Drunken Culinary Delights

Discussion in 'Cookery' started by TheresaMay, Jan 8, 2012.

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  1. TheresaMay

    TheresaMay LE Moderator DirtyBAT

    We've all been there - Hungry after a night on the lash, missed the kebab shop and the all night garage was closed for refuelling. You're extremely peckish but you're too trollied to work the cooker; but the primeval instinct to feast on bloody steak and chunky chips is preventing you from collasping into an alcohol-induced coma. So what to do?

    A bit of a surprise this one - as the idea came from the missus.

    Anyway, after coming in from a top table lunch and the five hours of drinking that followed, I was naturally peckish to say the least. I was approaching that "give us the most expensive kebab you do" stage, but living in a quaint little town where everything closes at 1730hrs, I was forced with the idea of cooking for myself (or asking the missus).

    Anyway, she suggested opening a bag of Jalapeno Fire Doritos, layered onto a plate with a layer of grated Seriously Strong, followed by a second layer of Doritos, followed by a final dusting of cheese. Microwave for 45 seconds on full power and enjoy.

    My God! The only negative thing I can say about this cheeky little pick-me-up is that it can NOT be used as a substitute for my main meal. Apparently.

    So anyway - do any of you ARRSers have any quality drunken delights to share?
  2. She learnt that midnight snack from me.

    And that little trick she does with her Tongue.
  3. We are not interested in your cat PA
  4. One of my mates once came in drunk and, horrified at the thought of having to cook for himself, ate a three day old kebab which he found in his bin.

    Needless to say the daft **** ended up rather ill. Probably not quite the culinary delight he had in mind but i believe he enjoyed it at the time.
  5. Couple of Pakco Curried Chilis with the Doritos and cheese also work well.

    Can of corned beef, sliced thick, on toast with cheese, curried chilis and Tabasco does the trick.

  6. Sounds great, but faffing around opening a can of Corned Beef when your shredders is not recommended!
  7. Open can or bottle of Guinness. Pour half into pot and heat but don't boil. Drink the rest as you

    1. Make toast.
    2. As toast is making grate the aforesaid Cheddar Seriously Strong.
    3. Add a pinch of Mustard Powder (English).
    4. Stir together.
    5. Add a pinch of your Guinness to mositen.
    6. Spread on toast and grill until bubbly brown.

    Pour over hot Guinness as a sauce.


    I think this is an RGJ recipe.
  8. Cornedbeef fried or microwaved till a bit squishey, cold baked beans, picalilly on thick bread (barm cake if you live where you can get the food of the gods). Good soakerupper with the added benafit of great farts to keep your legs warm on cold nights.
    • Like Like x 1
  9. No worries. PPPPPPP! Open a can or two before heading for the piss up and leave in a saucer in the fridge. If nothing else, you can chuck Tabasco on it and stand there with it in your hand like an ice cream wafer taking huge bites between swigs of water.
    • Like Like x 2
  10. As good as the RGJ undoubtedly are, I don't recall them ever being credited with the invention of Welsh Rarebit. As for a truly unique modern day drunken culinary delight, here's mine. (As loosely transcribed from the Strange Squaddie Food Combinations thread)

    • Like Like x 1
  11. Microwave Macaroni, the kind that comes in a little round dish for an individual portion. Once cooked throw in some chopped ham and tomato. Microwaveable pie, cooked. Take a roll or 2 and dump on the macaroni. Place pie on top of macaroni. Squash with top of roll. Eat.

    Chilli rolls are the dug's danglies but does require the cooking of chilli the day before, but if you can be arsed making it then you're in for a treat.
  12. Got loads of those Frog mil canned meals around. Pop the tab on the can, put on stove top for five minutes on high then rip it open and dig in with a spoon. Best off a plate or in a bowl due to burned fingers trying to hold a hot can. The alternative is chasing it around the stove top with a spoon until it goes over the side where the hound grabs it.

    Edited to add:- This thread has just reminded me - In the old days we'd get shitfaced at the DZ and open half a dozen cans of corned beef on the bonnet of someone's car, empty a bottle of Tabasco in it then smear it all over to mix well. Half loaf of white bread each to sop up the mess and a case of beer to wash it down. Took a bit of elbow grease the next day to get rid of the meaty crust and greasy handprints on the windshield if your car was the one in the firing line. Happy days...
  13. Not the Welsh Bunny Rabbit SBM - the use of hot Guinness as a sauce for the Welsh bit.
  14. I've seen many a recipe for this over the years, the Guinness/stout is usually mixed in to the cheese mix before it's spread on the toast. Regardless of who discovered it or how it's made, it's still nice.
  15. My favourite comes from the pages of "Freddy Starr's Lash Up Cookbook"


    One live goldfish.

    Two litres of water at room temperature (seasoned with goldfish piss)

    Four handfulls of multicoloured artificial gravel

    A few goldfish style floaters


    First discard the plastic: castle/treasure chest/sunken galleon, by throwing it at your wife's head.

    Raise the goldfish bowl to your mouth and neck all the contents.

    Hurl the glass bowl at anyone still daft enough to be present.

    Headbut everyone in the house before collapsing in a pool of your own piss.

    Warning: Some posh chutneys may have goldfish in their swimming pool, don't try this at Michael Barrymoore's house!