Earning my Brown Wings

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Taff49, Jun 2, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. By God he was a mess. A thick Cornish accent you could cut with a knife, at least three stone overweight and teeth that druids could dance around. I was once sent to find him, and asked Tiff how I would know I had the right bloke. He’s the one who would look scruffy naked, came the reply. He was right too. A nine year Crafty with no ambition other than getting leathered that night and kicking in the back doors of one of his harem of dirty scutters. You see, he might have been a bit of a two-and-eight but I was fascinated by him because he had something I coveted. He had his Brown Wings.

    I met him when posted to my first unit. I was dragged down the bar on my first night and for some reason, Cfn A****** decided that I needed to shown right from wrong. You’ve read the description of him, so it was with utter astonishment that I discovered just how prolific he was with the ladies. Admittedly they were hardly supermodel level but he rarely went home alone. I would look forward to the following mornings Naafi break to hear the full story and they always ended the same way. A burp, followed by a final swig of his brew and the words “she’ll be shitting spunk later” to confirm that he had indeed taken his latest conquest in the wrong ‘un.

    I was loved up at the time, with the lass who went on to become the first Mrs T49. She was a bit of a prude (missionary in the dark, and a pair of red knickers was borderline kinky) so I wasn’t going to earn my BW there. Then, out of the blue, and opportunity arose to finally become a real soldier.

    We went up to that there London for a gig, my Cornish mate and I. We spent a very happy couple of hours throwing ourselves around the mosh pit, and after the gig, asked a couple of local Goth chicks were was the best pub to keep drinking. I say asked, we bellowed, as I’m pretty sure the band had exceeded to recommended 78dCb volume limit for the venue and all I could hear was a loud ringing noise in my ears. Several pints with our new Goth chums later and I have left the pub and set off with one of them, destination her flat.

    We got to her place via a double decker bus and descended to her basement flat. She dragged the mattress onto the floor and we got down to the shagging part of the evening. As she climbed onto all fours, I looked down at her pucker and thought “Hmmmmmmm”. A big lick of my thumb and I was ready. I placed it against her dot and she readjusted her position to let me push my thumb into her Sheriff’s badge. A glance around the room showed all manner of ladies cosmetics but nothing that leant itself to lubrications purposes. My eye’s finally found a tub of E45 cream and, with a spirit of improvisation worthy of the Corp, I slapped a good handful onto her tea-towel holder and lined up my old fella. A little gentle pressure and BLAMMO! In it slipped. I gentle fed the full length into her as she made some funny little noises and than I began to pump. It didn’t take me long to spend my wad (it never does, if I’m being honest) but I didn’t care. You see, I had done the deed! I was QUALIFIED! I HAD MY BROWN WINGS!!

    The following morning my hearing had returned and I was pleasantly surprised to discover my anal sweetheart was Australian. Double bubble, as I had never boned an Australian before. I had a coffee with her to be polite, and then sloped off. I met up with my mate at a café near Victoria station and listened to his story of the bird he had copped off with. I could hardly contain myself and waited to tell him the great news! Because this time, it was I who was able to finish the story with the line “she’ll be shitting spunk later”. To this day, every time I hear the neighbours theme tune, I remember the night I finally became a soldiers soldier.

    Anyone else care to tell us how they qualified for their Brown Wings?
  2. In a dark side street, with callous scarred hands carressing my face. My rusty sheriff's badge resembled a blood orange after the ordeal. He never did call me back. :(
  3. You didn't leave me your number you twat 8O :twisted:
  4. Bird or bloke regardless, quality first post.
  5. I thought red wings was plating a bird on the blob, and brown wings likewise, not plating a bird having a shit, just putting your tongue up the hoop.

    Confused of Colchester.
  6. That's a Dirty Sanchez.
  7. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Family legend has it that me Mum shit all over me head when I popped out. I blame many of my later misunderstandings on this. You start out covered in your Mums shite and brown wings dont exactly do it, you know?
  8. I think poo and smearing on your partners face is involved in the dirty Sanchez, I had none of that.
  9. nah, a dirty sanchez is finger up the bum and gently skiffing her top lip
    giving a look of a mexican tache - the sanchez, dirty if you please

    tongue up the ass would be a hoop dhoobi(or dhobi if you're from cumbriancestershire)

    was told an amusing tale at the weekend of a chap who joined adultfuckfinders or some such after his divorce
    and proceeded to bang his way through a multitude of wings in the space of a few months

    the fella then had the temerity to complain he hadn't got his blue wings yet and was a little downs

    what were his bluewings i hear you ask,
    an blue rinsed with a werthers fetish?
    a deep throated choked up student with pigtails and and no gag reflex?
    maggie thatchers chuff?

    nah, he was upset that he'd not yet fucked a deader

    couldn't work out why he should have been more concerned that he thought that was a bad thing

    i seem to recall he may have been RAF, but i was well blottoed bwt! :D
  10. I thought the dirty sanchez was fingering her arse, then smearing the shit over her top lip; in effect a skiff.

    Brown Wings is anal sex, White Wings is taking a girl's virginity, Red Wings nailing her on the blob, Metal Wings shagging her if she is in a wheelchair, Yellow Wings if she is asian.
  11. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    I feel a career in HardSports porn is not for you. Maybe go for manager of an out-of-town Multiplex?
  12. We were young, she was Cornish, the deed was done in a tent near the Double Locks in Exeter (it's a pub).
  13. I told her it wouldnt hurt, she believed me, It did hurt, not seen her since
  14. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Hey, she's cool. Got a job in HR and a nice little BMW M3 on a '07 plate. She has mentioned you. Said you were a cak handed lug who smelled of fish. We're very happy, thanks for asking.
  15. Do you get a striped badge if you combine any of those at the same time?