Drone Pilot Ejects From Office Chair

#1
Shock, horror....


Drone Pilot Ejects From Office Chair

FARGO, ND (The Global Edition)–When an electrical fire disabled Colonel Doyle VanWatermulen’s Predator drone, the 65-year old veteran pilot exclaimed “Mayday! Mayday! We’re going down! We’re going down!” while sitting at his cubicle, sources close to his office confirmed.

Witnesses stated VanWatermulen began violently pulling and pushing the various ergonomic levers under his seat in an apparent attempt to “eject” himself. Unable to trigger an ejection, the pilot called out ”Jammed! I’m outta here!” and rolled from his chair.

“Oh, right,” he said after hitting the concrete floor at the North Dakota Air National Guard Station in Fargo, ND. His then un-piloted drone, armed with two Hellfire missiles, reportedly crashed into an Afghanistan hillside some 6,741 miles away.

Meanwhile Air Force officials have been at a loss to explain the pilot’s bizarre behavior. However, one drone crew member, who wished to remain anonymous, said there were some early warning signs, “We should have suspected a problem when he [VanWatermulen] showed up for the mission in a lambskin leather bomber jacket and helmet.”

The Air Force later issued a statement admitting that VanWatermulen was part of a new program dubbed “Balding Eagle,” utilizing seasoned military airmen to fill the government’s growing need for drone pilots.

The program has come under intense scrutiny following the incident. Concern has mounted that similar events might occur with other aging pilots.

Defenders of the program argue this isolated case must not be used to bar all older pilots from flying unmanned drones. In an article appearing in next month’s AARP Magazine titled “The Baby Boom Bombers,” author Christine Timmel argues that “With key accommodations such as post-it note reminders and fun brain teasers, aging pilots can continue leading successful Predator drone attacks.”

VanWatermulen is currently being treated for a broken right hip. No word yet from the Air Force as to when VanWatermulen will return to work.

Drone Pilot Ejects From Office Chair - The Global Edition
 
#2
By TGE correspondent Jesse McLain................isn't he the bloke wot done wrote the article about the USS Enterprise captain telling a Canadian lighthouse to move out the way?
 
#5
Halfway believable...

The USAF 'pilots' in the Sattelite Command (they drive sattelites... which is akin to occaisionally tighting the mooring ropes on a yacht) walk around in flight suits and bomber jackets...

At a certain International HQ I had the priveledge of working at, the Yank Pilots were cutting around in dessy flight suits complete with badges, id tags etc.

RAF pilots (not, oddly enough, AAC and RN) promptly rallied, turning out in to the 'staff environment' (ie desks, wheely chairs and photocopiers) in their green grow bags... badges, id disks and don't forget ankle pockets brimming with calculators, rulers, pens and SOHBs.

They looked stupid.

But, they had sent a flash signal to RAF Media Ops to the above conclusion, Media Ops promptly told Strike, SUpport and Latte Coffee with a little bicky commands to send dessy flight suits to the 'Staff Officer Environment' stat!

Next thing you know, ALL USAF and RAF pilots at a land based HQ in the middle of nowhere were walking around in fcuking dessy growbags, full ankle pockets shouting 'Jesters' dead, yee haw' and 'tally ho, bandits at 12 o'clock high'.
 
#6
#8
I do not understand why they are using the aged for remote drone piloting. Surely a 13 year old holding a XBOX controller would be much better at it. :)
 
#10
"Seriously?"

How about, "Of course its not serious you cotdeath".

Seriously.
 
#12
Next thing you know, ALL USAF and RAF pilots at a land based HQ in the middle of nowhere were walking around in fcuking dessy growbags, full ankle pockets shouting 'Jesters' dead, yee haw' and 'tally ho, bandits at 12 o'clock high'.
Flying suits? Calculators? I thought that beige slacks and short-sleeved nylon shirts were the uniform of choice for blokes flying model aeroplanes.

VariViggen_Model12.jpg
 
#15
Halfway believable...

The USAF 'pilots' in the Sattelite Command (they drive sattelites... which is akin to occaisionally tighting the mooring ropes on a yacht) walk around in flight suits and bomber jackets...

At a certain International HQ I had the priveledge of working at, the Yank Pilots were cutting around in dessy flight suits complete with badges, id tags etc.

RAF pilots (not, oddly enough, AAC and RN) promptly rallied, turning out in to the 'staff environment' (ie desks, wheely chairs and photocopiers) in their green grow bags... badges, id disks and don't forget ankle pockets brimming with calculators, rulers, pens and SOHBs.

They looked stupid.

But, they had sent a flash signal to RAF Media Ops to the above conclusion, Media Ops promptly told Strike, SUpport and Latte Coffee with a little bicky commands to send dessy flight suits to the 'Staff Officer Environment' stat!

Next thing you know, ALL USAF and RAF pilots at a land based HQ in the middle of nowhere were walking around in fcuking dessy growbags, full ankle pockets shouting 'Jesters' dead, yee haw' and 'tally ho, bandits at 12 o'clock high'.
So long story short is Pilots are twats?
 
#17
So long story short is Pilots are twats?
Nah, just these particular pilots at this HQ.

Another HQ I worked at the pilots were quite good. Esp a ginger tornado pilot who squared us away with a fair few rides in all manner of helicoptors (again in his staff officer slot so I thinking he was missing the up de la up up, and down, de la down down aspect of his normal role).
 
#19
Those USAF Baboons with Breitlings will be painting Sharkmouths on their Desks next
 
#20
Not quite the same category, but certainly of interest to NAFFI Bar members:



That is not a thick, black pelt, but airbrushing to prevent Porridgegun seeing the near-invisible cavity and going into cardiac arrest.
 

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