Dum School Stories

at the peak of my finess i wasselected for the school swiming team. after a gala down in england we al returned to the youth hostle wher we were staying and had tea. once tea was over we all had 2 hours free time. so i decided that i was going to use it in hansing my personal development. so my self and the bird of thetime went to the games room and i begain to neck her. man it was good, until the PT teacher came in. oh man she didn't no where to look. any way. she was stupid enough to ask "what are you two doing?" this was a bad idea. so me being me decides to reply with "i'm necking her miss, are you blind or does your husband not show you that he loves you." now anybody else would of stopped there, but oh no not me. "hay miss do you want to join in?" this was the biggest mastake i havemade.

have you ever had 3 months of detentions. trust me if you haven't they aint fun. i don't know how many times i ran round that gym or how many press ups i did, but i do know thisturning around to the teacher and saying "miss ffs your nothing but a raving mad cnut." does not achive anything except getting you 2 weeks free holiday. ok and the knowledgenot to do that again in a hurry. :lol:
Well, I don't know if this counts as stupid but when I finished sixth year me and my pals had some good fun with muckup day pranks, among which were.....
1. Dismantling the row of cubicles for the stalls in the gents and reassembling them on the playing fields.

2. Relocating a moped and a motorbike from the carpark to the fenced in tennis courts and locking them in, leaving bunches of flowers in the exhaust pipes.

3. Strategically placing "artistic" magazines in the newspaper racks in the school library (got some very odd looks from the guy in the local shop when I bought a whole pile of them)

4. The old classic of leaving a bag of fish inside a recently vacated locker to become very fragrant over the coming weeks.

5. And finally, doctoring photos of the teaching staff and head boy and girl for display on the notice board.

I don't know if that's stupid but it was fun and we got away with most of it mainly because some of the other people did stuff much much worse.
Not really a school story, but more University "High Spirits".

Picture the scene; prestigious University, lovely old building (Quadrant) with a fountain in the centre of the courtyard.

We chipped in and bought some trout, and dumped them in the fountain, leaving the bemused parents at graduation day to admire the lovely fish.

Happy Days indeed.....
OK - silly - but we found it amusing at the time:

Leaving skool (5th year) sneaked down to dining room one night turned all tables upside down and re-set them for breakfast - knowing we were being allowed a lie in the next day having just finished 'O' levels.....

Blinkin' nuns got up at sparrows bottomburp and found the tables.....woke us all up and made us re-set them properly before rest of skool came down for breaksfast.

Those penguins had no sense of humour.....
Hows about this, and we thought we were being clever.

We used to get one lesson of swimming a week, when I was at secondary school. The same fat PE teacher took us. He was called Mr Leader but due to the fact that he was never without a brew and a pie, he was known as Muncher.

Muncher always insisted we went by his rules. As soon as we'd legged it in and the last bloke was changed, he had to have one minutes complete silence before the lesson would begin. We'd all be stood in a row, freezing our hairless bo-llocks off, watching the Speedo clock work it's way round. You were absolutely guaranteed that with 5 seconds to go, person or persons unknown would let out a noise and Muncher would just say,

"Right, we'll try again shall we?"

The whole lesson would go by like this. We'd all be killing ourselves laughing, under the mistaken thinking that we were getting one over the fat ba-stard. After 35 revoloutions of the clock we'd troop back to the changing rooms, dry as a bone and with mild exposure, and get changed for the next lesson.

Mind you, he got sacked a year later. The dozy ba-stard had a great idea for raising money for charity. He set up an inflatable octopus in the pool at lunchtime and charged everyone 15p to have a go on it. Games teachers being notoriously stupid, it hadn't occured to him that the octopus was the full width of the pool. Within quarter of an hour, six kids were on their way to casualty, having fallen off and bounced off the tiled walls instead of into the water.
I managed to get myself suspended from school for two days for pinching a disected rat, a jar of pickled locusts and a strip magnesium ribbon from the science block.

The rat just looked so tempting there in its freezer bag, little feet all curled up, covered in yellow gunk and guts missing! It ended up being passed arround in the following lesson until i got collered.

Setting a light to the magnesium ribbon on the back of the school bus wasnt really a good idea either :?

But i turned out alright in the end :D
It wasn't me (honest guv), but I know of a couple of lads who caught and ate the school cat. Apparently, they taste the same as rabbit!
i also got up to many more weird and wonderful things.

such as dismantling the wash hand system in the boys bogs.

making a rat run along the outside of the second floor. (fok knows how i never got caught or fell and splatted myself on the floor below)

being in the acf i had a lot of combats ect to hand, so i used to climb out my window and monkey run across the flat roof linking my room and my buds room. (it was good until the staff came up to hang the washing out and caught me)

one evening my self and a couple of mates decided to have a little escape and evasion game. of course we had to have staff supervising, and i thought i was the dogs nads at this game. well i was, the only reason i was found was because i was snoring too loud. no kidding when i was found it was 4 below and i was kipping underneath a bush. it wasn't even another bloody player that found me it was a police dog. if you haven't worked it out yet they had reported me missing because i had been hiding for about 9 hours.

man i'm just so good.

strange nobody ever played that with me again.
Some where along the line in my school days I found/inherited/stole an 18-inch ruler which was about 2 ½ inches wide and made of thick plastic. I cannot recall ever drawing a straight line with it: this was not a ruler- it was a hitting stick cleverly disguised as a ruler.

The lesson I liked least of all (apart from RE) was Music – our teacher was Miss Strawson, a short dumpy woman with a rather large posterior, which earned her the nickname Strawbum (aren’t kids original?).

The time came when I was minding my own business sitting at one of those chairs with the swivel desk attached – Strawbum was stood in front of me, leaning over the shoulder of another pupil, her rotund arrse filling my whole field of vision. Out came the ruler and, to the delight of the rest of the class I started larging it up by getting the ruler bent to near a right angle right in front of her arrse.

The more the class laughed the further I bent it..... to this very day I can hear the sound of the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrwhaaaaaaaack of that ruler hitting and envision the rippling effect of her arrse as she fair near went up to the ceiling. She moved pretty quick for a fat lass that I will grant her. In an instant she turned around (her chubby little face as red as a fire engine) scooped me out of my seat by my hair (without moving the swivel desk) and propelled me toward the door telling me NEVER to come back. So I never did. An unfortunate accident putting paid to any thoughts I might have had about a musical career.
In my last year at school i pinched a big ball-bearing from the science class store. A couple of days later the plod arrive and interrogate everyone who had access......it turned out some b@stard had stolen a highly toxic cobolt ball!! 8O

Lost it double quick :oops:
yet again this one is connected to swimming. differant PT teacher this time and i was on rope setting duty (jump in and put the lane ropes up for trainning) easy i here you cry. yeah it is unless when you dive in youu sexy orange swim shorts dettach them selfs from your person, when your bird ex-bird and birdto be are all watching it isn't.

(oh the bird to be stopped being the bird to be pritty sooon after....don't know why i just couldn't ask her out for some reason!):oops:

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