Economy fcuked? Kit shortages? Here is the answer:

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Blogg, Feb 1, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. "A secret airstrip is being built in a diamond field illegally seized by the Zimbabwean army 14 months ago which would enable clandestine weapons shipments.

    Diplomats and analysts believe that the mile-long runway is intended for arms shipments, probably from China, for which troops loyal to President Robert Mugabe would pay on the spot with gemstones from the Chiadzwa diamond mines."

    So, must be a disused airstrip somewhere in the UK. Only trouble is what to pay in......
  2. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    We could trade in Chavs, they're not human so could be used to resettle outer Mongolia and settle in no problem, kick out dem muslims innit!
  3. What the feck are we going to pay with, Tertiary services? Our economy is fucked. Barely any primary goods to speak of.
  4. Or just airland there and take the diamond fields?

    Budget dramas solved. At least for the military.
  5. Don't be silly. All we'd have to do is tell the Guv'nor in Threadneedle Street to press the '+' button a couple of times on his photocopier.

    Before he'd finished his tea, another couple of billion quid would be sitting in the out tray. As well as paying for kit this would give a much needed boost to the economy, stave off deflation and combat that elitist AAA credit rating that Britain still has.

    Alternatively, we could wait until the Tories get in and pay using human organs forcibly harvested from the children of the unemployed.
  6. or just give them the unemploed?!?
  7. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    Hmm wonder where the "Kimberly" certificates will come from? Put money on it the ink will still be wet. Ah well shame I don't know anyone in Zim any more as I can move as much rough as I can get.
  8. Uncle Bob tried that don't think it worked, still I look forward to our new higher demonimation notes :D

  9. Don't mock. I saw a million pound note on display in the Bank of England museum recently. I rather fear that I might be seeing it in my wallet before much longer.

    On a related matter, I see government ministers continue to do their bit to spend Britain out of debt -

    Mandelson 'guzzles the golden elixir'
  10. Don't be disgusting.

    Organs from chav children would be full of cholesterol and e-numbers. Hasn't Zimbabwe suffered enough?