Driving whilst drunk


Book Reviewer
One of those, "ought to be true even if it isn't" stories. You can substitute Aldershot and the Paras for Ft Bragg and the 82nd if you prefer it to have taken place in England

Only a Special Forces Sergeant could think of this .... from the country where drunk driving is considered a sport by the guys in the 82nd, comes this "could be" true story.

Recently a routine military police patrol parked outside the Green Beret Club on Ft Bragg. After last call the officer noticed a soldier wearing a new Green Beret leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry night) -- flicked the blinkers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left.

At last, the parking lot empty, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The military police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud new Special Forces Sergeant. "Because I'm the new guy on the team, tonight I'm the designated decoy."
And then again, probably not. The story is ancient and usually said about a pub car park in a village or town in the UK with two eager traffic cops. Adding a special forces 'twist', however new, doesn't add all that much to the story. It wouldn't surprize me if the lads at Fort Bragg had heard the story on their travels and decided, with their lack of originality, to use it on the uneducated and untravelled local cops.

Just an old story wrapped up in military guise to look good in ARRSE. I'm not impressed or convinced.
Ahh that brings back memories. I was ROS one night and an old mucker comes screeching in his car up to the barrier, jumps out and does a runner into camp, car still with engine going. i get guard commander to get the car moved onto car park as that happens the RMP arrive in hurry as well..uh oh. I didn't want an easy duty anyway.

short version...RMP bring back Mick( we will call him that as it was his name) to the guard room and do a breathalyser test on him. of course it proves positive. off he goes to monkey house ROO sends me after him to see what will happen, duty MO comes out carries out urine test. goes away comes back to interview room with samples and say you are allowed 1 to have an independent test taken but puts both samples on the shelf, interview takes place Mick is warned for orders for D&D subject awaiting results etc.OK we leave monkey house i am just getting back into my car when he says hang on i left my fags on table. off he goes back in 2 minutes later he is out again and off we go.

0700hrs RMP are back i am to escort them to Mick's bunk, they then say they they will not proceed to charge Mick with D&D which was a surprise as they had "lost" the samples :?: says I OK i need a quick word with him..RMP leave room i ask what had he done he said the sample bottles were both there so he nicked them and then emptied them out in his sink and threw bottles in his bin..you plonker said i...

OK i open door and RMP then declare that they have to search room and lo and behold within 30 secs they find the sample bottles...i think Mick is in the shit big time,

but in the end they could only charge him with taking the pisss.........boom boom
On the subject of drink driving anecdotes. I heard from an oppo, who whilst serving in the shot one christmas, witnessed some lashed up nobber come thraping round the corner by the guard room in his wheels and cream into the obligatory wrecked car outside the guard room that used to serve as a 'sobering' thought to all would-be festive drink drivers.
You know what I am talking about, the smashed up old cortina with the manequin through the windscreen, covered in fake claret and a hand painted sign saying 'Don't drink and drive!'
Duty rumour was that the pioneers used to have to stag-on lying across the bonnet to add aunthenticity to the display.

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