I failed my initial medical to join up. Turns out I had protein in my piss from too much teenage tuggery, but at the time, the doc suspected it could be kidney malfunction. As such I had to jump on the train to Haslar for further testing.
So 15 year old me goes up to the desk and I'm put through a further piss test, a blood test and I'm asked to provide a stool sample.
The pretty nurse handed me a small plastic jar and pointed me in the direction of the bogs.
Now having never provided a stool sample before, I was intrigued as to how things worked. On opening the jar I discovered a small spoon, like you'd get in your ice cream at the cinema.
Devoid of a diagram or any legible instructions, I cupped the jar to my hoop and curled a Bungle's finger straight into the jar. A teenage diet of McDonalds and crisps ensured that it was way too big for the jar. Some artistic creativity was required.
Thinking on my feet, I quickly figured out what the spoon was for. Grasping it betwixt thumb and finger, I crammed the turd down with the spoon, pressing it down until it filled every corner of the jar, I then carefully used the back of the spoon to smooth off the top, before finally sealing up the jar.
Proud of my effort, I dumped it on the nurse's desk.
She was horrified. How the **** was I supposed to know you only use the spoon to scoop up a tiny bit to put in the jar?
Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)