Earthquake hits Liverpool!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Yes_Sir!, Sep 14, 2005.

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  1. An earthquake measuring 5.7 on the Richter scale hit Liverpool last Wednesday
    morning. The epicentre was Bootle. Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly
    saying "bang out of order", "mental" and "that did my 'ead in".

    The earthquake decimated the area, causing in excess of £17.50 Worth of damage.
    Several priceless collections of mementoes from Ibiza and
    Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three reserved areas of
    Historic burnt out cars were destroyed and many locals were woken before their
    giros arrived.

    One resident, Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four,
    Said "It was such a shock. Little Chardonnay-Leigh came running into
    My bedroom crying. My hands were shaking so much I could hardly skin up
    While watching Trisha".

    The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of
    Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers
    Are still searching through the rubble and have found numerous
    'Elizabeth Duke' sovereigns, benefit books, bone china from Pound Stretcher And
    Argos catalogues. However, they have still not yet managed to save any
    furniture from Crazy George's.


    This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for
    those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster.
    Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are Lacoste tracksuits
    His and hers), white socks, burberry caps, woolly beanie hats and classic
    Reebok trainers. Food parcels are also needed. They include McCains
    Micro Chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch and Iceland Pizzas. Alcohol is also in
    short supply - especially White Lightning Cider and Carlsberg Special Brew.


    22p buys a Bic biro for signing on
    £2.50 buys a jumbo sausage dinner
    £3.00 buys a "knock-off" CD
    £20.00 buys a fake MOT Certificate(or 10 gallons of petrol to burn The vehicle
    out) £26.00 buys 200 Regal from Tommo, who has just got back from Kavos
  2. har dee har dee har...l last time I gotthat it was scumchester
  3. Seen it for Belfast in the last two days too. At least six years old.
  4. An old joke but no the less a quality one. :) :)
  5. Why???????????
  6. OldSnowy

    OldSnowy LE Moderator Book Reviewer

    I got this sad, sad, e-mail at work today. It really made me think...

    "With all the news on TV lately about the extreme weather conditions affecting the South Coast of the US, floods in central Europe, the mud slides in the Middle East and South America, along with the dire predictions made by such films as "The Day After Tomorrow", we shouldn't forget that England has its share of devastating weather too.

    I've attached a photo illustrating the damage caused to a friend's home from a storm that passed through Southern England last night. It really makes you cherish what you have,and reminds us not to take things for granted.

    God bless us all.

  7. Nice one Snowy - far more subtle and certainly more original
  8. Why is that? Do tell.
  9. Maybe as a scouser i did, get a grip, the joke has been out for years and it still made me laugh.


  10. Its worse.

    Liverpool City Centre has just been devasted by a huge bomb, which caused £29 billion worth of improvements.
  11. daz

    daz LE

    well you'll hate these then ;-)

    Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
    A: Because if it walked it would be mugged

    Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Merseyside?
    A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

    Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
    A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.

    Q: What's the first question at a Liverpool pub quiz night ?
    A: What are you looking at?

    Q: What do you call a scouser in a White Shellsuit ?
    A: The Bride

    Q: Define confusion
    A: Fathers day in Liverpool

    Q:Why did Gerard Houllier go to Argos?
    A:It's the only place he could pick up Premier Points.

    Q. Why do pigeons fly upside down over Liverpool?
    A. Because there's nothing worth shitting on.

    Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
    A: So they ain't mistaken for a scouse women.

    Q:What's long, scouse, and goes around corners?
    A:The Dole queue.
  12. The first Plane load of Scousers has left John Lennon Airport for New Orleans to assist with the looting.
    It has also been revieled the flooding was caused by a Suicide Plumber.
  13. whaddya call a Scouser in a 3 bedroom semi: Burglar.
    Scouser in a suit: The Accused.