Electric fences, dont you just love em?

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by Tartan_Terrier, Apr 10, 2006.

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  1. Denmark is known for many things, blonde G-string wearing girls on bikes, Carlsberg beer, Mohammed cartoons, and a rather relaxed and free lifestyle.

    But what I didn't realise when I moved here was, that it also has the largest number of electric fences per head of population in the western world!

    I've 'found' them many times, usually around two in the morning (this seems to be the best time to find them).

    Shortly after I joined as a part time soldier over here, I was told the standard method of crossing such a fence (pushing the wire down with the butt of the rifle (G3) and then stepping over. Brilliant, thinks I, now I can safely cross the fences without toasting my nuts!

    T_T's first patrol, and oh, what's that? The LMG gunner is sick? T_T, you take over. No problem thinks I, so off we go.
    About an hour in, and we meet an electric fence. Ah! Thinks I, an opportunity to practice my fence crossing skills!
    Unfortunately, I'd forgotten that a fifty round belt conducts electricity quite well, and as I stepped gracefully over I managed to get a massive shock. I'm not sure what was the least tactical part of the situation, my shocked yelp, the suppressed giggles of the rest of the patrol, or the blue sparks.

    Lesson learned......beware the belt!

    One thing I forgot to mention, is that many of the fences are the so-called elephant fences, which seem to have enough power to knock down most species of big game. Personally I've never seen the vast herds of rampaging bull elephants which necessitated the installation of all these fences, so I suppose that must have been before I moved here.

    Another memorable occasion was whilst doing a night nav-ex in the South of Denmark. Nav-exes are a fantastic opportunity to find electric fences don't you know!

    Having been 'temporarily misplaced', I was now back on track. If I just crossed that flat piece of ground I could see on the map, I'd be home free. But no, after only 15-20 metres.....BZZZT! I shoot into the air trying not to scream too loudly, and probably failing miserably. So I pick myself up off the ground, and continue, thinking that I'm safe for a while now.

    But no, after only 15-20 metres, it's the same again. I've no idea what I was crossing but there was an electric fence every 15-20 metres for about 500 metres. The situation was hopeless, I knew that turning back would involve more pain, and the way forward was full of unknown dangers. I pressed on in a spirit of optimism, sure that each fence was the last. Towards the end, I was a whimpering wreck shuffling forward, vainly waving my rifle in front of me, in an attempt to find the fences before I got shocked.

    Obviously after this experience I developed an almost Pavlovian reaction to electric fences, I'd jump two feet into the air, do a somersault, and lie face down on the ground holding my nuts and groaning.

    I've since heard that electricians develop a tolerance to electricity, and can stand massive shocks, so I was wondering If I should buy a nine volt battery and practice shocking my testicles, so that I'll be better able to withstand those middle of the night meets with electric fences.
  2. Brilliant narration mate!!
  3. my electric fence story back in 97 belgium a long night tab it poured down we had just been issused gortex soon to find it wasent
    going to keep you dry . Any way column of troop hit fence much swearing as each heavily laden soldier tries to get over .Officer pipes
    up " too much noise only a fence get over it " comes his turns tries to jump it while wearing bergan ! On wet grass slips and wraps himself in it much swearing and blue sparks . no one says a word . :D
  4. I have been there and done worse...

    As an FOO in a tactical exercise on Soltau we were tasked with patrolling against the defences of the gun positions. You have to take this semi serious as the gun bunnies have a habit of treating captured OPs to stakeout wich may or may not include an MBW. Its dark and raining and I bump into a cattle fence. I know its a cattlefence because I get an electric shock. So I step away - and get another one. I had managed to bump into the fence with my SMG in such a way that the wire is now inside the dog lead clip securing the strap to the barrel.

    Picture the situation. Its now dark, wet and an officer in the Royal Artillery is now clipped to an electric fence by his SMG surrounded by his entire party literally ROFL
  5. Our TAC has an elccy fence around the inside of the main perimeter fence due to it being an a rought part of town so not long after the TAC opens for business 2 scrotes decide to break in get over the main fence using their chosen method of entry. They then go to scale the elccy fence which was switched on with an ally laddder :twisted: must have been a laugh watching them doing a parkinson's disease impersonation :D
  6. Fishing with an impatient mate on a river, so on the move every ten minutes. Eventually come to an electric fence
    about 4ft high, two choices walk 200 yards to the gate or improvise. Decided on the latter & using our seat boxes would
    create a stile. Sent him over first to test my theory and no problems, as i was half way over the one box moved!
    Dangling over a leccy fence with a leg each side & then it happened,first one was the shock. But being brought up on a
    farm i knew the next pulse would take a few seconds. Thats when you find out who your mates are in time of need!
    Three more times before the tw*t stopped laughing & dragged me off, i was hyper for hours!
  7. My most memorable experience was when I was out on the lash in a small village outside Stranraer.

