Drunken Culinary Delights

TheresaMay

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
#1
We've all been there - Hungry after a night on the lash, missed the kebab shop and the all night garage was closed for refuelling. You're extremely peckish but you're too trollied to work the cooker; but the primeval instinct to feast on bloody steak and chunky chips is preventing you from collasping into an alcohol-induced coma. So what to do?

A bit of a surprise this one - as the idea came from the missus.

Anyway, after coming in from a top table lunch and the five hours of drinking that followed, I was naturally peckish to say the least. I was approaching that "give us the most expensive kebab you do" stage, but living in a quaint little town where everything closes at 1730hrs, I was forced with the idea of cooking for myself (or asking the missus).

Anyway, she suggested opening a bag of Jalapeno Fire Doritos, layered onto a plate with a layer of grated Seriously Strong, followed by a second layer of Doritos, followed by a final dusting of cheese. Microwave for 45 seconds on full power and enjoy.

My God! The only negative thing I can say about this cheeky little pick-me-up is that it can NOT be used as a substitute for my main meal. Apparently.

So anyway - do any of you ARRSers have any quality drunken delights to share?
 
P

PrinceAlbert

Guest
#2
She learnt that midnight snack from me.


And that little trick she does with her Tongue.
 
#4
One of my mates once came in drunk and, horrified at the thought of having to cook for himself, ate a three day old kebab which he found in his bin.

Needless to say the daft **** ended up rather ill. Probably not quite the culinary delight he had in mind but i believe he enjoyed it at the time.
 
#5
Couple of Pakco Curried Chilis with the Doritos and cheese also work well.

Can of corned beef, sliced thick, on toast with cheese, curried chilis and Tabasco does the trick.

 
#6
Couple of Pakco Curried Chilis with the Doritos and cheese also work well.

Can of corned beef, sliced thick, on toast with cheese, curried chilis and Tabasco does the trick.

Sounds great, but faffing around opening a can of Corned Beef when your shredders is not recommended!
 
#7
Open can or bottle of Guinness. Pour half into pot and heat but don't boil. Drink the rest as you

1. Make toast.
2. As toast is making grate the aforesaid Cheddar Seriously Strong.
3. Add a pinch of Mustard Powder (English).
4. Stir together.
5. Add a pinch of your Guinness to mositen.
6. Spread on toast and grill until bubbly brown.

Pour over hot Guinness as a sauce.

Enjoy.

I think this is an RGJ recipe.
 
#8
Cornedbeef fried or microwaved till a bit squishey, cold baked beans, picalilly on thick bread (barm cake if you live where you can get the food of the gods). Good soakerupper with the added benafit of great farts to keep your legs warm on cold nights.
 
#9
Sounds great, but faffing around opening a can of Corned Beef when your shredders is not recommended!
No worries. PPPPPPP! Open a can or two before heading for the piss up and leave in a saucer in the fridge. If nothing else, you can chuck Tabasco on it and stand there with it in your hand like an ice cream wafer taking huge bites between swigs of water.
 
#10
I think this is an RGJ recipe.
As good as the RGJ undoubtedly are, I don't recall them ever being credited with the invention of Welsh Rarebit. As for a truly unique modern day drunken culinary delight, here's mine. (As loosely transcribed from the Strange Squaddie Food Combinations thread)

skintboymike said:
On an exercise in Hohne many moons ago I made a regular habit of popping into the cookhouse after a late night drinking session to pester the other chefs to rustle up some scoff. One night I popped in and there was no convenience food like chips or burgers anywhere in sight, so I had a rummage round to see what was in the freezers. The only thing remotely cookable was a box of steak and kidney pies, so I took one out and looked around for a hot oven; Unfortunately the ovens were all off. The deep fat fryer was on and was hot, so I dropped it in there instead. After about 15 mins it was done, but was far too hot to touch, so I put it in a couple of rounds of bread.

Voila; The Deep Fried Steak and Kidney Pie Sandwich, coming soon to a Subway near you (not). Enough calories to make deep fried Mars Bars look positively healthy in comparison, and I was coughing up grease balls for about 3 days afterwards.
 
#11
Microwave Macaroni, the kind that comes in a little round dish for an individual portion. Once cooked throw in some chopped ham and tomato. Microwaveable pie, cooked. Take a roll or 2 and dump on the macaroni. Place pie on top of macaroni. Squash with top of roll. Eat.

