You are at that stage of inebriation where anything is possible. Your aspirations know no bounds and are particularly over the top if there is even the slightest hint that you may get your leg over. You promise the earth and are full of generosity and a willingness to do good deeds. There are of course all the usual whispered promises of multiple orgasms and the hardest fucking of your life whispered between urgent breathless kissing and fumbling in the back of a taxi. Or getting on all fours in a hotel room and promising that they can do what ever they like to you, then regretting it slightly the morning when you have a torn chuff, sore arse and more friction burns than an epileptic convention at a carpet warehouse. But these are of course all part and parcel of drunken shagging. What about the more obscure promises? The ones with lasting consequences? I once promised to be a birthing partner to a girl I worked with and am forever scarred with the memory of watching her scream her way through the labour and just at the moment I decided to have a gander at the miracle that is âcrowningâ I saw her gash tear, splitting open like a boiled peanut only with blood and possibly shit and a ripping sound that saw me flat on my back with my legs above my head in a bid to stay conscious. When the blood had returned to my brain the morbid fascination had taken over and i went for another look only to see the infant slither out of her clunge leaving behind a horrific gaping, gulping, blood and mucus rich mess, like a yawning hippo that been slotted by shotgun in its oesophagus. Ladies and Gents your promises please.