DS Comedians

Discussion in 'Army Reserve' started by Unknown_Quantity, Aug 27, 2002.

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  1. Unknown_Quantity

    Unknown_Quantity War Hero Moderator

    As a  kind of extention to "the worst PSI/Adj etc" thread, what is the strangest or most amusing thing a DS has shouted at anyone during an exercise?
  2. I'm putting you in for commissioning.....  :(

    "For fcuks sake, get your head down you twat, before someone shoots it off, Christ, u fcuking numpty moron come here.....Oh Sorry Sir"

    - lololololololololol
  3. On our bgd patrol comp the platoon sgt was marked down for calling the platoon ''one legged spastic bas###s, f##kigh waste of rations''.

    On the same comp but a different stand the same plt sgt on being told the target was obscured by smoke was heard to shout ''shoot the smoke''.

    I know this is true as I was that plt sgt and have sufferd for these quips eversince.
  4. This wasn't so much what a DS said but rather what he did (or had to do).
    I was on a LFTT course some weeks ago at Sennybridge training area. We were firing the 51mm mortar into the hillside but there happened to be sheep exactly where our target area was. So the DS staff got their boss (a major) to go over to the hillside (down the hill we were on and through a valley/stream etc, then up the other side) and 'shoo' the sheep away.

    From where we were sitting - all you could see was this little 'dot' of a major chasing these sheep around the hillside.

    It was a bit of a location joke as you had to be there to see the funny side.
  5. Mr Happy

    Mr Happy LE Moderator

    Bayonet alley, somewhere cold and wet.
    Recruit charges up hill with Bayonet killing stuffed NBC suits and what not.  A final enemy appears and is promptly bayoneted to the ground. Recruit continues to stab away whilst C/Sgt 'Gary' screaming at him that the enemy isn't dead yet, keep going, keep going when suddenly a Mars bar flies out of recruits pocket and lands on the ground... C/Sgt, gathers breath "the mars bar, it's given your position away KILLLL EET", recruit starts stabbing away, CO watching on through the trees start to cry with laughter.

    Thetford, Room Clearance Demo in the open sided house near the FIBUA village.  Demo team chucks in chorley grenade and charges in afterwards wpns firing into likely enemy hiding spots... BOOM chorley then explodes.  "And that gentlemen, is how not to do it".  Incidentally saw the same thing on a demo by US SWAT team storming a plane with a flashbang.

    Survival demo, on lighting fires lesson - recipient of MBE for survival training in war ("one match, one fire boys") of 30+ years skills demoing in the woods.  Accidentally sets fire to his very large ammo box of tricks...  phos, nitrate, paper, diesel, petrol, wood, tinder, matches, gas you name it!  Catches fire, 30 years of collection of kit up in smoke.  I swear it was burning the tops of trees.  Students fleeing for their lives as explosions start tearing the box apart.... A plume of noxious smoke rising to the heavens, Course OC looks up from his Times, "Mmmm, something's up!  'Mick' has set fire to Trooper Swain"
  6.   green jacket nbc instructor. in chamber recruits de mask   instructor says " right you all know your name rank an number  so sing always look on bright side of life
    "  recruits  choking collapse on floor  instructor "come on 2 nd verse"   "now do some break dancing "  recruits on floor  gasping there last  "oh  i see you doing that already"   " right name best football team in the world
    and i will let you out "  recruits  "England " d.s. "englands  a country not a team "  several teams later we came up with" sheffield united" and were let out. same course   d.s  shouts at recruit "were you abused as a child ? do you want to be abused as an adult ? "
  7. Not quite a DS story, but I remember a TA troop commander being introduced to his brigade commander for the first time and he said "Hello, Colonel" !!! :eek:

    Open mouth, insert both feet.
  8. Aparently if a sheep gets killed by shelling (or mortar rounds) then the farmers get reimbursed several times the value of the sheep by the army.  I'm not sure how true this is.

    I find it p1ss funny that when you start dropping shells, the sheep run away in single file.  ;D
  9. Remember being in a 4T on STANTA and the driver ran over a sheep - death not instant as one would expect, it had to be finished off by hand (or rather, foot).

    Slung it into the bck.  TM not very impressed and it cost the equivalent of 2 x MTDs !

    And we didn't even get the fillets.... :)
  10. you not going to tell them about your car being put up on stage there too ?  ;)  ;D
  11. What can I say - it is a very cultural car !

    Anyway, get back to work or I'll report you to the sheep-killer !
  12. Open question for those not raised exclusively on the short green rifle.

    Overheard many years ago a strange argument that got very heated between two SNCOs over the SLR (after a few glasses of wine after a Regimental dinner night).

    On the command "Ready", was the procedure "set sights, cock weapon" or "cock weapon, set sights" ?

    This got to fingers in the chest time as both had been on the Skill at Arms Instructors course (different ones, obviously !).  This argument was never resolved, as they agreed to disagree.

    Answers please (for nostalgic purposes only).
  13. Fcuking hell!!  I can barely remember last week and you're asking us what the drills were for something I used last about 12 years ago!  Think it was cock rifle and then sights mind you - though don't quote me on that!
  14. Wasn't it "Charge muskets!, prime muskets!, light your match!, aim.....fire!....." and if you hit something then fine. :D
  15. sights then cock weapon i remeber
       just out of intrest they were selling old slr in florida
       though they cut the  flashider off and put a new
           thumb hole stock  . and you could also buy the suit
         sight for it minus trilux element and five round magazine for hunting with