex-husbands, and you'll make the old boots feel young at heart.
 
#15
Class, i was wondering what to do with my old kit, now i can strike one thing off my list!!!!

I was told when i started in civvie business that if i was unsure of the appropriateness of what i was saying/doing to ask myself "would my boss do this?" if the answer was no, don't do it.

I have changed this slightly to "Would fellow arrsers have a laugh at this?" if the answers yes, then i probably shoudln't be doing it!! (Though i do the "is this career limiting" check and if the answers no, then i tend to do it anyway!!)

OS
 
#17
I logged on ages ago but have only just managed to stop laughing! Need to go and re-apply makeup now!! :lol:

MDN you are in the wrong job! You should at least get paid for making people laugh. I now have a picture in my head of someone standing at the top of the stairs, quote "parting my cheeks and yelling 'Lick it' " :lol: :lol:
 
#18
Vegetius said:
And even if the missus leaves you, takes your offspring and half your estate
Only half? Fcuking hell, who is this divorce lawyer, God?

V!
Mate, when your estate is a sausage bag full of old GS shirts and LW trousers, a PS2, a load of books that your average bird would label "dull" due to a complete lack of 30-something New York executettes and their photographer boyfriends, a CD collection of songs that would NEVER make the tracklist of a NEWoman compilation CD and a whole load of used disposable cameras that I have no idea from where they originated and am too scared to get developed, I'd have to pay HER to take half.
 

cpunk

LE
Moderator
#19
RTFQ said:
Mate, when your estate is a sausage bag full of old GS shirts and LW trousers...
In this case, MDN's 'estate' is actually an old two-door Vauxhall Chevette 1.3. There's a mattress in the back in case he finds himself outside a special school at playtime, so I guess that's the half he would keep, for old times' sakes if nothing else.
 
#20
Well thank fcuk that someone here in the office knows the Hiemlich manoeuver, unfortunately the minor commotion caused by me nearly choking to death on my 'Doubledecker' as a consequence of barely suppressed laughter resulted in a small crowd gathering around my desk.

The prospect of rapidly approaching unconsciousness and possibly death meant that I didn't have the opportunity to ensure my screen didn't display any incriminating evidence, and so there instead of a fascinating feasibility study was Arrse in all it's glory for my workmates to see.

Suffice to say I will now have to redouble my efforts to appear to work whilst actually 'Arrsing around'.

Cheers MDN
 
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