East London Missile threat solved

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Harry Skinters, Jul 5, 2012.

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  1. MoD unveils surface-to-air cockneys
    COCKNEYS will be launched from the top of a tower block if someone attacks the Olympics, it has been confirmed.

    [​IMG]'Keep looking at the eel'

    The Ministry of Defence said the rocket-propelled geezers will have a range of five miles and be told that any rogue planes entering Olympic airspace have insulted their lovely old mum.
    A spokesman said: “We understand residents will be concerned about having a live cockney on the roof but the weapons will be controlled by a handler armed with tranquiliser-laced mashed potato.
    “We will only unleash the cockneys as a last resort, unless of course we grow sick of them and just fire them directly into the ground.”
The MoD has been testing market stall traders on Dartmoor, where local people have reported a loud ‘CAAAHHHNNNT!’, whenever a cockney is launched from a catapult.
    Early prototypes were unstable and often kicked off for no discernible reason, forcing engineers to try and hypnotise them with a live eel.
    Bow resident Roy Hobbs said: “I bought this flat in the hope the area would become a gentrified haven of antique fairs and artisan bakeries, so I am peeved at the notion of a battery of tattooed cockneys on my roof.
    “Surely it’s better that the Olympics are attacked and everyone dies?”
    • Like Like x 6
  2. can't quite recall the last time I saw a cockney in london.
    let alone a flying one,

    dick van dyke don't count,
  3. They moved out to Basingstoke in the 90s apparently . Everyone ive had the misfortune to meet from that place seems to be an Ex Cockernee. Gawd luv a duck etc
  4. Mr_Fingerz

    Mr_Fingerz LE Book Reviewer

    There's loads of the loveable rogues in South Essex (Purfleet/Grays/Tilbury).

    They're easily identifiable by the use of the term "waaannkkaaahhh". No one has yet been able to give this term any meaning.
  5. However these missiles can only be used when the Bow Bells are ringing.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. It`s a recognition call. They all, deep down, recognise one another and make the plaintive cry.
    • Like Like x 1
  7. they also use pearls instead of kevlar