East Midlands OTC

Always said that Leek could do with some improvements!
Place is a hole, the mess is staffed by spotty face morons and the moors are a bitch to harbour on, when its snowing or p*ssing it down
East Mids OTC, eh?

When I came out of the regs I did a stint in an east mids TA Inf unit. One time, we got offered some extra dosh to do a guard duty on the OTC summer ball, outdoors at a stately home grounds in Notts. Woburn abbey, I think. It was a lovely night for the kiddies, they all turned up with stunning 20 yr old girlfriends in expensive gownless evening straps, and proceded to get utterly slaughtered on various posh boozes. As the night wore on, the mix of music, summer air, youth, spirits and the power of the uniform worked it's magic. Yes, they were pairing off and sneaking out of the marquee into the bushes. Now, the Colonel had anticipated this and was of the view that copulation, whilst a fine thing in itself, is not suited to the circumstances of a formal military occasion.
This being so, we had been instructed to suggest to any over amorous couples that they might like to desist, at least until they were back in the coach.
We had a night sight, and one of those halogen torches that are like a shermuly going off. We were also cammed up, and had the radios, one of which was with a barman in the marquee who could tip us off when a couple slipped out.
The procedure was
1. spot the couple
2. follow them in sneaky mode (good training - we were recce platoon)
3. watch for a bit until the vinegar strokes or equivalent high pitched squeaking from the lady
4. slam on the torch from 10 feet away, with the immortal words 'Good evening sir. Colonels compliments, would you care to rejoin him in the main marquee at your earliest convenience. Good evening Madam. May I escort you or will the gentleman do so after he rearranges his uniform?'

Not a peep of protest out of any of them. The middle classes are so polite, aren't they?

One of the lads wanted to shout 'Halt! Who comes there?' but we thought that a little crude.
Lol, all rather funny, but a tad **** don't you think. Does something like that really warrant the use of a guard with CWS? Sure our guards just monged it down at the gate.
I thought the guard being all cammed up etc. was OTT myself, but there you go. It was an open park and well advertised, the boss was probably just being prudent.

****? Nah. 'trap spoiling' is a venerable tradition. The best one I ever saw, which went wayyyy beyond the call of duty, was in Cyprus.
One of the bars had a wall which was all TV screens, which could all show the same picture, or make up one big image. A lad on another troop, our rivals in the squadron, had this stunning Swedish tour rep girlfriend and would not shut up about her. We decided to spoil his fun. His mate was bribed to get vhs footage of them on the job - dead easy, they used to use the lads pit, and if you can't do a bit of sneaky surveillance work you have no place in the Army. The tape was given to the barman, Dino, who was a good sort. The bar TVs were showing footy when, as arranged, in walk the lad and his Inga. They are sat so that he can see the tv and she can't (all choreographed - if we put this much effort into training we'd have beat the germans in 1939). The football commentary stays on, but one by one the screens are switched to our loop tape (there was only 3 minutes of action) of Red hot 'n' Swede. His face. Oh, his face, as he tried to think of ways to stop her turning round. In a few moments, the whole wall is one big image of his feeble drunken efforts, and you could see (which he couldn't have done at the time) her yawning over his shoulder. Class. Eventually of course she clocked, damned him and us to hell a million times in Swedish (I presume - I can only say 'smorgasbord', and that's Norwegian) and off she trotted.

Of course, that was done purely for fun. At the OTC do, it was class war. We all hate posh kids.

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