Chilli rolls are the dug's danglies but does require the cooking of chilli the day before, but if you can be arsed making it then you're in for a treat.
 
#12
Got loads of those Frog mil canned meals around. Pop the tab on the can, put on stove top for five minutes on high then rip it open and dig in with a spoon. Best off a plate or in a bowl due to burned fingers trying to hold a hot can. The alternative is chasing it around the stove top with a spoon until it goes over the side where the hound grabs it.


Edited to add:- This thread has just reminded me - In the old days we'd get shitfaced at the DZ and open half a dozen cans of corned beef on the bonnet of someone's car, empty a bottle of Tabasco in it then smear it all over to mix well. Half loaf of white bread each to sop up the mess and a case of beer to wash it down. Took a bit of elbow grease the next day to get rid of the meaty crust and greasy handprints on the windshield if your car was the one in the firing line. Happy days...
 
#13
As good as the RGJ undoubtedly are, I don't recall them ever being credited with the invention of Welsh Rarebit. As for a truly unique modern day drunken culinary delight, here's mine. (As loosely transcribed from the Strange Squaddie Food Combinations thread)
Not the Welsh Bunny Rabbit SBM - the use of hot Guinness as a sauce for the Welsh bit.
 
#14
Not the Welsh Bunny Rabbit SBM - the use of hot Guinness as a sauce for the Welsh bit.
I've seen many a recipe for this over the years, the Guinness/stout is usually mixed in to the cheese mix before it's spread on the toast. Regardless of who discovered it or how it's made, it's still nice.
 
#15
My favourite comes from the pages of "Freddy Starr's Lash Up Cookbook"

Ingredients:

One live goldfish.

Two litres of water at room temperature (seasoned with goldfish piss)

Four handfulls of multicoloured artificial gravel

A few goldfish style floaters

Method:

First discard the plastic: castle/treasure chest/sunken galleon, by throwing it at your wife's head.

Raise the goldfish bowl to your mouth and neck all the contents.

Hurl the glass bowl at anyone still daft enough to be present.

Headbut everyone in the house before collapsing in a pool of your own piss.

Warning: Some posh chutneys may have goldfish in their swimming pool, don't try this at Michael Barrymoore's house!
 
#16
Last week I woke up and I was in bed with a pot noodle, most of it now stuck to my chest hairs, the living room a scene of carnage, the front door wide open and 2 burnt chapattis in the oven.(Must have seemed like a good idea at the time!)

4 and a half pints of Dark Star Russian Imperial Stout @ 10.5%ABV was the main ingredient. Great night.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#18
You can't beat bog standard cheese on toast with a few drops of tabasco or whatever other chilli sauce you have knocking around. But if you're feeling particularly energetic, it's all about the cheesy hammy eggy.

Under the official secrets act I probably shouldn't share this with you, as the RN like to keep the recipe strictly on a need to know basis. The Captain of HMS Vanguard keeps the original recipe in his safe with the launch codes for Trident, but I met a chef once who'd seen a bit of it and managed to piece together the rest with the help of an oppo who'd seen the other half of the recipe.

You require:

Eggs x 2
Bread, a slice
Cheese grated, lots
Ham slices, a few
Wholegrain mustard, small dollop
Milk, splash
Butter, chunk

Method:

Put the butter, milk, mustard, cheese and one of the eggs into a pan and heat while mixing thoroughly. Toast the slice of bread. When the stuff in the pan looks ready, butter the toast, lay the ham on, spoon the sauce over the top and whack it under a grill. In the meantime fry the other egg to your liking. Once it's done, remove the toast from the grill and slap the egg on top.

You have created perfection.

This recipe works well with cheapo pikey ham, mild cheddar and sliced bread, but for the perfect cheesy hammy eggy, I'd go for decent thickly sliced bloomer, ham freshly cut from the bone and vintage mature cheddar.
 
#19
I've seen many a recipe for this over the years, the Guinness/stout is usually mixed in to the cheese mix before it's spread on the toast. Regardless of who discovered it or how it's made, it's still nice.
Always Brown Ale when I was making it.
 
#20
This stuff straight out of the tin and sop up the sauce with doorsteps of buttered bread...

 
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