Effin Home Video Shows

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Aleegee1698

Guest
#1
I just happen to have one of those huge free-standing swimming pools in the garden, 3.5x5.5m, capacity 18000 litres, situated at the end of my drive. The car I have has a six-speed gearbox, reverse is push down and over to the left, theres no way that you can engage reverse as a mistake, but hey, coincidently, today, theres a camera on a tripod mysteriously set up in the garden. So 0700hrs, off to work, funnily enough today the whole family is also outside in the garden. I get in the car, start up and off I go, oh no! in the wrong direction! I ve only gone and driven backwards, into the pool which has collapsed, unleashing 18000 litres of water and sweeping the family with it like a sunami, thank fuck the camera didnt get knocked over.

Do I get the 150 quid?

Also, now this is hilarious right, no, I mean all the viewers will cream themselves when this gets televised, listen to this. I ve got 2 dogs, and when I shine a torch around the room they go mad, barking , yelping, smashing things out of the way, you ve got to see it to believe it, we were just crying. Do I get the 100 Quid?

We have large Patio windows in the living room, we cleaned them so well. Can you imagine how we pissed ourselves laughing the other day, cos my 3 year old son was playing in the garden, the window was shut, I called him and he runs full speed into, guess what? The patio window! losing most of his front teeth, breaking his left cheek bone and nose! We were rolling on the floor. Do I get the 50 Quid?



Get the jist? I fucking hate these TV programmes, most of the videos are staged, regardless of any danger to kids, animals, cameras etc, just for 15 seconds fame, 150 Quid, and something to bore dinner guests to death with for eternity.

List your favourite Home videos here, or do what they do and just make some up.
 

Auld-Yin

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#2
Don't watch them then. That is what the Off button is for! And if you come back and say you have to 'cos SWMBO is watching, then just get yourself over to Rear Party where you belong and leave us alone.

Apart from that, totally agree with you! :)
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#3
Don't watch them then. That is what the Off button is for! And if you come back and say you have to 'cos SWMBO is watching, then just get yourself over to Rear Party where you belong and leave us alone.

Apart from that, totally agree with you! :)
I agree with you. I d like my B&W 3 channel telly back, at least there were programmes of interest then. Now we have hundreds of channels of what? Chavsville TV, Reality, home video shows, Britians best Dustman etc, and IF theres a good film on, its targetted at those of society that dont have to get up at 0600hrs so its screened at 2230hrs!
 
#4
I agree with you. I d like my B&W 3 channel telly back, at least there were programmes of interest then. Now we have hundreds of channels of what? Chavsville TV, Reality, home video shows, Britians best Dustman etc, and IF theres a good film on, its targetted at those of society that dont have to get up at 0600hrs so its screened at 2230hrs!

fuck off back to the 1960s then you moaning cunts.

Your remote control happens to have several methods of changing the channel. Use it, or are you secretly watching these shows jealous that someone else has got the nous to chain saw a tree that falls into his own house, claiming not only £150 but the insurance as well...
 
#5
I agree with you. I d like my B&W 3 channel telly back, at least there were programmes of interest then. Now we have hundreds of channels of what? Chavsville TV, Reality, home video shows, Britians best Dustman etc, and IF theres a good film on, its targetted at those of society that dont have to get up at 0600hrs so its screened at 2230hrs!
Get Sky plus then tight arse.
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#6
fuck off back to the 1960s then you moaning cunts.

Your remote control happens to have several methods of changing the channel. Use it, or are you secretly watching these shows jealous that someone else has got the nous to chain saw a tree that falls into his own house, claiming not only £150 but the insurance as well...
"Chortle" How odd, the tree episode was coincidently on last night, (although I gather its on every feckin show). Less of the 60s please, not that old, we were just so poor we had B&W til 1980.
 
#8
fuck off back to the 1960s then you moaning cunts.

Your remote control happens to have several methods of changing the channel. Use it, or are you secretly watching these shows jealous that someone else has got the nous to chain saw a tree that falls into his own house, claiming not only £150 but the insurance as well...
Several methods of changing the channel to even more mind numbing soul destroying intellect sapping fucking pap.

Marx didn't have clue about the REAL opiate of the masses.
 
