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  1. I'm bored, so to liven my day up, I would like to hear some good jokes about elephants. Here's mine to start you off:

    A very beautiful, 19 year-old, blonde virgin goes to a party where, for the first time in her life, she drinks alcohol. The next morning, she wakes up in a strange bed with a vile, malletting hangover. As the room swirls around and her stomach does burpees, she hears a loud snore from next to her. She immediately sits up, allowing the duvet to fall from her pert, teenaged breasts, and looks around, only to see a colossal form in the bed next to her, obscured by the bedclothes. She pulls back the bedding, to find an elephant, which is now blinking against the sudden intrusion of daylight.

    The girl groans and says: 'Oh God! I must have been tight last night'

    To which the elephant replies: 'Only the first time'

    Boom boom.
  2. How do you know if you've got an elephant in your fridge?

    Footprints in the butter.

    Aaaah, the old ones are the best.
  3. Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"

    The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "F*ck me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"

    Patient replies "I've been f*cked by an elephant".

    The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".

    Patient replies "He fingered me first".
  4. 1.

    Question: How can you tell if elephants have been fu*king in
    your backyard?

    Answer: The grass is all smooshed and your Hefty trash bags
    are missing.



    Question: What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

    Answer: An elephant with diarrhea.


  5. My mate got a job circumcising Elephants
    Pay was shit but the Tips were enormous
  6. What has four legs, a trunk and a c**t half way up its back?

    Toady Bliar riding an elephant
  7. Q: What's grey and comes in pints?

    A: An Elephant!

    Q: Where does an elephant have it's sexual organs?

    A: In its feet - if it steps on you, you're f**ked.

    Q: Why does an elephant have 4 feet?

    A: It would look pretty stupid with just 6 inches.
  8. Why did the elephant have Big Ears?

    Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom........

    :roll: -Taxi!
  9. woopert

    woopert LE Moderator

    Q: How do you know when you've passed an Elephant?

    A: You can't shut the toilet seat.

    Q: What do you do if you see a heard of Elephants coming over a hill?

    A: Swim for it.
  10. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?
    Wipe it off and apologise.
  11. How do elephants hide in a jungle?

    Paint their balls red & climb a cherry tree

    What's the loudest sound in a jungle?

    A giraffe eating cherries
  12. Elephant looks at a camel and says "Why are your t*ts on your back?"

    Camel says "That's a strange question from a bloke with his dick on his face."

    I'll get me coat....
  13. An old one , but a good one

    > NUMBER 1
    > Tarzan was walking through the jungle one day and was
    > attacked by tiger. Caught by surprise poor Tarzan lost
    > an arm, an eye, and his private part. Tarzan quickly
    > rushed to the local witch doctor for help.
    > Tarzan explained what had happened, so the witch doctor
    > had Tarzan go out and retrieve 3 animals, an eagle, a
    > gorilla, and a baby elephant.
    > Once Tarzan returned with the animals, the witch doctor
    > replaced Tarzan's lost eye with one from the eagle. Then
    > he replaced his lost arm with one from the gorilla.
    > Finally he replaced Tarzan's private part with the trunk
    > of the baby of the baby elephant. He then told Tarzan
    > that he should be fine but to come back in a few days to
    > make sure everything was ok.
    > A few days later Tarzan came back to see the witch
    > doctor.
    > Witch Doctor: "So Tarzan, everything ok with the
    > transplants?"
    > Tarzan: "No, Tarzan have one problem!"
    > Witch Doctor: "It's not your eye is it?"
    > Tarzan: "No, Tarzan see better than he ever could with new eye"
    > Witch Doctor: "Is it your arm?"
    > Tarzan: "No, Tarzan can swing though trees better than ever could
    > before.
    > Problem with elephant trunk........
    > When Tarzan swing through trees, it keep grabbing leaves
    > and putting them in Tarzan's ass!"
  14. Q. How do you capture a rare Arctic elephant?

    A. 1. Cut a large hole in the ice
    2. Spread fresh peas around the edge of hole
    3. When elephant comes to take a Pea, kick him in the ice hole.