DYK index of intoxication

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by walt_of_the_walts, Feb 11, 2010.

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  1. This evening I have drunk 6 pints of Exmoor Beast (6.6%) and 5 double bourbon and cokes (Buffalo trace 45% ABV)

    On attempting to enter Chez Walt using my keys (the servants were asleep, they will be thrashed in the morning) I dropped my keys no less than 3 times.

    =Scoring 3 on the DYK index.(Dropped Your Keys)

    This is most unusual for me.

    Considering the amounts drunk, is there any scientific corellation to units drunk and how often one drops their keys at the domestic doorstep?

    So, in order to find the answers in this woefully under researched area I am proposing, as a scientific unit of measure, the DYK index of intoxication.

    Of course I need field agents, such as the good members of Arrse to provide me with empirical data and field reports.

    Please note: That if you have to close one eye in order to get the key in the door lock, that counts as one unit.

    Thank you.
    (For reading this drivel)
  2. ppfffft!

    Keys?!!! I hear tell some of the army refer to them also as "Alt-bergs".
    If you need a piece of metal to get through a door after a night on the beer then you sir...are a puff! A puff who remembered his manners also by even trying to use a key...that makes you a double homo.

  3. This is a wah fcuk the keys your powers of typing on a keyboard, making sense, spelling and grammar are A1. Consider yourself passing with flying colours......unlike me.
  4. You havent seen my front door. I live in a high crime area. You'd need a challenger tank to smash down my front door, never mind altbergs!

    You have no idea how long it took me to type this without speeling msitaeks
  5. Your being french has fuck all to do with this...you are still officially a puff!

    Try an attempted suicide..then post the highlights!

    <Edit...I'm pissed>

    Sorry mate :soldier:
  6. Nope don't believe you...I'm only half way down the drinks quota and I'm having trouble seeing the keyboard.

    I have trouble getting the key in my lock usually cause the damn light keeps going off....
  7. I am not french?

    That has to be the most bizarre riposte I have had from an Arrser?
  8. Well I've just opened a bottle of port. Lets see who folds first :D
  9. Port...I see you're going for the hard stuff then! :lol:
  10. Not that hard but easily drinkable. I once did a whole weekend on nothing but. It flew by...
  11. D'accord. D'accord.

  12. Admit it you don't remember the weekend do you. I'm a lightweight by comparison. I've just drunk a bottle of wine on top of a mix of spirits, now thats dangerous.
  13. Eh!?
  14. You Crabfat cnuts!!!...Get the feck off arrse!!!!

    Arrse is for Army...and pissed up matelots - Not blokes with "hair products".

    <Rustles Telegraph etc>
  15. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

    Cyprus 94 proper pissed couldn't get the flat door opened as the keys didn't work
    Kicked it in
    Flat mate and myself enter clutching Doners and gettin ready to prepare tonights drunken war film
    Thought this looks a bit more posh than we left it

    Right block wrong floor
    Returned next morning with cheque book to fund repairs