    Was walking back to our lodgings with my mate and a couple o' birds when someone suggested crossing the fields as a shortcut.
    All well and good, so far. Came across an electric fence, and as I had previosly came across one, I got everyone to hold hands in a line, then I grabbed hold of the top wire. :twisted:

    Was pmsl at the girls and my mate yelping! I then decided in my pissed up state that it would be a good idea to grab hold of the main part of the fence (the part with the squares) with both hands. The strenth of the power that came through that b*stard made me p1ss mysell :!: I colapsed on the floor, deeply embarresed. :oops:

    On the plus side I had two drunk chicks who thought I was a "mental squaddie" who needed the watching over for the night "just to make sure you are O.K" Thanfully everything worked ok, (as both of them will no doubt attest to, (my mate got nowhere, being a pissed up civvie.)) All in all, a good night all round :!:

    Pse excuse my spelling as I am w*ankered. :D
  8. My story dates back a decade and more . When i was 5 my dad decided to toughen me up by dragging me up Ben Nevis. We got 3/4 of the way up before i sat down on the track, utterly hooped, and started to cry. Dad wanders up , gives me a fiver and tells me that there is a woolworths at the top and I can have a £5 pik'n'mix when i get up there, naturally i belted up the remaining quarter before sitting down, crying and having apathy attack at the lack of woolworths. After luch my dad popped me in his bergan, with my head sticking out and carried me back down. After a while I must have been getting heavy cause he took a short cut, going point to point, in order to get back to the car park quciker. Part of this short cut involved him ducking under a single strand wire fence, i was chatting away and my open mouth just happened to be at the correct level to bite the wire, have been scared of leccy fences ever since.
  9. Poofters the lot of you. You want to try pissing on one of the fcukers in the dark. To this day my pubes still resemble Don King's hairdo!
  10. I remember seeing a mate get stuck on one on Salisbury Plain. He was trying to crawl under a single strand when it got caught between the rim of his helmet and the top of his daysack. Poor sod was twitching like a fish on a gaff and being really rather vocal about it. What made it even worse (or better, depending on your point of view) was that while thrashing around trying to get free he managed to cover both himself and his rifle in fresh and extremely fragrant cow sh1t. Obviously he was given a wide berth for the rest of the exercise by his so-called mates who were so helpless with laughter they couldn't even begin to help him.
  11. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Just proves that those fences work.

    If you've 'found' one of these wires it seems their mates are lurking all around too - get yersel a tripwire wand.
    Or take the bus.
  12. Heeheehee, one of these really lightened up my DoE practice expedition the other day. We were walking with a mong (equal opportunities etc etc etc) and we had to cross a style (how do you spell it?) that was on an electric fence. We all took rucksakcs off as it was a small style, slung them over, climbed over, put them back on and waited for the next person. Well this mong had been telling us it was like this in his SAS selection so we all say 'doesn't the SAS never take their bergans off or drop them or anything while their walking?' so he trys to get over with it on, he falls and gets done on the side of his face and his arms! It was a laugh and you know you're going to hell moment.
  13. Adventure training in germany, other wise known as skiving off and cycling down a mountain all day in the summer, one of our hung over band skidded and then lost it going down the hill... and got very friendly with one of those brutally powerful electric fences

    He was okay, just a couple of scratches and a few dozen shocks... he would have got untangled quicker but we were too busy laughing and pointing
  14. We were competing in the Swiss Army Patrol competion back in 94 and were about three quarters of the way round the course, when the next stand we came to was the orienteering bit...so off the three of us starts to leg it around the course, collecting the markers, and through sheer fatigue i am starting to drop behind a little. We are coming near to the cut off time and Micky is hurrying us along and trying to help us out, we come to this bit of a clearing and start to run across this field, where upon Micky grabs hold of what he thinks is just a bit of a fence wire, yep you guessed it, he starts body popping all over the place cos its electric, worse thing is me or the other lad cant do anything to help through laughter, even when the weapon he has slung over him gets caught up in it as well...never spoke to us for a good while after that...
  15. Farmers in South Armargh are prone to wiring their fences to the mains, which makes leading patrols entertaining.