Drunk Texting

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Jordo, Aug 23, 2010.

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  1. I imagine most of us have done it at some point, whether by text or phone, what's your best/worst?

    Mine has to be a few years back with a bird i was trying to shag, one night after a heavy night and feeling a bit too confident l decided in my infinte wisdom
    to text her explaining (in great detail) exactly what I'd like to do with her if she was with me. I thought all was going great until I recieved a reply saying "Im sorry love I'm a little old for you, but you can have Carries number if you've forgot it. Carries mum".

    In my drunken stupor I'd forgot that she'd text me a few times of her mums phone when hers was out of battery, and I'd sent it to wrong one.

    Needless to say her mum wasn't too pleased and I abandoned that particular effort!
  2. Something I once sent for a then recently acquired weekend shag, loosely along the lines of 'I cant wait to get there...Im going to eat your pussy for hours first then fuck your arrse as I bite your neck....' Would have gotten away with bluffing it too it if our lass hadnt have been sat on a beach in Malta with her mates.

    Tip for the year, dont fuck about with anyone who's name even slightly resembles your birds, it makes them come home and hit you in the mouth..
  3. When mobile phones really took off for the masses around 1999-2000, my mate pioneered the tactic of texting mobile numbers which were 1 digit different from his own number and enquiring if the owner was youngish,female and if so if she wouldnt mind meeting up for a casual encounter??

    He was surprisingly successful, the jammy get, but this was before privacy and stalking laws had been invented!!!
  4. Legend! Can't believe that actually worked!
  5. Its that bugger 'Dave' again isn't it?.
  6. I once received a voice mail from a bird who obviously thought she was talking to a recent conquest's service. She explained in great detail that the next time they met she was going to basically go through the sexual dictionary from m=masochism to s=sadism and he would not be disappointed. I thought nothing off it other than "Hey ho that's how the other half lives" until she phoned again, getting voice-mail. This time her positive menu of sexual pleasure was replaced by a whinging "why didn't you call me, I thought you were serious?" sort of message.

    Well I did the decent thing and explained she had been calling the wrong number. I suggested if she wanted to still attract the chap's attention she should call him forthwith. She was deeply embarrassed - as only a woman who discovers she has expressed her desire to tie a bloke up with silk, then bite his penis, to the wrong chap can be. Many people heard the v-mail over the next few weeks and how we laughed, including my then girlfriend who was a bit of a player and surprised me with silk ribbons and penile biting one evening thereafter...more fun than you might imagine off the cuff.

    Sadly I believe she had been the victim of a time-waster. She called my number once again and I firmly believe she had been given a duff number, which just happened to be the same as mine.
  7. That's class
  8. Dave doesn't half get around doesn't he
  9. Or carry on two text conversations at the same time, one an argument with your partner and the other a series of lurid descriptions of actions to come with your lover, and then get your replies mixed up...that made for an interesting weekend...
  10. Just call 'em ALL by the same pet name and convince them it's your special name just for them!! Then address all textees by said title! Simples!
  11. Is he, perhaps, related to the Emperor Mong? We must be told.
  12. From the sound of it "Dave" is his Imperiosity's agent on earth?
  13. Not a drunk text. But I once texted my mate explaining how my girlfriend at the time was doing head in, and how I was thinking of binning her. Unfortunately I sent it to the girl in question.

    At least it took the decision of binning her out of my hands.
  14. Yes my freind.

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