Election Feck Offs

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Letterwritingman, May 1, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I was in Andover today and was almost molested by the Labour canvassers; in their eagerness to get me to endorse them they gave my son a Little Red Balloon with Labour dutifully printed on the thinning rubber side.

    We engaged in some lively political banter for a few moments during which I questioned a number of things, not least his personal integrity.

    At a moment when my knowledge of a particular subject was about to be exposd as weak, my son leapt to the rescue with the release of his balloon which soared for freedom only to catch its membrane on a 'Vote Young' poster.........I turned joyfully to the bespectacelled pinko and said............

    guess it.........................

    "The Conservatives have just burst your balloon"
  2. Ah the joy of baiting canvassers. Something denied to those round where I live since not only is it a rural area but also quite possibly the safest Tory seat in the land.

    Have to make do with charity muggers instead, but even they seem to be a dying breed.
  3. ViroBono

    ViroBono LE Moderator

    Reminds me of the time I rang a local Labour councillor around the time of the local elections.

    VB: 'I've just received your election leaflet, and it suggests I ring you if I have any questions'
    COUN: 'Yes, I'm glad to have the opportunity to talk to constituents. How can I help you?'
    VB: 'Please explain why your canvassers are failed to comply with the plate on my door that says "No unsolicited mail, free papers or advertising.".
    COUN: 'Err, oh, I'm sorry about that. But I would have thought you would want to know about important issues affecting you...'
    VB: 'Indeed. The evidence of how you and your cronies are messing up the area is painfully apparent. Shall we start with the closureof the police station; the CCTV that doesn't work; the failure to deal with licensing and planning issues; the higher than the national average rise in Council Tax (though my bin is still rarely emptied), or have I missed something? But I don't need a leaflet to tell me. In any case, I buy my lavatory paper in rolls; it's much more convenient. '
    COUN: 'Err, ahh, um I take it I can't rely on your vote on polling day, then....?'

    Sadly, I am not there to take advantage of canvassers in the street this time, which is a shame - I was rather looking forward to it.