Spent a considerable amount of time preparing the MOD Policy on early retirement will be signed by CDS once feedback received........rather poignant I thought. EARLY RETIREMENT 1. Due to the current financial situation encountered with the shortfall in the Defence Budget and overstretch, the MOD has decided to implement a scheme to put all personnel over the age of 30 on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retired Aged Personnel Early). 2. Persons elected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help AFTer Retirement). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (SCheme for Retried Early Workers). A person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate. 3. Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants of Spouses) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons that have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management. 4. Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SH1T it gives to its staff. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SH1T, please bring it to the attention of your line Manager or Equal Opportunities Advisor. They have been trained to give you all the SH1T you can handle.