#9
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#10
T'internet. iPlayer etc are your friends.
SS, thanks for that, I shall look in to that,......... that is when I ve got a new TV. We had 2 delivery men in today with a large 6ft x 12 ft pane of glass, whilst they were walking through the living room, they swerved past the obligatory chicken crates and then slipped on a Banana-skin that was coincidently laying on the floor, crashing against my 140 Inch LCD Telly and destroying it. The real cunt is that I didnt have a camera running at the time.

Do I get the 150 quid?
 
#11
SS, thanks for that, I shall look in to that,......... that is when I ve got a new TV. We had 2 delivery men in today with a large 6ft x 12 ft pane of glass, whilst they were walking through the living room, they swerved past the obligatory chicken crates and then slipped on a Banana-skin that was coincidently laying on the floor, crashing against my 140 Inch LCD Telly and destroying it. The real cunt is that I didnt have a camera running at the time.

Do I get the 150 quid?
Probably don't need it if you can afford a 140" Tv...
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#13
My wedding anniversary today, loads of guests at the party, twas hilarious, get this, a pair were dancing on a wall paper table right, and you wouldnt believe it no, they were twixt the wedding cake and their table yeh, and then when Shakin Stevens started they went into one right, and they only falls off the table into the wedding (anniversary) cake (that cost me 500 Quid), I was so drunk I had to laugh, you should have been there.................

150 Quid, coat, umbrella etc
 
#17
The fucking wedding ones do me, why the fuck would you want to, (on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, when everything has to be perfect, and your new wife has spent a fortune on a big fancy frock), smash fucking cake into each others fucking moron heads?
Oh and if you're child does something that might hurt itself, why not put the fucking camera down and look after your forward tumbling offspring, you degenerate fucking Redneck fucking pikey scum. How many times do we have to see a small kid fall over, knack itself, then wander towards the camera crying its eyes out while its junky fucking scum parent just carry's on filming.
Still, its occasionally funning watching chavs and morons trying to jump 500 stone steps on roller blades then falling on their asbo and smack riddled faces.
I keep getting told off by the wife for calling them all fucking morons, in front of the kids
 
#18
The fucking wedding ones do me, why the fuck would you want to, (on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, when everything has to be perfect, and your new wife has spent a fortune on a big fancy frock), smash fucking cake into each others fucking moron heads?
Oh and if you're child does something that might hurt itself, why not put the fucking camera down and look after your forward tumbling offspring, you degenerate fucking Redneck fucking pikey scum. How many times do we have to see a small kid fall over, knack itself, then wander towards the camera crying its eyes out while its junky fucking scum parent just carry's on filming.
Still, its occasionally funning watching chavs and morons trying to jump 500 stone steps on roller blades then falling on their asbo and smack riddled faces.
I keep getting told off by the wife for calling them all fucking morons, in front of the kids
Cobblers I'm afraid Old Chap. Daddy has set is camera up to proudly record his kid's first attempt at riding 'it's' new shiny bike. The kid tears off loses control and face-plants into the kerb... Now that's funny. Any footage showing other people's (preferably Americans') fat kids getting hurt is very funny. It's a harsh fact - but none the less a fact. YouTube - Fat Kids Get Hurt While I Play Unfitting Music
 
#19
I have a plan for a TV show called 'Nature's Pruning-Hook' in which people compete to perform lethal stunts for a notional prize of £1,000,000. Stunts like juggling chain-saws, parachuting off a ten-storey building, swimming the Atlantic etc. Contestants will be self-selectingly stupid, and naturally also fat, ugly, spotty, ill-spoken and monstrously unfit. Perhaps 'bear-racing' would be a good one for the last round.

Once Murdoch takes over the BBC it should get a slot, easy.
 
#20
I have a plan for a TV show called 'Nature's Pruning-Hook' in which people compete to perform lethal stunts for a notional prize of £1,000,000. Stunts like juggling chain-saws, parachuting off a ten-storey building, swimming the Atlantic etc. Contestants will be self-selectingly stupid, and naturally also fat, ugly, spotty, ill-spoken and monstrously unfit. Perhaps 'bear-racing' would be a good one for the last round.

Once Murdoch takes over the BBC it should get a slot, easy.
Sorry Pigshyt. Noel Edmonds was way ahead of you.
YouTube - BBC1 Continuity - 15.11.86 - Late Late Breakfast Show Axed
 
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